Can’t get out of bed for work in the mornings and it’s beginning to ruin my life

CBear1993

Hi all.


I have suffered from depression since I was 19/20, I’m now 25. I think I’m in a good place right now mentally. I'm on top of my clinical depression that has troubled me over the last 4 or 5 years. I've now a girlfriend, and generally feel good about life. Plus I've came down from 225mg daily antidepressant - Venlafaxine/Effexor slow release to 75mg. I plan over the next few months to go to 37.5mg then eventually be off meds for the first time since I was 20.


Anyway - I still have one thing that I struggle with - getting out of bed for work in the mornings. I don't start to 9am which isn't bad at all, if i take the bus it takes me 1 hr and if i cycle it takes 30 mins.


Believe me I've went to all lengths. I tried putting my phone alarm and bought an alarm clock for the other side of the room so I have to get up out of bed to turn it off. Didn't work.

Got my dad (who’s very supportive) to ring me every morning at 7am when he gets up to check I’m up. I don’t live with him and I was embarrassed to ask him, but he was glad. It doesn’t work. I just say “yeah I’m up” and roll back over.

Bought one of those fancy sunlight wake up alarms from Phillips that cost me £100. It plays nature sounds at the side of the bed and the room is eventually in full natural light. I just hit snooze.


I've kept the curtains open, drank a pint of water as soon as I wake up, no luck. Tried going for a run or gym classes in the mornings - this made it worse.


It's not laziness. It's just maybe once every couple of weeks I do not want to face the day. It was obviously far worse when I'd get a depressive episode - I;d miss work for 3 days in a row. Now it’s about once a week. I don’t come into work to 11/12pm. I feel horrible about it. Paranoid and ashamed walking into the office. I don’t know what to say to my boss because I don’t want to lie.


It didn't happen there for a long time, since January this year in fact - 2 months. I started a new job and I have to say I love the people I work with, and the new job is a welcome change and refreshing. I now cycle into work also instead of driving/bus. But it hasn't helped as it's returned right now. I’ve tried downloading apps off of the App Store. Writing journals. Setting alarms and ticking off daily habits.



But in the last week I've called in sick twice. Why?? it's not the work, it's me. I feel a great deal of shame lying to my girlfriend and parents that I've been at work during the day when I haven't.


Ever since I stopped living at home with my parents a few years ago it's too easy to just not get up. I live with 2 friends in a 3 bed apartment in Dublin, and when my girlfriend stays over it's great cos I get up without hesitation. On the weekends I'm awake eager to start the day. I've tried going to bed really early and had great night's sleep. But it hasn't worked. I'm really worried about it at this stage as it damages my job by having sick days here and there which I'm sure my employer picks up on. I always have to lie about why I'm off. I’ve changed jobs about 4 times in the last 12 months because of it. I thought it was depression but I can’t pinpoint it as that. When I leave work on say, a Tuesday evening, I have 100% full intentions going to bed that night that I’ll be in the next day. Then when I wake up on a certain morning, this overwhelming fear or terror washes over me. I immediately start thinking of excuses I could ring into work with or email to my boss. I did it today and I just didn’t answer his calls. It’s got to the stage again where I feel like the damage is done now, and I need to move on to another job. When I lived at home with my parents I had to go to work as my mum would be at home all day and there was nowhere to hide.


I usually send an email saying I'm sick today to HR and cc my boss and then turn off my phone and avoid everything until I wake up again around 12/1pm. I do feel very guilty.


I know it wont last forever (I hope) that I’ll grow out of it. When I eventually move into a place with my girlfriend in another month or two and i get a mortgage, maybe kids and more responsibility, but for now I want to conquer it.


Bit of an update. Had a terrible week this week. Missed 2 days of work. I had zero intentions going to sleep that I wanted to miss work. But when I woke up it was one of those days where anything but staying in bed seemed impossible. I got up and went to the toilet and still went back to bed after staring in the mirror. I sent my boss and reception an email to say I wouldn’t be in as I was sick. And turned off the phone, back into bed. One thing that always helps is a shower. But I cannot face getting myself to the bathroom to have one.

It’s very immature of me as I’m now 25 and burying my head in the sand rather than facing upto my problems.

Anyone went through this or have any tips? much appreciated as always

Beanntraigheach

It could be a problem with your circadian rhythm.
You might find these of interest:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circadian_rhythm_sleep_disorder
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_disorder

Gimme A Pound

Good on you for cutting down the meds from quite a high dose.

Are you going to bed either late or early? If so, both can be exhausting. Have you tried something in between? Like, instead of 9pm or 10pm, try 11.30pm?

