How to make friends in your 30s

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

I think this might be a pretty common thread for people in various parts of the country. I have read those threads and meetup.com comes up a lot. Can I ask for advice though. I have about 3 friends. Two of whom are really acquaintances at this point - we were college pals and I now live quite a distance away from them so we only meet up a handful of times a year. I have one great pal from school who is just extremely busy these days but still a great friend. I am the life and soul of the party in work so people would never guess I'm so lonely and friendless outside of there. I play music and would love to join a band but feel a bit old in my early thirties. I'm also female and a bit self conscious that the instrument is perhaps not considered very feminine. I would love to be in some sort of music group and go to gigs etc. There's no such group on meetup.com for my area. For my area there are general meetups and then there's also things like Tag Rugby who are always looking for people but I'm not the most sporty. I have started the gym recently and I'm not unfit but I'm not super fit either. Anyone ever join tag rugby? Were you super fit? Or does it matter? Is it taken very seriously? They seem to have great fun social nights out from this but to be honest I'm not actually interested in sport. I did join a marching band earlier in the year but there was absolutely no-one in my age group and I didn't have much of a role in the group so I left it. Just at a loss as to what to do. Maybe I should give all of the above a go. Has anyone ever set up a meet up? Is it stressful? I was a key organiser of events in work for a while until the job got too busy. Would you go for the tag rugby or with trying to set up something you're really interested in? I just want a few friends! That's all!

wirelessdude01

From what I see the best way to make friends is have a kid or two. Then you become friends with their friends parents. Not being flippant before I'm accused of it.

Also why not set up a meetup group for what you want? You never know there could be others just like you but thinking the same.

Batgurl

The most important thing to make new friends is to put yourself out there and make the effort. The biggest blocker as an adult to making friends is being too busy or not being arsed putting in the effort.

Yes try tag. It’s great craic and not competitive at all really. You will be expected to participate but as long as you try, no one will care how good you are.

Also why do you need friends in your age group? Surely having a wide diverse group of friends is better than no friends?

I had to do something like this as an adult and made sure I had many different types of friends (sporty friends, going out friends, arty/theatre friends, work mates, coffee and a chat mates, friends from childhood etc) so I’d always have someone to rely on.

mistress_gi

I'm a little bit in your position. Maybe we should hang out

Flippyfloppy

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

From what I see the best way to make friends is have a kid or two. Then you become friends with their friends parents. Not being flippant before I'm accused of it.

It is rather flippant, and having a child can be knowingly isolating for many people due to many contributing factors.

Jibbs

Start a band or join a band. Feck age or what people think of a lady(heaven forbid) playing an instrument. If that's what you enjoy doing you should do it. I think it is easier to make friends when you're around like minded people too.

Church on Tuesday

Friendless Friendly Person wrote: »

Hi folks,

I think this might be a pretty common thread for people in various parts of the country. I have read those threads and meetup.com comes up a lot. Can I ask for advice though. I have about 3 friends. Two of whom are really acquaintances at this point - we were college pals and I now live quite a distance away from them so we only meet up a handful of times a year. I have one great pal from school who is just extremely busy these days but still a great friend. I am the life and soul of the party in work so people would never guess I'm so lonely and friendless outside of there. I play music and would love to join a band but feel a bit old in my early thirties. I'm also female and a bit self conscious that the instrument is perhaps not considered very feminine. I would love to be in some sort of music group and go to gigs etc. There's no such group on meetup.com for my area. For my area there are general meetups and then there's also things like Tag Rugby who are always looking for people but I'm not the most sporty. I have started the gym recently and I'm not unfit but I'm not super fit either. Anyone ever join tag rugby? Were you super fit? Or does it matter? Is it taken very seriously? They seem to have great fun social nights out from this but to be honest I'm not actually interested in sport. I did join a marching band earlier in the year but there was absolutely no-one in my age group and I didn't have much of a role in the group so I left it. Just at a loss as to what to do. Maybe I should give all of the above a go. Has anyone ever set up a meet up? Is it stressful? I was a key organiser of events in work for a while until the job got too busy. Would you go for the tag rugby or with trying to set up something you're really interested in? I just want a few friends! That's all!

Do it! You're only in your early 30's for Christ sake. It's not exactly time to bring out the zimmer frame here.

Let me guess, drums?

If there's no such group then start one. Making friend in your 30's is daunting and not easy, (I'm in the same boat really) but unless you put yourself out there, nothing will change.

starbaby2003

Tag Rugby is great. You don’t need to be very fit. Have you thought about volunteering. I met quite a few friends through that. I’m not sure where you live but be assured a large number of people would have moved to cities and been in your situation.

LegacyUser

Hi folks,
OP here.
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me and share your advice.
I am very nervous about putting myself out there to join a band but I am going to try and bite the bullet and just do it. I know it’s my own hang up but I worry about not being good enough and not looking the part either as silly as that sounds. It’s something I wish I had done years ago though. I only began playing the drums at the age of 29 and I just wish I had got myself the lessons when I first started working in my late teens. My parents couldn’t afford music lessons when I was growing up but music is the only thing I could say I’ve ever really been passionate about. Always loved it to the extreme. I suppose I should try and make the jump now or I’ll be typing this again in 10 years saying I wish I had joined a band when I was in my early thirties!

