I don't know where I'm going in life

Mrshinch

Hi all, I really need someone to talk to in the hope some wise words will help me find my path. Sorry if this gets long winded.

Some background. From 21 to 33 I was with my ex. We lived abroad in Vancouver for a few years and I can say it was the happiest time of my life, though things were not perfect. I've always been obsessed with big cities and love the city lifestyle. I had him there with me and made a lot of friends. I let him sway me to move home, between that and the guilt I was feeling about being abroad we came home in 2015. For the first year or two things were good, I thought we'd find somewhere to live, get jobs, travel etc etc and be happy. That's not been the case. Instead he left me and I am single two years now.

At the moment i rent in Dublin, I'm 35, I have my own car, travel when I can(every few months) have seen a lot of the world, I've a good job in finance with good prospects though I'm finding it hard to advance because I'm very quiet. I would say I have 5 good friends, one very close one but 3 of those have kids and all are in relationships so I might see some once a month.

My body itches for the city lifestyle I had in Vancouver. I live in Dublin but Dublin doesn't give me that satisfaction I don't even feel like I'm in a city here.

Where I work have offices worldwide but as I am not very high up I'm not sure if transferring is an option. I need to find out but I'm nervous about asking for fear of being laughed at. I'll get there.

Everyday I wake up with the urge to be back living the city life I loved. I go to bed longing for it every night. I'm lonely here. I sound so ungrateful and for that I apologise. I can't explain the magnet inside me that is pulling me away everyday. I have no idea where my life is going and have no real security. I spend 90% of my time alone here so moving away alone doesn't really seem much different. I really don't know what to do. Any words of wisdom are very much appreciated.

Charles Ingles

You ex treated you very unfairly, hopefully you can meet a nice husband somebody to share your Life with.
You sound like a smart woman doing well for yourself hopefully things get better for you

Ursus Horribilis

Did you post about this before? The talk of how you crave a bigger city sounds familiar. Anyway, it looks up me like you should go back. If it works out, great. If not, you'll have it out of your system

Big Bag of Chips

Charles Ingles, please don't quote the full OP in your reply. It just unnecessarily clogs up the thread with duplicate text.

Big Bag of Chips

What have you done to progress your career? It seems you are in the perfect position (a multinational company) to be able to travel and work, and what's holding you back is you're "not very high up" and you're not sure if transferring is an option, and you're too afraid to ask.

If you want something that badly you need to push yourself forward and go after it. I agree with Ursus above, I believe you posted about this a number of years ago. It was very familiar to me immediately when I read it. So in those years, in the years since you came home in 2015, or in the years since your ex finished with you, what steps, practical steps, have you taken to change your situation to make a transfer more likely.

Reading and dreaming and hoping and thinking aren't practical steps. Have you done any further professional development? Have you applied for other positions in your company? Have you applied for anything that might lead to a position in the US/Canada?

Teepinaw

Can you take a holiday in Vancouver to check if your feelings are still the same when you're there on your own?

The aim would be to become content currently, and then make the move if Vancouver was still calling you. That sounds idealistic and very black & white, I know, but I'd be worried you thought far away fields are greener and then when you got there, you were still not happy.

Do you think you're still grieving your previous relationship? I'm genuinely sorry things worked out that way for you, it must have been devestating.

PerryB78

The world is your oyster, you are very lucky having no real ties or bounds. You have a great career by the sounds of it and the type of work that prospers in big cities. Make a break for it and follow your heart, hopefully you will meet someone special and never look back, best of luck

Shefwedfan

Sell up everything and move

You have no kids etc, if you have a job here you will get another one....

Ursus Horribilis

You sound like you're utterly paralysed and afraid to make a decision. Why? What do you have to lose? If you continue to sit on your hands the way you've been doing, you'll still be telling this story in 2 or 3 years time. It's also time to stop blaming your ex for wrenching you away from Vancouver. It's a decision you made too and it just didn't work out. Something tells me you'd not be happy even if you hadn't broken up. If you're so obsessed with big cities, Dublin is never going to be good enough for you. Maybe that's why you've not settled here and haven't built a meaningful life for yourself.

From what I can see, moving away again is a no-brainer on two fronts. It'll get you away from the life you're unhappy with and it'll give you a realistic picture of what life in a big city is like at your age. Maybe you'll take to it like a duck to water and be happy again. Or it'll give you a new perspective - one you don't have at the moment. Being one half of a young couple in their 20s is a very different experience to what you'll have now. I think you have rose-tinted glasses glued to your nose. If I'm wrong, great. If I'm right, it's something you can take on board and adjust your expectations.

Charles Ingles

Can I ask if your ex boyfriend had met somebody else and settled down?

Big Bag of Chips

Charles Ingles, your question is irrelevant. Please read the Personal Issues Forum Charter stickied at the top of the Forum. This is an Advice Forum, neither of your posts have offered any advice.

one world order

Moving away won't take away the loneliness. You spend 90% of your free time on your own. If everybody did that, they too would feel the emptiness. Why not get involved with a group/community outside of work and build relationships with people? It will get you talking, being social and build your confidence back up.