Try not to over-think it too. Don't see it as this big deal because that's causing a self fulfilling prophecy. Just think of it as a case of: lots of people in their 20s find it really hard to get up in the morning and you're one of them. No biggie but you've just got to get up - don't analyse it further.

CBear1993

You find it’s grand now to get up for work/shift that starts at 6am? How did you program yourself for that, or did you find that a 6-3pm shift or whatever worked better than 9-5?

Fusitive wrote: »

I went through a similar phase with depression and anxiety. These aren't probably things you want to hear but I found I really wasn't a morning person when I went through it and the stress of having to deal with management weekly for the same reasons as you only exacerbated my symptoms more. I found that my energy levels and motivation was much higher in the evening so I got a job that fit around that. I'm not saying quit your job as that would be irresponsible of me when I don't know you but one of the best things I done was fit my job around me and not vice versa. It a couple years on now and the lack of extra stress really freed me up to the point where I feel much better about myself and have no problem holding down a job with 6am starts that I now work.

Gimme A Pound

Yeah that's a good point Fusitive - could you find a role CBear with later starts? I wouldn't recommend afternoon to night as that drags and you feel like you live at work. But even just 10.30 or 11 til 7/8pm kinda thing?

And also, what about exercising in the evenings? Exercise is brilliant for the head and general wellbeing - and sleeping.

Also, I know I lauded you for cutting down your dosage so much but maybe you've cut down too much? The awful panics you're experiencing every so often might need to be discussed with your doctor.

That thing of finding it hard to get up for work yet no bother when your partner is staying or you're off... is one of those annoying fickle things that affects I'd bet most of us.

Your situation seems pretty standard for someone of 25, except for those severe anxiety episodes to the point where you just can't go in. That isn't standard - well the overwhelming desire just to turn over and go back to sleep is, but not the actual doing it. So talk to your doctor (imo).

You've a good attitude though - taking responsibility for yourself, but it does seem that maybe you need to go easier on yourself re the meds side of things. Of course the ideal is not to be taking them but if you have to take whatever minimum you need, then you have to. Nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't the be all and end all for you, and it doesn't seem to be.

AllForIt

I was on anti-depressants over a decade ago. I wouldn't have been on them for more than a couple of months I'd say. I didn't like the way they made me feel (I can't recall exactly what the issue was but it was something related to either getting to sleep or getting up, I really don't remember). After I felt better in my head I voluntarily gave them up and got into exercise instead.

Exercise is brilliant for your mental health I can't emphasize that enough. Cardiovascular exercise. You don't have to get mad into it in terms of aiming for marathons or anything on that kind of level, you just have to do it most days say 30 to 40 mins a time. Start off every second day but aim for 5 days a week. It will really help with your mood and sleeping problems to some extent possibly even a lot. Eating better is of additional help - junk food can be really bad for mood. It's just common sense - being healthy makes life so much easier.

I really feel that unless one has some serious brain disorder and suffering sever depression one should regard pills as a temporary aid to sorting yourself out with an aim to giving them up eventually. It's not good to be permanently on pills unless it's vital to stay on them as they have their own negative effects.

somefeen

Changing jobs that often is probably doing you more harm than the odd sick day here and there.
Maybe part of the problem and I suffer from this myself, is that it's too easy to not go in.
If there are no real concrete consequences to my absence or lateness I find it very hard to turn up on time.

I have to work jobs where people depend on me being on time so there is s real motivation to go in. Being on time just so boss is happy is not a motivation for me.

Maybe try and get some responsibility for the mornings, be the guy that opens up the place or start driving and offer lifts to work mates?

mcdaids69

i needed cognitive behavioural therapy,i went to SHINE councilling services,took me couple of years and wasnt expensive,i was like you depression with sleeping ,eating probs..been hospitalized and on meds..depression can be treated with meds but wat worked for me was cognitive behavioural therapy after trying them to no effect..after 4 years i was out of bed happier than ever..take your time you are young im 33 and healthiest ive ever been..

CBear1993

mcdaids69 wrote: »

i needed cognitive behavioural therapy,i went to SHINE councilling services,took me couple of years and wasnt expensive,i was like you depression with sleeping ,eating probs..been hospitalized and on meds..depression can be treated with meds but wat worked for me was cognitive behavioural therapy after trying them to no effect..after 4 years i was out of bed happier than ever..take your time you are young im 33 and healthiest ive ever been..

Hi there, thanks for sharing. Do you mind me asking who you seen in shine?

HappyAsLarE

I seem to have unlocked a little secret that has literally fixed my depression. It may work for you...

Every time that feeling of dread/anxiety starts to descends, I remind myself that I am responsible for my thoughts, that i can change the reality in my head right at that millisecond.

Overtime the negative thoughts appear less frequently, and more importantly, they are now very fleeting.

Hope this helps. Best of luck to you.