Advice needed please

PatMc13

After fifteen years of marriage, the last five of which have been hell, I have taken the decision to leave the family home. This kills me. My two children mean everything to me but the arguing and the fighting has been constant and, for their sake and mine, I can't stay any longer.
I am so worried now about the next step. I can most likely stay with a friend in the short term. I have always paid the mortgage in full for the last fifteen years. Payments are €1200 a month. My wife earns €60k+ and I earn €70k. I would be happy to continue paying the mortgage for the sake of the children, if possible. Would this be unusual? Would I be better to pay half only? My biggest fear is that she will try to turn our kids against me and not let them see me. I am worried sick as she can be very stubborn. I would love to hear from anyone who can offer some advice. Many thanks.
P.

Red Lightning

PatMc13 wrote:

After fifteen years of marriage, the last five of which have been hell, I have taken the decision to leave the family home. This kills me. My two children mean everything to me but the arguing and the fighting has been constant and, for their sake and mine, I can't stay any longer. I am so worried now about the next step. I can most likely stay with a friend in the short term. I have always paid the mortgage in full for the last fifteen years. Payments are €1200 a month. My wife earns €60k+ and I earn €70k. I would be happy to continue paying the mortgage for the sake of the children, if possible. Would this be unusual? Would I be better to pay half only? My biggest fear is that she will try to turn our kids against me and not let them see me. I am worried sick as she can be very stubborn. I would love to hear from anyone who can offer some advice. Many thanks. P.

Don't have any advice cos I don't know much about this type of stuff but I'm very sorry for your situation. You sound like a sound fella and I hope you and your wife can come to an amicable outcome. It's sh1t now but things will get better. All the best.

Xterminator

Hi Op

this is a big step, seperation. You shouldn't try to make too many permanent decisions too quickly either. "i will continue to pay the mortgage now", does not have to mean i will pay it for the whole term etc. you should aim to attend mediation with your wife to come to amicable mutually agreed decisions. this will help you maintain a civil relationship, which will of course benefit the children, and their wellbeing.

Decisions like, mortgage, suport, and custody arrangements/sharing visiting, christmases and birthdays etc, they all work best if agreed by both parties. Its not always possible but at least with mediation, bickering and point scoring etc can be minimised.

Nikki Sixx

Sounds like you need legal advice. The Citizens Information Bureau might be of help? (Obviously further down the track you will need a solicitor).