Fancying a few different people.

Red Lightning

Just wondering what people's take is on this.

Currently single and have my eyes on two or two ladies. There's one girl that I like more than the other two but I asked her out and she said she was too busy to commit to a date (She is ridiculously busy and probably isn't in to me, fair enough)

However, I do also like this other lady and if it wasn't for the other woman, I'd be dying to go out with her. I just worry, I'll be comparing her to the other woman who turned me down and that isn't fair on her and may leave me unsatisfied were we to get into a relationship.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

Hoboo

Red Lightning wrote: »

Just wondering what people's take is on this.

Currently single and have my eyes on two or two ladies. There's one girl that I like more than the other two but I asked her out and she said she was too busy to commit to a date (She is ridiculously busy and probably isn't in to me, fair enough)

However, I do also like this other lady and if it wasn't for the other woman, I'd be dying to go out with her. I just worry, I'll be comparing her to the other woman who turned me down and that isn't fair on her and may leave me unsatisfied were we to get into a relationship.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

Yeah don't bother, you need someone who makes you look at busy girl and wonder wtf you were thinking in the first place.

Red Lightning

Hoboo wrote:

Yeah don't bother, you need someone who makes you look at busy girl and wonder wtf you were thinking in the first place.

That's what I always thought but I know I like the second girl a lot because I don't catch feels too easily etc. It's not a massive difference, girl 1 is just slightly in front so I don't know if I'm just over thinking.

Segotias

I'd say leave the second woman alone, she deserves someone who thinks the world of her not someone who'll be constantly thinking it could be better.

As for the first one you might be left waiting so might be an idea to cut that idea loose too and try find someone completely new that you won't be comparing to her

Hoboo

Mod warning:

Hoboo, if you have an issue with a post, report it. Do not challenge the OP in the thread.

wiggle16

Hoboo

Was just about to delete, realised what I said was unfair. Apologies OP.

wiggle16

Hi Red Lightning

To the best of my recollection you've posted a couple of times over the last few months about similar dilemmas. One of the last threads for example, you mentioned a couple of different women. I suppose I'm wondering, did you ever end up asking any of them out? Or are either of these girls the same individuals as you've mentioned previously?

Just to be clear, that's not me having a go, it's just when a poster comes back with a similar issue more than once I am always interested to know how they addressed it previously.

I don't think it's constructive to compare the two women, everyone has shortcomings. I also think you're getting ahead of yourself to a certain extent, you won't know if she will push all the right buttons unless you actually ask her out and go on a date or two. I agree with Segotias, it's not fair to ask someone out if you're not mad about them. If you are actually interested then by all means go for it, but if you're not pushed I wouldn't be asking someone out just because they're available.

I don't really get it, in a way... you're not sure you should ask out Lady No2 because you're comparing her to Lady No1... does that mean you are going to be comparing all women to Lady No1 from now on? Or just this one? You said you'd have been dying to go out with her otherwise... why is it that Lady No1 has set some kind of standard?

Red Lightning

Thanks Wiggle for your reply. I don't know either girls overly well so I think I could be romanticising Woman #1 more than woman #2. It could be a different story if I were to date either of them. I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to dating. I've really liked a few women over the years so I know what I'm looking for. I really don't want to hurt anyone so am wary with dating.

messy tessy

Red Lightning wrote: »

Thanks Wiggle for your reply. I don't know either girls overly well so I think I could be romanticising Woman #1 more than woman #2. It could be a different story if I were to date either of them. I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to dating. I've really liked a few women over the years so I know what I'm looking for. I really don't want to hurt anyone so am wary with dating.

To quote the opening of a recent song
'You’re in love with a version of a person that you've created in your head'

Do you even know if the second woman wants to go out with you?

Red Lightning

messy tessy wrote:

Do you even know if the second woman wants to go out with you?

No but it's mainly hypothetical anyway.

Ursus Horribilis

Have you ever had a girlfriend? Because you're coming across here as someone who has spent too much time on the sidelines, overthinking. I'm starting to wonder are you coming across as a bit creepy to women? I'm picking up a bit of that vibe from you.

It's good that you are asking women out but you also seem to be building up scenarios in your head. You really can't know whether you're compatible with someone else until you go out on a few dates with them. For what it's worth, I reckon Woman #1 turned you down because she doesn't fancy you. Being busy is one of the oldest excuses in the book. And why you're even thinking about Woman #2 is beyond me - she is clearly in the runner's up spot.

joeguevara

Ok. I don’t know why some posters have mentioned love seeing as you have only stated that you like two people.

You also say that you don’t really know either girl so probably you are only talking about looks. It is fine to fancy different people when you are single. It only becomes an issue when you are in a relationship. The phrase ‘catching feels’ sounds a bit like you want a rom com relationship and building things up. Why are you comparing people and getting yourself worked up without getting to know them.

The first girl is not interested. Being busy is an excuse. I work every hour god sends but if I was interested in someone I’d make time. If you like the other girl do something. You are not in love so making comparisons isn’t a bad thing. Go on a date. If you are making comparisons after date 2 or 3 then you know.

I haven’t read your previous threads but if similar things have happened previously then being single and just having fun maybe right for now. Hope everything works out.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you wouldn't be comparing to real relationships. you would be comparing A to your idealised impression of what B would be like because she is on a pedestal in your mind. And as real people have imperfections. they are not going to match up the perfect unreal persona you have created in your mind.

so you choice are never date anyone again, or just try to get to know other people via dating and see where it goes without overthinking and analyzing and comparing. After all a couple of dates does not equal a lifetime commitment, and when you know your own mind better and what you are looking for in a partner, then you will have a better chance of finding the person who best matches you.

Red Lightning

Xterminator wrote:

you wouldn't be comparing to real relationships. you would be comparing A to your idealised impression of what B would be like because she is on a pedestal in your mind. And as real people have imperfections. they are not going to match up the perfect unreal persona you have created in your mind.

Xterminator wrote:

so you choice are never date anyone again, or just try to get to know other people via dating and see where it goes without overthinking and analyzing and comparing. After all a couple of dates does not equal a lifetime commitment, and when you know your own mind better and what you are looking for in a partner, then you will have a better chance of finding the person who best matches you.

You're right. I need to get out and start dating and just enjoy it.

Mods can close the thread now. Thanks

zoobizoo

Red Lightning wrote: »

I really don't want to hurt anyone so am wary with dating.

Why or how would you hurt anyone by going on a date with them?

woodchuck

Thread closed as per OPs request.