Strange but Trivial issue

rondog

Hi All,

Not sure why im feeling this way and it may seem like a ridiculous issue.

Im not even an emotional person or a worrier but my 5 year old Son was hanging around with Friends on our road.He had a best friend (lets call him Donal)who is a bit older and that best friend had a new friend(Bill) that moved onto our road from another place.
This Friend(Bill) is in Donals class at school.It seem since Bill moved onto the road that Bill and Donal spend alot of time together and leave out my Son out a bit.They still all come out onto the road together but My Son isnt as close now to Donal who would be in Bills house alot.It seems only Donal is allowed into Bills house.

My issue is a feel very sorry for and sad for my Son as he isnt as close and the other 2 would be playing down the end of the road together without calling into my Son.

There are other kids but now DOnal and bill seems joined at the hip and my son is a second tier friend.

Its so weird that I feel so sad when i my son going down to play with them and he is on the fringe or wouldnt be called for when the other kids are playing.

i lnow kids are fluid and change friends alot and i dont know why im so sad at seeing my child lose this best friend ,i suppose i see it from his eyes that he must be eaten up but he doesnt seem to be too bothered.I remembered telling him that it would be great for the new boy to move onto the road as they can all play together and he cried that he would be left out and his friend donal would play with Bill instead.This seems to have happened to a certain extent.

I just feel really sorry for him and cant understand why im so consumed with this.Any ideas?

skallywag

I've seen this happen often with my own kids, both from the perspective of them being left out, and also them being the leaving-outers.

You say that he does not seem to be bothered, and I would believe this. Kids adapt very quickly and he is probably genuinely not all that put out about it and and will be palling around with someone new soon.

You are probably getting so upset because you are seeing this through adult eyes and you are being over sentimental about your own son. Best friends at that age mean a lot less than you imagine.

rondog

I agree with you.

Its just when he cried about being left out when i mentioned the new kid arriving on the scene i feared it would happen and thought he was sensitive to this,then when it started to happen it broke my heart for him.
I know kids are so fickle with friends and that but its just sad when i see the others down the end of the road playing and they havent called into him and it would break myheart if he was seeing this too and feeling left out.

I do think its a silly way of thinking and just not sure why its getting to me so much.

Rubberchikken

its not silly to feel upset about this.
we know friendships chop and change but no one wants to see their child hurting.
we also know that we cant save them from every hurt, no matter how much we want to.

encourage other friendships. dont make any negative references to these boys or changing friendships. less thats said about it the better.

Big Bag of Chips

Just be aware that your son will take his cues from you. And if you appear to be upset, or annoyed about this that will influence how he feels. If you can shrug this off and make it the trivial issue that you know it is, then he'll be fine.

Age can be a big factor at that age too, and even to a 7 or 8 year old a 5 year old can seem very small. The other 2 boys aren't necessarily doing anything wrong. They're just not thinking about your little fella. They're friends in school, they're the same age. It's not exactly their "job" to always include your little lad.

Encourage other friendships, the summer is coming and they'll all be out playing and floating, and fighting and falling out and making up!! In 5 years time they'll still be doing it, and in 10 years time they'll probably all be great pals!