Would you ever let your partner tell you you're not allowed to do something?

My best mate moved in with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and apparently, she's flipped a switch and turned into a nightmare.

He's cooked the last five nights but gave him grief for wanting to meet me for a few beers last night. Thankfully he came anyway. Meanwhile she goes out with her friends nay bother.


It's mental in my mind. In my relationship, we can do what we like. My girlfriend always meets her friends, I meet mine, or we go out together. Same with holidays. If I want to spend all my money on something, she'd never object.

Why would any adult allow someone dictate what they can and cannot do? My friend is not the type of person to be controlled and that relationship is doomed with the next few months.

Canis Lupus

My gf and I do what we like when we like. Interestingly enough in work as a straw poll she reckons the majority of women in her dept said they wouldn't let their partners out for the night on their own.

judeboy101

Wait til you marry the bitch

M5

Canis Lupus wrote: »

My gf and I do what we like when we like. Interestingly enough in work as a straw poll she reckons the majority of women in her dept said they wouldn't let their partners out for the night on their own.

Haha, that old chessnut! "I'm the sane one, they're all controlling lunatics, aren't I great"

KaneToad

I think the key is finding someone with similar opinions, ideas and outlook. Then this whole "me versus the girlfriend" isn't an issue....

McMurphy

Anal.

/thread

Ush1

When you have no kids and separate finances it's all very simple, but when things are pooled and kids need to be looked after you will always have to compromise.

sbsquarepants

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Why would any adult allow someone dictate what they can and cannot do? My friend is not the type of person to be controlled and that relationship is doomed with the next few months.

My missus is quite insistent that I refrain from sticking my willy in other women. (She hasn't said anything about men, so there could be loophole there in case of emergencies, I've yet to test that hypothesis though:D.)

Apart from that though she "allows" me to do whatever I want. Some people like or even need to be told what to do I suppose, I'm certainly not one of them and I wouldn't tolerate it in any way.

LirW

Instantly had to think of the guy on here a few months back who said he'd leave his wife if she ever cuts her hair short because it would show a tattoo she got when she was younger and he doesn't like tattoos.

Beta Ray Bill

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My best mate moved in with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and apparently, she's flipped a switch and turned into a nightmare.

He's cooked the last five nights but gave him grief for wanting to meet me for a few beers last night. Thankfully he came anyway. Meanwhile she goes out with her friends nay bother.


It's mental in my mind. In my relationship, we can do what we like. My girlfriend always meets her friends, I meet mine, or we go out together. Same with holidays. If I want to spend all my money on something, she'd never object.

Why would any adult allow someone dictate what they can and cannot do? My friend is not the type of person to be controlled and that relationship is doomed with the next few months.

You have a responsibility as friend, to tell you mate to tell That Yoke to F*CK OFF!!!

Tell him to dump her. It sounds like total hassle.
And you can't put a price on hassle (Everyone knows that)

What's the relationship gonna be like in 4 years time?
You might not even get to see your mate.

Do the needful!

iamwhoiam

Canis Lupus wrote: »

My gf and I do what we like when we like. Interestingly enough in work as a straw poll she reckons the majority of women in her dept said they wouldn't let their partners out for the night on their own.

What an odd department she must work in .

meeeeh

Yrah you hear those stories about controlling partner. However I also know couples where one is let out whenever they want and the other person entertains kids for the whole weekend.

Let's be clear no responsible person in a relationship will be able to do whatever they like whenever they like.

Btw what's that nonsense about cooking a dinner for five days? Does he want a medal? I cook almost always, oh does other stuff. What housework we do that week has absolutely no bearing on when and how often one of us goes out.

One eyed Jack

I thought it was common knowledge that people generally use the excuse that their boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever “won’t let them do something” when they don’t want to do something themselves but they don’t have the balls themselves to tell you? :pac:

Irishphotodesk

I’m not allowed to do any adrenalin filled sports/activities unless I get insurance which will pay the mortgage and give support to the family, I miss my skydiving, Base jumping and scuba diving days..... having kids also means we can’t afford those sort of activities anymore.

valoren

Ads by Google wrote: »

My best mate moved in with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and apparently, she's flipped a switch and turned into a nightmare.

