Me, wife and kids seem to be stuck in circle of drama

Dobskidd

Hi everyone, looking for some advice. Our life is like eastender right now, this is going to be a long post so you’ve been warned lol. I recently turned 29, my wife is 31 and we have 2 kids together. One is borderline autistic and other has disabilities due to having 20% vision in both eyes. So we are home a lot, our problem is families. They keep dragging us into things, and when they don’t we get sucked in somehow. My wife’s sister is a head case, I use that term lightly but she’s off her head. Their family made the decision to have her institutionalized because she became a danger to herself and her child, but the result of that was she was too far gone in life to be “cured” so they let her out, and she’s full of hatred for us and she wants revenge, so the first person that got it was me, I got a pretty bad beating by one of her friends in a bar the other night, and iv been left kind of nervous the last few days since. Iv gone to Gards and bla bla bla there investigating he will get done bla bla. See these kind of things has been happening for years since me and my wife got together her sister really put a strain on our marriage to The point of us splitting up for months even upto a year and in that time her sister made my wife’s life hell and even drove her to a suicide attempt,( thankfully it didn’t work) but anyway I know what everyone’s thinking “ why don’t ye just leave and get away from it all” see my wife’s parents live in the same town too, and their elderly enough and my wife feels guilty leaving them, now they are very very close and the sister tries to put them through hell so my wife steps in and tries to sort everything and take away their stress. But it’s putting massive pressure on my wife and her mental health is not good and getting worse. Last year we were given a brand new council house lovely quiet private estate and we waited so long for and in the year we’ve done so much to the house, so anyway after me getting a beating my wife is now adamant that we move away from one of the country to the other as a fresh start and leave her sister out of our lives for good. I’m kind of in two minds here though, we waited so long for a house we finally got it, done so much to it and made it our own even had plans on buying it from the council, if we were too move away not only will we lose our home but we will have to go back to square one again privately renting, starting afresh on the council list and basically moving up with no job either so really starting from scratch. She’s talking about moving in one years time and I don’t know where to start or whatever. Our kids are number one and we want to teach them all the right things but it’s not gonna happen here with all the drama from her sister because seriously theirs something new every week with her and she tries and tries to drag us into it even though we have no communication with her she makes trouble for us somehow.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here maybe just some guidance or advice on the whole situation, if I was to write about everything here then I would actually write a book I reckon,

Anyway sorry for the long post it’s just their is so much to it

melon_collie

You need to get out of there. Don't worry about the house. The mental health of you and your family is much more important. Once you get setup you can invite the in laws down to give them a break from the stress.

Xterminator

Hi Op

im surprised that you still are resisting moving away, after you got a hiding. no i'm shocked at your priorities.

Whats more important, the quality of your family's life, or having a nice house? Its not just yourself to think about. how do the kids fell if mam and dad are stressed out, never mind beaten to a pulp? What kind of strain will this put on the relationship?

Get you ass into the council offices and look for an compassionate transfer. make sure you bring evidence of reporting the assault to the guards, emails and texts you may have to back up your claims and explain your circumstances.

Dobskidd

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

im surprised that you still are resisting moving away, after you got a hiding. no i'm shocked at your priorities.

Whats more important, the quality of your family's life, or having a nice house? Its not just yourself to think about. how do the kids fell if mam and dad are stressed out, never mind beaten to a pulp? What kind of strain will this put on the relationship?

Get you ass into the council offices and look for an compassionate transfer. make sure you bring evidence of reporting the assault to the guards, emails and texts you may have to back up your claims and explain your circumstances.

I know it’s a material thing, I guess I’m just scared or nervous to start from scratch.
I never heard of compassionate transfer, I will definitely look into it. Thank you

Dobskidd

melon_collie wrote: »

You need to get out of there. Don't worry about the house. The mental health of you and your family is much more important. Once you get setup you can invite the in laws down to give them a break from the stress.

Thanks

tara73

Did you mean moving 'counties' or moving countries altogehter?

I'm not so sure about the moving thing. Can you be sure she will not set up something in a different county also or even country if she's that nuts? Then the whole moving will be in vain and you lost twice so to say.

I would think very hard if there are no other possibilities to stop her ?

strandroad

I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve by moving; you're not going to avoid visiting your parents in law unless your wife cuts them off too. And the sister could move too or at least keep showing up for some drama, just to bang on your new door or set fire to your wheelie bin if she is so determined.

It feels like you're completely beaten down so you'll allow her to have her way and play with you both however she sees fit. Have you tried attending some counselling with your wife to help you show a unified front, have you considered getting a restraining order?

Dobskidd

tara73 wrote: »

Did you mean moving 'counties' or moving countries altogehter?

I'm not so sure about the moving thing. Can you be sure she will not set up something in a different county also or even country if she's that nuts? Then the whole moving will be in vain and you lost twice so to say.

I would think very hard if there are no other possibilities to stop her ?

Sorry moving Counties, we basically wanted move from south west to up close to north of the country and she wouldn’t know where move too and when she does find out, their wouldn’t be anyone she could manipulate to destroy us you know.

FAILSAFE 00

Perhaps some form of protection order.

*I've no experience of how this works but its the first thing that came to mind when dealing with an abusive family member.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/problems_in_marriages_and_other_relationships/barring_safety_and_protection_orders.html