Friend Said They Love Me?

LegacyUser

My friend James and I had great chemistry when we met through a work event, but naturally our texting fizzled out over time. We met a few months down the line through work again and went out. He seemed bored out of his mind by whatever I said and talked about himself non-stop which I know now could've been nerves, but at the time I thought he just didn't want to be there! I did like him a bit but I thought he didn't like me so I left it.

We hung out with some friends a few times after that and they thought he liked me but I said he couldn't after that date. I met my boyfriend Andy during this time and it instantly felt 'right' with him. I get a new job, now working in the same office as James. Life is fantastic.

Few months down the line, James and I are at a party and he's drinking. We're very good friends by now and he's hugging me a lot, telling me how great I am, etc. Few weeks later, he reaches a career milestone and finds out while he's on holidays and already a bit drunk. I tell him I'm delighted for him, etc. He texts me thanks for always encouraging him and says "love you." I think it a bit strange but don't want to question it or ruin his excitement and text him back "haha, love ya too, now get back to the bar."

I can't explain why but over the next few weeks, I get the feeling that he likes me. But then I think it's in my head.

The next month we're out with friends and he's back with the hugging but I realise he doesn't hug anyone but me. I say to him to stop. I feel sick and go home early, waking up the next morning to see James had text me that night saying just "I love you." No context. I asked him what the story is with the text and he says he meant it in a friendly way as I'd gone home sick and he wanted me to feel better. I don't know what to even say to that so I leave it.

I know some people are very open about saying they love others but I'm not, nobody I know is, I've never even told my parents I love them, never mind a friend!

I tell Andy about the text and he's furious and worried that James will 'try something next time.' He said our friendship had made him a little uncomfortable as he thought James had feelings for me, but he never brought it up because he knew I'd never cheat.

It's been a week now. I haven't text James since, he hasn't text me. We haven't had to speak to each other in work either. He had become one of my best friends and I'm a bit gutted. Andy doesn't trust him or like me around him, but he accepts the work situation. There's not much of a chance either of us will leave our company in the next decade – small industry but the dream company.

I did have feelings for James in the past and to be honest, before I suspected he liked me I had thought about what it'd be like to kiss him once or twice (he'd changed his look up completely around that point and improved tenfold imo), but I've thought nothing more about it since. Andy is the one I love, no doubt about it.

So do I do anything? He said he meant he loved me in a friendly way, so maybe I'm just overthinking nothing? If he does like me, I guess it's his own thing to deal with? I just don't know.


TLDR: A friend my partner and I had suspected had feelings for me has text me that he loves me while drunk and I'm not sure whether it means anything because he was drunk. It's been a week since that and we've not spoken.

Big Bag of Chips

It's irrelevant whether he actually loves you or not. You are happy in your relationship and not looking for anything with him. Right?

Carry on as professionally as necessary to do your job. But limit your friendship with him, out of respect for your relationship.

zapper55

And stay out of his way when you've drink on you. I get the impression from your post that you might be tempted.

redfox123

Do nothing. He had his chance when you were both single and didn't make any effort. He's one of those guys that will then flirt and mess with your head when you're happily coupled up because he's comfortable to do so and there's no risk of actual commitment because you're not single. He picks up that you like him and is enjoying the attention and playing with you, if he says this ridiculous 'I love you' message again just ignore it. Dial back on the friendship, it's not fair on your bf, you would hate it if some woman 'friend' he had had a date with was being like this with him.

LegacyUser

You texted back love ya too to his initial I love you text!? While in a relationship. Maybe look at your own behaviour in this scenario rather than the 100% focus on his.

ginandtonicsky

He’s a messer who likes what he can’t have. Or he finds it easier to flirt with you because you’re “taken” and nothing can happen. Or he’s just being a bit overly friendly and you’re reading more into it because you’re into him.

Any of those things could be true. Or none of them. Does it really matter? You’re in love with your boyfriend and it demonstrably didn’t work with this fella when you were single.

Move on, stay friendly but don’t encourage any inappropriate behaviour from this lad. Ignore any more “love you” texts and focus on your boyfriend, the guy who isn’t wrecking your head with bs behaviour.