I think I knew that’s what I really wanted to do when I typed the initial post but other options like tag rugby and general meetups seem much more readily available so I wanted to suss out whether ye all thought that’d be good enough or should I try and go where my heart is! It makes sense though - as one of you said - that I’ll have more in common with people I meet if I go the music route. Thank you all sincerely for the advice. Wish me luck :-)

Church on Tuesday

Friendless Friendly Person wrote: »

Hi folks,
OP here.
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me and share your advice.
I am very nervous about putting myself out there to join a band but I am going to try and bite the bullet and just do it. I know it’s my own hang up but I worry about not being good enough and not looking the part either as silly as that sounds. It’s something I wish I had done years ago though. I only began playing the drums at the age of 29 and I just wish I had got myself the lessons when I first started working in my late teens. My parents couldn’t afford music lessons when I was growing up but music is the only thing I could say I’ve ever really been passionate about. Always loved it to the extreme. I suppose I should try and make the jump now or I’ll be typing this again in 10 years saying I wish I had joined a band when I was in my early thirties!

I think I knew that’s what I really wanted to do when I typed the initial post but other options like tag rugby and general meetups seem much more readily available so I wanted to suss out whether ye all thought that’d be good enough or should I try and go where my heart is! It makes sense though - as one of you said - that I’ll have more in common with people I meet if I go the music route. Thank you all sincerely for the advice. Wish me luck :-)

Drummer here.

Listen don't worry about any of that. Just have a jam with like minded people and have a laugh. Look for beginners like yourself and even if they are experienced players you can still have a meet up and play along.

My parents couldn't afford drum lessons either when I started playing at 17. Back then I had to make do with drum mags and watching live DVDs. Now there are loads of great beginner level tutorials on YouTube nowadays and for every level out there, check them out. I learn lots from them even now.

Plenty people learn an instrument later in life. Have fun!

DEFTLEFTHAND

Pursue the drums. You're not too old for goodness sake.

I've an uncle twice your age still playing in a wedding/pub band. Loves it still.

JustAThought

Tag rugby is great - its mixed and social and if you play different teams there is a rotating pool of new people to meet so definately do it. The training is grand & gives you a social stamp for your week -even for the not too sporty I would highly recommend it.

Re a band -great if you're into it. You dont want to be left hanging out with 18 &19 year olds & spending 3 or 4 nights a week with them - it might be craic but may leave you stranded socially in another year or two when they move on or away & you probably won't meet anyone that way.

There used be drumming jam classes in the National Concert Hall adult education programme (dont do the gamalan the teacher was a nightmare) -might be worth a look -they always used to be really having the craic & it seemed like a really fun & friendly group.

I found meetup.com amazing -I discovered them by accident when living alone abroad and its an amazing concept -Ive tried & joined a few different groups in Ireland and the range & variety of people you meet is amazing. They also have a group for people single minded wanting to meet others to go to gigs, nightclubning, to festivals, adventure trips, days out etc.I'd highly recommend it. You may have to travel a bit to find one that you like but if the people in your area are settled down or married off, setting one up may be more dissappointing for you and then -like many things - if you don't like the people who come or find them dreary or boring you are stuck with them and even worse they are in your area & know you. Id focus on trying some of tje bigger groups that have a wode range of members & finding one that you like rather than lumbering yourself with having to do tje thankless organising & be stuck with it & more acquaintances instead of choosing who you van be friends with and having a dynamic snd diverse group to choose from.

LegacyUser

That's certainly food for thought re setting up your own meet up. I never really thought of that - getting stuck with people rather than being more free to choose if I just go along to one. I won't close off the option of tag rugby and general meet ups just yet. I am thinking it'll be a case of trying a bit of everything to begin with and then seeing what works for me.

I think in Dublin or any of the cities it would be a lot easier. I found when I worked in Dublin that I had a much better social life and you meet such a variety of people there but I chose to get out of the city as the commuting was killing me. I didn't intend to totally lose any semblance of a social life along with that choice though! I find it's harder to carve out a social life here but I'm going to take the plunge.

Thank you all very much for the advice. A lot of food for thought in there. Now to put it all into action :-)

Twee.

A little bit late to respond, but have you looked at the Girl Crew app? They have activities all over the country. You can also set up your own events, I've seen everything from informal Friday night drinks, book clubs, coffee and a chat meet ups, you could post up that you want to get a jam session together and see if any other musicians are in your area. If there's a gig/event you want to go but but don't have anyone to go with you can just pop up a post and see if anyone wants to join you. I have met some lovely people through it. Usually for the more structured meet ups (I've been to a few business networking ones) there's a "host" and they'll make sure everyone is introduced.

Are you into singing or dancing? I'm in a musical society, I've made some incredible friends through it. We put on shows once a year but in between we're always going to see other shows, cinema, out for drinks etc, very social. Some of the ladies are also in choirs, they have a great time performing and travelling around to various events.