Do I get a gift?

LegacyUser

With my partner just over 2 years. Great realtionship! We're saving quite hard at the moment and so, a few weeks ago decided not to bother with birthday gifts and just go for a nice meal instead. (Our birthdays are one day apart, his is the day before mine). We're both quite practical and for gifts in general we've set a budget and and told eachother what we would like or things we need.

He earns way more than me he has always secretly gone way over budget and pretended like he didn't. He completely underplayed his interest in Valentines day and said it was a ****ty hallmark day but presented me with a beautiful necklace which cost over 500e. I had spent about 50 euro and was mortified! It was a non-issue really, in the grand scheme of things we don't compete with eachother at all - but, he's very good to me, so I don't want to mess this up.

So, we've booked a nice restaurant and are looking forward to it and I have picked up a few really small bits (roughly 60 euros worth) to give him on his bday, things I know he needs and enjoys. So that I can give him something. I will also get a little cake. Really it's just to mark the day for him. My worry is that he will actually have nothing to give me the next day and feel bad about it. I don't want this, but also, if I don't give him anything at all and he does have something I will feel bad.

Just wondering if I'm wrong to give him the little bits? Separately in the last few weeks my mum has been really ill and he's been a rock, bringing her to her hospital appointments when I was stuck at work etc. so I was thinking of justifying the gifts by saying it's really just to spoil him a tiny bit because he deserves it.

Side note: I'm aware this is a small issue and I don't mean at all to undermine the serious actual relationship issues people have but if anyone can give me some advice on how to manage this so that neither of us winds up feeling bad I would really appreciate it.

Thanks

woodchuck

OP I think you should give him the heads up that you got him a very small* present. From what you've said about him, he may have already gotten you a present too. But I know if I was in his shoes and I hadn't gotten you a present, I'd be in a panic trying to get you something at the last minute! Or feel very guilty for not having gotten you something.

*FYI I don't think a meal out, cake and a 60euro gift is actually a small present at all! But I guess it is for the two of ye... 50euro for Valentines day would be OTT for me, nevermind 500euro :eek:

lulu1

I would just go out for the meal and give him nothing or maybe just the cake. Then the next day if he gives you something I would give him the gifts

Big Bag of Chips

You're together two years! Surely this is something you should discuss (Although you did discuss no presents and then went and spent €60 anyway). Why bother have the no presents talk and then going out and spending €60 on presents?

Just tell him. €500 on a valentines present? I think it's fair to say he's going to buy you something for your birthday.

pwurple

Yes, tell him you broke the rule and got him something small..

i would do that, because I would be pretty cross with someone saying one thing and doing another. But, it seems you both have form there, so I don’t think you guys get cross about that.

Side note, that bit about the money on a necklace (not a practical item) would have some of my alarm bells ringing. Actually, it would even make me question their character. Whether they were trustworthy, if they had a problem sticking to commitment, if they were wasteful, if they were liars, if they were hiding financial secrets (like a huge credit card debt). If they had poor judgement in general. Yeah, I would be a little phased by that personally.

Lotus Flower

I think posters here are making too big a thing of this. There's nothing wrong with buying him a present, it's nice to want to spoil your partner especially when they've helped you through a tough time. I'd say just say nothing and give the presents. Talking about it in advance just ruins the surprise and makes a big thing of it, it's normal to want to do nice things for your partner