Wedding Singer Issues- Advice Needed

ThePears1

Hi guys,

Myself and my other half are due to get married in October 2019, officially past the 6 month stage and so excited for the day.

We are one of the first in our friend groups to get wed, and wanted to touch base with a few of you to see if you had any thoughts/advice on how to deal with some teething problems we've been having with our wedding singer.

To set some perspective- we came across a singer who we both loved, but wouldn't market themselves as a wedding singer, they are a young artist, trying to break into the scene. We contacted them to see if they would be available on our date and open to doing weddings, and they responded, a number of weeks later saying they were. We were delighted and went from there, swapping logistics of place/time, getting a contract signed and paying a 20% deposit to secure the date.

At this point, all was fine and the wedding was about 9-10 months away so we put planning on the back burner and got on with our other duties/daily lifes etc.

About 3 months ago, just at the start of 2019, we contacted the singer just with a query regarding potential choices etc. and we found it extremely difficult to get a response, and were often waiting weeks at a time- we didn't mind this so much, as we knew the wedding was so far away and we all have our own jobs and daily duties to get on with- so didn't pass much heed. Eventually we got a response and were told that it was easier to use whatsapp, as email wasn't a platform they used- on this suggestion we set up a whatsapp group for use for any queries or question either side may have had.

We set the group up in February, about 2 months ago, and both sent a message saying hi and just letting them know that we were excited to have them on board for the day and how much we were looking forward to it- again a response was difficult to gauge, but about 2 weeks later we received a lovely reply, asking us to send over some suggestions we had for songs, she would do a quick demo recording of each (30 seconds or so of each to make sure we were happy with the choices) and we would go from there, we did and this was perfect.


We waited for about 2.5 months (up until last week) and never heard back- we were starting to get a bit concerned, as we thought it was quite a long time and just waned to check in. I sent a quick message just letting them know that they could reach us here or by email with any questions they had- this was ignored for 2 weeks. I sent a follow up message just asking if they received our past message (as I know sometimes phones go missing, people change numbers and things can be forgotten) and we immediately received a reply. The reply was over the top, extremely apologetic and the singer was going into all the personal reasons as to why they hadn't gotten back to us. Now this made us slightly uncomfortable, as we didn't want to be causing any additional strain on people, and just checked in to see if all was going ok.

The reply we received suggested that the samples would be sent over by the following evening (at the latest) to which we thanked them and told them we couldn't wait. However we noted that in the message there were a lot of inconsistencies i.e. "I have the songs nearly together" / "personal reasons have caused a delay in sitting down to record the tracks".

The following morning, we received a message saying that they were having trouble with the recordings and they would have them over to us as soon as possible- obviously again, another convenient excuse to delay what we had been told the previous evening that they had "nearly together".

This is now over a week ago and to no surprise to ourselves, we haven't received anything.

We are both very very reasonable people- and understand that the wedding is a number of months away, however we are slightly concerned with both the lack of response to general queries (up to 2.5 months), and the discrepancies within the responses.

We are both getting quite worried that this singer will let us down on the day- we have time to look for someone else at this point, but don't want to leave it much later to do so if we have to. We aren't looking for much, or demanding anything unreasonable- just for us to feel secure that they will perform on the day and not let us down last minute, and the short demos that we've paid the deposit for would be sent on by a set date, even if that is in a few weeks- and not to be lied to by overzealous apologies.

I am wondering has anyone experienced this sort of issue and how you would deal with it?

Thanks in advance for any help, it's much appreciated.

893bet

Find some one else.

Then cancel.

rolling boh

you will have to see them in person to gauge the situation it sounds really messy and appears to look like a late no show.A different singer seems to be the way to go good luck.

ThePears1

rolling boh wrote: »

you will have to see them in person to gauge the situation it sounds really messy and appears to look like a late no show.A different singer seems to be the way to go good luck.

Thanks for this. One of the issues- singer moved to Germany just before end of 2018. We can't really meet them due to this. We had booked at Christmas to see them play a gig in March in Dublin- but they cancelled this due to personal reasons.. possibly another red flag

yabadabado

Get someone else. No point practically begging this person who seems like they have little interest.

rolling boh

little choice it seems other than to cancel very risky too many red flags it appears singer has no real interest in doing the gig.

splinter65

Just cancel and get someone else. She’ll probably be as relieved as you because she doesn’t appear to be in a position to meet your needs at the moment.

ThePears1

splinter65 wrote: »

Just cancel and get someone else. She’ll probably be as relieved as you because she doesn’t appear to be in a position to meet your needs at the moment.

So it seems. It's extremely unprofessional though that replying to an email every 2 months can be seen as meeting needs after receiving a deposit and accepting the gig. I'm glad the rest of the vendors aren't as complicated.

