Trouble with Nephew

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this as it a fairly sensitive issue.
My nephew is gone totally off the rails. Hes a compulsive liar, he has a drug and drink problem and he cant hold down a job. I have also heard reports that he was dealing drugs, nothing hard apparently, just hash but still illegal. He is also very aggressive and has had fights with his dads side of the family recently. I am on the periphery but I feel like I need to get involved. His mother and other family members do not know what to do with him.
To start with I feel that I need to get him to see some sort of councillor but I am not sure who.
Can anyone advise what type of councillor I need to get him too?
He is due to start a new job soon and I know he is going to mess it up like the rest of his jobs that he had but lost.
Any advice welcome. We are not in Dublin, based in a provincial town
Thanks

SusieBlue

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
He has to want to make changes & see the error of his ways himself.
You can't force it. From dealing with a relative with similar issues, you are doing nothing but wasting your energy & upsetting yourself if you try to make him do anything he doesn't want to. You won't be successful.

I'm sure his mother & close family have all tried too and have clearly gotten nowhere. That's because he himself won't accept responsibility for his behaviour. Until he does that you are fighting a losing battle.

I appreciate you are trying to do the right thing here but you are wasting your time. Its sad but true.
By all means, let him know the door is open and you will help in any way you can, if he wants you to. But unless he asks for help, you can't force him into counselling, rehab, or anything else for that matter.

Sardonicat

If he is over 18 then you can't get him anywhere. He has to engage with services himself. You can't force him and even if you are able to coerce him along it would be pointless if he's not ready to change. About the best thing you can do for him is let him know that you'll be there to support him in whatever way you can once he's ready to address his issues.

Advise his immediate family to attend al-anon. Perhaps you could consider attending yourself. It's hard watching a young person destroy himself.

Xterminator

Hi

It doesn't seem that you can do anything more than offer advice to your family in this situation. you have little status to intervene directly, and sending someone to therapy/counselling when they dont want to be there is pointless.

If he was 'off the rails' and dangerous to himself and others your brother could talk to the GP about having sent for involuntary detention. But that's a last resort step and it doesn't (from details provided) sound like you are there - thank god.

there is useful information here

https://www2.hse.ie/wellbeing/mental-health/information-and-advice-for-families-and-friends/worried-about-someone-elses-mental-health.html

wiggle16

If it were me I wouldn't go making this my problem, OP. By all means offer his parents support but you can't make him do anything. He's an adult and he needs to make his own mistakes.

There was another thread on here recently which illustrated what can happen when a person lives their life being bailed out by well-meaning family members all the time. Don't go down that road.