Sober and socialising

LegacyUser

Hi there. I am in my forties and gave up alcohol a couple of years ago mainly because I suffer from depression and it was not helping me at all. I don't really miss it at all. I love having a clear head, not having the 'fear' and not wasting time nursing hangovers. I rarely go out anymore anyway.

My issue is when I do go out and almost feeling like I have to explain myself to people as to why I don't drink. If it's someone I am good friends with and they know I drank in the past, I might tell them in confidence that it's because of my depression. But to be honest I feel this is a personal reason. I usually tell people, 'Alcohol doesn't agree with me anymore.'
I started a new job very recently and there is a big work conference coming up that lasts a few days. My team are very excited about it and mostly because it is a major p*ss-up event. My team consists of people aged 20s-40s, and to be honest it's like they're a bunch of students with talk about getting rat-arsed.

I love the craic (and actually was a party animal in my 20s and 30s) but to be honest I'm not looking forward to the socialising part of this at all. I don't want to have to explain myself, or come off as a dry-sh!te. The team are using this a team-building event, so will be spending a lot of time together. I don't have a problem with people getting rat-arsed, but all they seem to talk about it, is this, and I feel it's just not a part of my world anymore.

Anyone have any advice? Thank you

Big Bag of Chips

"I don't drink".

That's it. That's all you have to say. Nobody actually cares all that much. They're too wrapped in in themselves to be worried about you getting "rat-arsed". I don't drink a huge amount. I know people who don't drink at all, and I know people who get rat-arsed at every opportunity. All these people tend to get along side by side pretty well, because what others are doing isn't really affecting them all that much.

If you are capable of going out and having a bit of craic without getting pissed then your colleagues won't care whether you drink or not. If you don't want to go out and socialise make your excuses. You might get slight protestation for a minute, but ultimately people won't care!

Rubberchikken

its good to spend time with colleagues outside work if you actually want to, but you dont have to drink alcohol.
just say you dont drink. its no big deal honestly. if someone is being a pain and continues to comment then just ignore them.
good luck

Hedgelayer

I gave up the hooch at 27 im now in my mid 40's

Its hard at first going out meeting people and the elephant in the room is me because I don't drink...

Just a casual im driving or have to be up early usually works, or I never liked drinking used to make me very sick or you could have an allergic reaction to alcohol.

The irony of being a non drinker is you have the higher ground, you're not inebriated or look like a knob while not drinking.

If you're sober you'll never have those emotional hangovers or regrets, youll be healthier and sharp more aware and be always in control.

I never went out as a non drinker and had drama, or anyone hassling me about being a non drinker.
Usually people accept it.

Its great to wake up sober and in your own bed

.......

Sometimes I drink when I go out, sometimes I dont.

I never feel awkward about not - once I didnt drink for over a year.

I just say "oh no, Im not drinking tonight thanks" if it comes up and when pressed I will usually tell them that its because it doesnt agree with me, I hate hangovers, I need a clear head the next day, Im trying to keep my diet clean, Im not in the mood....or whatever.

Its really not a big deal. When you are female people often start asking you if you are pregnant if you go out and not drink which is just weird.

Yellow pack crisps

Just tell them you’re allergic to alcohol which is not really a lie if you think about it.

Ursus Horribilis

There are a lot more people now who don't drink. Even when they're socialising. Why do you think there are suddenly so many 0% beers (and a smattering of wines) appearing in supermarkets? I'm pretty sure I spotted 0% beer for sale in Lidl recently. If there wasn't a demand for them, they wouldn't be on sale here. Maybe you're hyper-sensitive because of your past troubles? A simple "I don't drink" should suffice. I also know that when people get to 40 or so, they often can't drink what they did in their 20s and find the hangovers really awful.

ongarboy

Not that you really should have to give an excuse but if you feel you need to, maybe say something like "I get very bad hangovers that last the whole next day so it's easier for me not to have even the one". If it's a work night, you can use that excuse even more so that you can have a clear head for the next day.

It sounds like someone would be really juvenile if they kept persisting as to why you won't have a "proper" drink. I've had people in my circles over the years that didn't drink. Granted, they were the minority but it was never considered odd. I probably even asked small talk type questions about whether they liked to drink or not or why they didn't drink so am hoping they weren't uncomfortable being asked. I would definitely have not pursued them over it or made comments about it being odd.

I could be very wrong but it's possible you are projecting the reason why are not drinking (the depression) onto the person making the idle or harmless observation about having a drink, as if somehow they are trying to force you to admit your underlying reason...when they're not actually...hence your issue with being asked?

.......

Its totally fair enough just to say "I dont like it".

Payton

I gave up alcohol about 4 yrs ago. I was asked everything as to why I gave it up. For me it was a personal choice and I havnt looked back and it hasn't effected my social life. I can vouch for the non alcoholic beer in Lidl by the way it's probably 1 of the best out there.
Be honest with people and say you gave it up for personal reasons and YOU like it.. and leave it at that.

LegacyUser

I don't drink. I'm driving. Have to work in the morning. Whenever I'm asked if I'd like a drink a simple "No thanks, I'm grand" suffices. If the person pushes, a simple "No thanks, I don't drink" always ends it. This shouldn't be an issue at all.

baby and crumble

I’m not a big drinker and I often find that when folks ask you why you’re not drinking it is a mix of curiosity and slight defensiveness. Curiosity because if they are big drinkers, the idea of people still being good craic on a night out without drinking is alien to them. Defensiveness because there are some non-drinkers who can be a bit “evangelical” about it. I think if you’re at a work thing and say “oh well We’ve work tomorrow so I want a clear head” could be construed as you judging them for not wanting a clear head. I’m not saying that is what you’d be doing but people can take things up wrong.

Nine times out of ten people are just making idle chat and actually don’t care if you’re drinking or not. An easy way to gloss over it is actually to say that you’re saving up for something - a heavy night out can cost a lot. That won’t work if it’s a free bar though!

rolling boh

really do not think you have to give any explanation especially when you get that bit older.There are a lot of non drinkers about also I find with the drink driving issue now if you drive at all now you are quite limited when you can drink if you really follow the rules to a tee.I would not comment on anybody not drinking its not an issue.It might be harder when you are a student or around that age group that are spending their time in pubs but for you it should not be an issue.If anybody keeps going on about it they are not really worth bothering about.

Mr. Incognito

My way of weaning off was to drink 0% alcohol.

Once theres a bottle in front of you people dont care.

Foweva Awone

I'm reading a book at the moment called The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober by Catherine Gray, I'd recommend it, it's got loads of advice about the situations you describe. Really helps reframe your thinking around it all.