Advice on alcohol issue affecting relationship

JudyN

Hi Guys

Will try to keep this as short as possible (as I could go on a serious rant!). I have been with my BF 4 years and his drinking has been getting worse for the last 2 years. He seems completely unable to handle his drinking and I'm not sure if he has an alcohol issue or not. He becomes distant when he drinks and can forget about me because he gets so drunk (for example, he goes to the bathroom and never comes back, then comes home at about 6am with no contact). More recently, we had a big dinner planned over the weekend but he went out and didnt come home until 11am, and was still drunk, then didn't manage to contact me or get out of bed until Sunday. Things like this happen over and over again and I've more recently threatened to end things, but he promised me it would never happen again, and low and behold it does. We have no other issues in our relationship and things are so good apart from his drinking (these episodes might happen every 2 months or so). I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. Should I ask him to stop drinking? Should he see a counsellor? I really don't want to end things but I am contemplating it at the moment, even though the idea of losing what we have kills me.

Any advice appreciated.

jlm29

Just go. It’s hard, but it’s the only way really.ive been in your position, and nothing ever changed, in spite of constant promises.

Always Tired

He's got a drinking problem. Binge drinking to where you lose control and scupper responsibilities is a form of alcoholism.

Very few will stop because their gf wants them to. They'll fight with you, they'll hide it, they'll try and deflect by turn the tables on you and pointing out how you do this or that. Meanwhile they'll piss their money away, make an arse of themself, down the line they may possibly get in fights, get barred from places, get arrested. It always gets progressively worse, it's the nature of the disease.

Most won't stop at all, some will eventually, but not till they've hit rock bottom, and even then they'll struggle for a long time to keep away from it. Worst is that it only takes literally one drink and the downward spiral starts again.

It's an absolute torture to be an alcoholic, but being in a relationship with one is nearly worse because you have even less control over the situation than the alcoholic does (he can stop drinking if he really tries but if he doesnt want to stop you cant make him) so you will feel anxious and helpless when he goes on a session.

If you stay with him the behaviour will continue. Why would he stop if he hasn't lost anything due to drink? Do yourself a favour and don't get dragged into his downward spiral because booze is so hard to beat even when you finally decide to try and stop. And he's nowhere near that yet, so if you stay, just know things are likely to get much worse before they ever get better. Do you really want to go through all that or do you want to hop off the merry go round now before you endure whatever his disease has in store?

Caranica

OP look up your nearest Al Anon group, they provide fantastic support for families and friends of alcoholics and other addicts. You may ultimately decide to leave him but try this first.

Daisy78

Alcoholics (or people with a drinking problem if that’s the term you would prefer) rarely give up drinking at the behest of a loved one, I speak from experience. Your boyfriend’s apology is merely buying him time, enough grace to allow him go on another session without losing you. Loving someone who has a drinking problem is an exercise in madness, you could go weeks and weeks without any trouble at all and then one day, or night as the case may be the want comes upon him and you are back to where you started, with nothing to show for it only a pile of broken promises. There are plenty of people out there who do live with it, but mostly I think those without a choice. You’re (I’m assuming) young and should want more for your life. A break may also force your boyfriend into realising what drinking has cost him and potentially more if he does not address it.

Big Bag of Chips

JudyN wrote: »

Things like this happen over and over again and I've more recently threatened to end things, but he promised me it would never happen again, and low and behold it does......

Any advice appreciated.

There's no consequences for his drinking. So he has no incentive to change. You threaten to leave, but don't. So he knows he's safe enough carrying on because, even though you might be a bit pissed off for a while, he'll say a few right things, make a few promises and all will be grand gut another while.

Go to Al-Anon yourself. It's a support group for people living with an alcoholic in their lives. You will meet others in the same, similar and worse situations than you. And most importantly you will learn that you can't change him, but what you can change about yourself.

Shemale

Its tough but you are better off leaving him, I know plenty of people like that.

A few of the people have kids and its a **** show for their other halfs, dont wait until you have kids, much harder to leave then.