He's cooked the last five nights but gave him grief for wanting to meet me for a few beers last night. Thankfully he came anyway. Meanwhile she goes out with her friends nay bother.


It's mental in my mind. In my relationship, we can do what we like. My girlfriend always meets her friends, I meet mine, or we go out together. Same with holidays. If I want to spend all my money on something, she'd never object.

Why would any adult allow someone dictate what they can and cannot do? My friend is not the type of person to be controlled and that relationship is doomed with the next few months.

They might find themselves in a cycle of abuse e.g. he says he's going to meet up with you for a few drinks, she has a **** attack and very quickly the idea of him saying he's going out becomes equated with her having a hissy fit. Wash rinse and repeat for other things he wants to be independent about.

That's not healthy obviously but the reason some people might allow this to happen depends on the nature of the relationship i.e. they might have kids, joint finances/house and if they looked to put their foot down there might be consequences in doing so as they can feel they have no escape plan. It's an indication of a healthy relationship where both sides are free to do what they want within reason.

Your friend's girlfriend is acting like a wolf in wolf's clothing, luckily for him she's showing her controlling cards early and as there is a tenuous connection between them (they house share) he has the capacity to tell her to get lost with minimal consequence. I guess for anyone in a relationship they ought to be sizing up their partner before making an ultimate commitment in marriage/kids and heed any warning signs well in advance.

KikiLaRue

I would never be with a man who tells me what I'm allowed to do. The person is your partner - you're equals. Obviously that means both parties should be considerate of each other too.

I do find that while women can be guilty of overthinking things, men can be guilty of underthinking things. If your mate mentioned on Wednesday he was meeting you for pints Saturday, I can't see any reason why that would be a problem. If he only thought to mention it as he was getting ready to head out the door, I can see why she would be a bit confused/ upset.

bear1

She sounds like both a control freak and insecure.
But there are always two sides to this so I'd be curious as what she would have to say on the matter.
I think couples should be free to unwind with friends and whatnot.
Would I be happy if my woman wanted to go on holiday without me? Probably not and vice versa but it's probably where our ends meet.

Edgware

If he puts up with cun't I will have no sympathy for him. Dump the bitch

Feisar

Depends, GF or committed partner?

Married now with first baby on the way. If she started smoking/drinking I'd flip and similarly if bills started being missed due to me spending on whatever she'd flip.

Your Face

Myself and herself are mostly on the same page.

If a decision affected both of us then we would talk about it.

Things like going out etc, aren't issues we would be bothered about.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

judeboy101 wrote: »

Wait til you marry the bitch

Well that escalated quickly.

BrokenArrows

She would never try and stop me, but would definitely complain about some things after the fact.

Lollipops23

I have never once told my partner he can or can't do something, just as he has never told me the same.

It's a very slippery slope IMO, but the fact is we've never given the other reason to be jealous or insecure.

qxtasybe1nwfh2

My partner doesn't tell me what to do and I don't tell him what to do. We often go out with our own friends alone, I don't see a problem with that. I wouldn't want him to tag along with me on a girls night and I don't want to be on a lads night either. But at the same time, we have respect for each other and our time. We wouldn't cancel plans we already had with each other etc.

You don't know what the situation was, you are only hearing it from his side.

zedhead

Neither of us would ever tell each other what to do in terms of meeting friends and going and would regularly meet friends, have drinks without the other person. Though there is a bit of a grey area - if he is cancelling set plans he has with me to go out with friends I would be upset and let him know about that and I would imagine vice versa (though I don't think either of us have ever been that inconsiderate).

Similarly if one of us is planning a night out and we have something important on the next day that a hangover might interfere with we might remind the other of that and a suggestion to go easy on the drink/not stay out too late might be made.

In terms of other area's of our relationship we tell each other what to do all the time - not in a demanding way but in an everyday life sort of way. I might tell him to throw a load of laundry on if he's home and i'm not and vice versa and other day to day related things.

And then there are big decision things. While we are both free to spend our money as we please, there are joint expenses and savings that need to be considered, so if either of us was planning a large purchase we might discuss it first with each other and see if there is something else that money needs to be set aside for (a joint holiday, home improvements etc) and maybe adjust our expectations so we are both on the same page about things.