Confused and Disappointed

purpleshoe

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sReq | uTeK

She gave you her number and your first text was to pretty much say "thanks, but no thanks". Then another one to say, "on second thoughts, maybe I can fit you into my busy schedule". Ask yourself,would you reply to a girl who text you this?

Hi, great seeing you the other night. I was wondering if youd like to grab a drink or cup of coffee at the weekend. Its not really that hard.

Do you think dating is for the unemployed?

Personally,I think you blew it.

woodchuck

I didn't enjoy having my expectations raised and then dashed so quickly.

I'm sure she didn't either. First you tell her that nothing can develop, but then you ask to meet up with her... tbh if I was her, I think you were only after one thing!

I think you just need to learn your lesson from this one and move on.

dellas1979

Oh OP

Girls like to be woo'ed. Not put into/fitted into your schedule.

vkus6mt3y8zg2q

Your mate remembered some girl on Tinder that YOU went on a date with once three years previously.....weird

purpleshoe

Thanks all.

Serious brain fade, my intentions were good. I've certainly learnt from this.

Seth Brundle

Do people not phone anymore?
Phone her up and just say to her that you re-read your texts and reckon it may have been worded badly but that you'd like to head out with her.

Tiddlypeeps

Seth Brundle wrote: »

Do people not phone anymore?
Phone her up and just say to her that you re-read your texts and reckon it may have been worded badly but that you'd like to head out with her.

People don't phone anymore, regardless of wether it's a good or bad thing it is nowdays socially unacceptable to call people you don't know very well outside of business transactions and the like or if a call was previously arranged. At least this is the case for millennials and younger, I'm not sure about older generations.

A phone call from a random guy you exchanged numbers with at the pub would be considered very full on by most and likely quite off putting regardless of what was said.

kippy

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

People don't phone anymore, regardless of wether it's a good or bad thing it is nowdays socially unacceptable to call people you don't know very well outside of business transactions and the like or if a call was previously arranged. At least this is the case for millennials and younger, I'm not sure about older generations.

A phone call from a random guy you exchanged numbers with at the pub would be considered very full on by most and likely quite off putting regardless of what was said.

All lot of the world's problems would never have become problems if people just talked, as in picked up the phone. This is a situation that cannot be resolved without a phone call. The OP has literally nothing to lose with a mea culpa phone call.

Tiddlypeeps

kippy wrote: »

All lot of the world's problems would never have become problems if people just talked, as in picked up the phone. This is a situation that cannot be resolved without a phone call. The OP has literally nothing to lose with a mea culpa phone call.

As unfortunate as it may be it is the reality of todays society, calling people you hardly know out of the blue is weird, I'd be surprised if she even picked up to be honest.

And it's not true that he has nothing to lose, this person obviously travels in adjacent social circles, he could easily make a name for himself if his actions are misconstrued.

kippy

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

As unfortunate as it may be it is the reality of todays society, calling people you hardly know out of the blue is weird, I'd be surprised if she even picked up to be honest.

And it's not true that he has nothing to lose, this person obviously travels in adjacent social circles, he could easily make a name for himself if his actions are misconstrued.

You can't say that the guy hardly knows her surely? She gave him her phone number, they kissed, spoke for some time. He mad a very bad call on the content of a couple of texts..its simply the only way to try sort out the situation at this point.

You can tippy tappy around people all you like but its much easier sort a situation out over the phone or in person rather than by some other means, even more so in today's world -whether its the done thing or not. Again I don't see the OP having anything to lose - can you imagine if word got out in his social circle that hr couldn't fit this girl into his schedule and treated her with disdain?

ginandtonicsky

Think about how your texts made her feel. Even and perhaps especially if she did initially like you - you’re essentially getting in touch to say “hi, nothing will happen here”. Followed up with “actually, I have a sudden opening this week”. If I treated a work client that way it’d be considered the height of unprofessional. It’s a million times worse when it’s a romantic prospect!

Not to mention, crazy intense from a guy that she’s not seen in years and had a cheeky kiss with a few days before. I’d be thinking “jaysus, this one’s an odd one”.

What were you hoping to achieve with that initial text, honestly?! It’s presumptuous, belittling, arrogant, totally pointless. Next time, be clear on your intentions and be as direct and friendly as possible. Think about how your message is likely to make her feel before you hit Send.

Tiddlypeeps

kippy wrote: »

You can't say that the guy hardly knows her surely? She gave him her phone number, they kissed, spoke for some time. He mad a very bad call on the content of a couple of texts..its simply the only way to try sort out the situation at this point.

You can tippy tappy around people all you like but its much easier sort a situation out over the phone or in person rather than by some other means, even more so in today's world -whether its the done thing or not. Again I don't see the OP having anything to lose - can you imagine if word got out in his social circle that hr couldn't fit this girl into his schedule and treated her with disdain?

I don't want to derail the thread further so we'll just have to agree to disagree.

leggo

kippy wrote: »

All lot of the world's problems would never have become problems if people just talked, as in picked up the phone. This is a situation that cannot be resolved without a phone call. The OP has literally nothing to lose with a mea culpa phone call.

No one does this anymore. It's a dead end, regardless of what you or I may think about that, and doesn't help the OP. You're right, he's got nothing to lose. But being seen as weirder than he already may be seen wouldn't do anything to help either. He's got nothing to lose by fighting a panda in her honour either, but it wouldn't address the immediate issue.

OP chalk this one up to experience. Happens. Plenty more out there. ginandtonicsky has it dead on when she speaks about thinking about how the person is going to receive the information you're giving them. If you're interested in someone but unsure if it's going to work, there's no harm in just texting and chatting for a while and seeing if the situation opens up to working. But rejecting them outright out of the blue will only get you where you are now.

joeguevara

Is your issue to do with the girl or the fact that you sabotaged it before it had any chance. Is that something that happens/happened before. From your description of the night she must have felt that you had no interest. You walked by said below without stopping. She put her number in your phone.

Then told her there wasn’t a chance. Forget about her and think about why you did that if you liked her. That’s the issue. Not her lack of response.

Big Bag of Chips

You went out on one date a number of years ago, and then recently on a night out your friend told you he saw her on Tinder? How did he even know her or recognise her?

I don't know how you can claim to be the victim here of having your hopes raised and then dashed. She gave you her number, and you texted her to say it wasn't going to work. Then changed your mind.

She doesn't owe you anything, and I'd say she's thinking if there's this much faffing around about meeting that it's not going to be worth the hassle and the sitting around wondering and waiting for you to decide if you're available.