We wouldn't even mind if they did need to cancel- everyone has their own situation and issues, it's just the empty promises are very disheartening.

Wabbit Ears

You really need to learn to take a hint.. or a dozen hints.

The singer doesn't want to do the gig. Find someone who does.

Big Bag of Chips

Who covers the cost of her flight to do your wedding? And pay for her accommodation while here?

There are plenty of singers living locally who would make better logistical sense. Cancel her and find someone who you can actually communicate with.

lainycool

For your own peace of mind I would find another singer, The last thing you need on your wedding day is to be worried whether she is going to show up or not.

skallywag

Agreed, you cannot possibly rely on this person now.

Young people trying to break into the music scene would usually distance themselves as far as possible from a wedding singer tag, so I am guessing that when they took it on it was as a plan C or D, or just something to secure some cash in the pocket if need be. Yes, it is very unprofessional the way that they are now behaving, but the unfortunate truth is that some young aspiring artists tend to come bundled with issues and other priorities which will differ a lot from the expectations of a couple getting married who require someone steady and reliable.

I would seriously advise cutting your losses with them and searching for someone else.

Ash.J.Williams

He's a stoner

Addle

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Who covers the cost of her flight to do your wedding? And pay for her accommodation while here?

There are plenty of singers living locally who would make better logistical sense. Cancel her and find someone who you can actually communicate with.

I think you brought this drama on yourself OP.
Surely there us someone in Ireland who could meet your requirements?
Just accept that you made a mistake and move on.

ThePears1

Addle wrote: »

I think you brought this drama on yourself OP.
Surely there us someone in Ireland who could meet your requirements?
Just accept that you made a mistake and move on.

They lived in Ireland when we initially made contact. And the fee we're paying covers both flights and accommodation for the day. I don't accept that we brought the drama upon ourselves in slightest.

ThePears1

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Who covers the cost of her flight to do your wedding? And pay for her accommodation while here?

There are plenty of singers living locally who would make better logistical sense. Cancel her and find someone who you can actually communicate with.

We cover both of these. But I agree- logistically it's too difficult

backspin.

Major red flag is not answering for weeks. And as a young band I wonder do they think they are too cool for being a weddings band.

Big Bag of Chips

Ah here OP, think of the extra added cost that's putting on you. And then the stress of wondering whether she's going to even bother showing up and be able to sing what you've asked of her.

Surely her voice can't be that unique and amazing that nobody else can compare?

Text her and tell her that you understand that she appears too busy at the moment to take on your wedding. Tell her you are uneasy about the level of contact and the broken promises. Tell her you absolutely understand that she has other things going on in her life, but that you need to have confidence in your wedding singer, and you don't.

Then ask her for the deposit back.

She should return it because she is the one letting you down. Although maybe how she makes her money as a struggling artist is to take deposits, mess her clients around, force them to cancel her and then refuse to return the deposit.

Nice little sideline for pocket money

Jane1012

Are you sure you’re not being overbearing? You say your wedding is 6 months away, and you booked her 9-10 months away from your wedding but put it on the back burner but then contacted her 3 months ago - which would be 9 months before your wedding no?

However I think having someone who is not a wedding singer and living overseas hired as a wedding singer is not a good idea. Try get someone else who understands dealing with couples who are under stress trying to organise a wedding.

ThePears1

Jane1012 wrote: »

Are you sure you’re not being overbearing? You say your wedding is 6 months away, and you booked her 9-10 months away from your wedding but put it on the back burner but then contacted her 3 months ago - which would be 9 months before your wedding no?

However I think having someone who is not a wedding singer and living overseas hired as a wedding singer is not a good idea. Try get someone else who understands dealing with couples who are under stress trying to organise a wedding.

Definitely don't think we're being overbearing but possibly we're just looking for a bit too much someone who doesn't work in the area expects.

MOD- If the thread could be closed that would be great.

All advice received appreciated

the_syco

ThePears1 wrote: »

Thanks for this. One of the issues- singer moved to Germany just before end of 2018. We can't really meet them due to this. We had booked at Christmas to see them play a gig in March in Dublin- but they cancelled this due to personal reasons.. possibly another red flag

Seems the persons interest in you wanes until you push a deadline. For the stress that this is causing you, I'd say drop them and look for someone that currently lives in Ireland.

skallywag

backspin. wrote: »

...And as a young band I wonder do they think they are too cool for being a weddings band.

This could very likely be the case, and I would never ask such a band to do a wedding unless they have a proven track record. Just too much risk.

Anne_cordelia

ThePears1 wrote: »

They lived in Ireland when we initially made contact. And the fee we're paying covers both flights and accommodation for the day. I don't accept that we brought the drama upon ourselves in slightest.

Honestly I don’t think you should be covering the cost of flights and accommodation if they lived in Ireland when you booked them.

Faith

Mod note: Thread closed at OP request.