Depressed

Cooper89

Been attending docs and other professionals in and out for a decade. They say i have recurrent depression.


I get periods of such highs i think im invincible and have done extremely reckless and awful things. At the time i dont see any consequences for my actions.

Then i go into such low periods of depression and i feel worse and worse.

It only takes 2 seconds for my mood to go from high to low and vice versa. Like a rollercoaster.

My body wont let anything out. Its at the pit of my stomach all the time like i want to cry but i cant.

Im intelligent. I know my own body, my head my actions, my daily struggle.

I have read up on bipolar and besides hallucinations, i tick every box. It is me to the tee.

I feel that when i go to the professionals they tell me how im feeling rather than listening to me.

This morning i was genuinely planning my own funeral. This afternoon i was buzzing and wanted to go for a long drive to some place interesting. Im back down to my low mood now.

I dont know what to do. I feel like im being treated for the wrong thing but they "know best".

Anyone been in this situation? Or tell me what to do? Cos im at my witts end.

shesty

Have you told the doctors this? And are you seeing the same doctors all this time, or have you tried seeing any new ones?

Cooper89

shesty wrote: »

Have you told the doctors this? And are you seeing the same doctors all this time, or have you tried seeing any new ones?

Different doctors. I walk in and im somewhat fine most of the time cos i cant express my feelings. My body wont leave me. I know i am reckless and continue to be in different ways yet all they do is convince me im not feeling what im feeling.

Last time i went to my psycatrist she reviewed my medication and told me she would see me in six weeks. Thats the public one. They are dire and its just like a conveyor belt.

I am actually scared of my future cos i can see me ending up in jail or 6 feet under.

I feel when im in a manic state i cant control myself and there are no consequences. Then in my low mood it hits me what i have done.

y0ssar1an22

Cooper89 wrote: »

Been attending docs and other professionals in and out for a decade. They say i have recurrent depression.


I get periods of such highs i think im invincible and have done extremely reckless and awful things. At the time i dont see any consequences for my actions.

Then i go into such low periods of depression and i feel worse and worse.

It only takes 2 seconds for my mood to go from high to low and vice versa. Like a rollercoaster.

My body wont let anything out. Its at the pit of my stomach all the time like i want to cry but i cant.

Im intelligent. I know my own body, my head my actions, my daily struggle.

I have read up on bipolar and besides hallucinations, i tick every box. It is me to the tee.

I feel that when i go to the professionals they tell me how im feeling rather than listening to me.

This morning i was genuinely planning my own funeral. This afternoon i was buzzing and wanted to go for a long drive to some place interesting. Im back down to my low mood now.

I dont know what to do. I feel like im being treated for the wrong thing but they "know best".

Anyone been in this situation? Or tell me what to do? Cos im at my witts end.

Sorry to hear your troubles op. The mind is a powerful thing and no one knows it better than yourself. Stress to your councilors that what they're offering isn't working, it change councilor.
No recommendations aside from stay positive. I don't know anything about bipolar to give any input. Any close friends/family to chat to?

Purple Mountain

You're very articulate here at expressing your thoughts/actions/moods etc.
I'd suggest keeping a journal for a week and write all these episodes down.
Try and get referred for an urgent appointment with the psychiatric services and present them with your journal.
Good luck.