How about a "Fresh Start" day!?

banie01

So today is the 12th anniversary of the death of my wife, the mother of our son and to be quite honest one of the best people I've ever been lucky enough to know.

I'd like to think I've gotten better at dealing with the grief that comes but let's be honest...

Some days it just washes over ya like a wave and can take a little while to recover from.

Anyway today, rather than dwell on who we lost and feel a little sorry for ourselves and selfish!
I had a thought, today 12yrs ago 4 people received organ transplants as a result of my wife's very definite instructions(that I never thought I'd have to follow! No-one dies this young 😉)
Those people got a fresh start, a chance to recover from an illness or injury and to live a life renewed with a new vigour I hope!

I hope those people are happy!
That they followed their dreams and that life went easy on them!
I hope they don't worry about life debts, paying it forward or anything else of that sort...
Most of all...!!

I hope they never feel any guilt that they are here only because someone else is not!
I spent some of the time I mourned my wife, angry that those people got to have time "because" of her...
I'm sorry I ever thought so selfishly....

Yes it was "because" of her...
But only in that's what she always did best, help! Do the right thing! Be strong!

It's only now, that I realize after 12yrs I got a transplant too...
She gave me a conscience, a morality and a life of memories that I share with our son as we move on and build our new life without her.

My own fresh start didn't really kick in until I realized that!

endacl

You’re one of the posters I like.

Kilboor

You have a great, honest attitude.

Thanks for your post it puts things in life into perspective

eviltwin

What a beautiful post and a lovely remembrance of your wife. It's lovely to read something so positive here. Your wife left an incredible legacy and I hope those individuals are having a wonderful life.

whiskeyman

This is why I love boards.
Among some of the fun and crap, you get this.
A pure gem from a fellow human we could all learn from.

Mint Sauce

Sorry about the loss of your wife, and the mother of your kid. But you do sound like you have developed a very positive out look despite it all. Good luck to the future, and enjoy and share the memories with your son.

There is nothing selfish about your thoughts Banie or dwelling on the loss of your wife x

B0jangles

Sounds like she was a wonderful woman who was married to a pretty damn good guy

Boom_Bap

banie, I love you man

banie01

Ahh folks thanks for appreciating the thanks whoring

Seriously though, as the kid and I were chatting today after mass and the usual anniversary rituals.
It dawned on us both that wouldn't it be so much better to remember the 2nd chances? The fresh starts!
Rather than the all too sudden finishes.

7 Seconds...

Your weren't being selfish, you were grieving the death of your wife. Best of luck to you and your son in the future.

Banie, you're a very special person with a very special family, and some of your insights and perfect articulations of some of the hardest things to talk about have hit me right where it matters.

You deserve nothing but happiness and new beginnings and as many fresh starts as you ever need. You're a prince.

Mam of 4

Banie , beautiful heartfelt words , puts what really matters in life into perspective .

SirChenjin

Beautiful post banie.
Thank you sincerely for sharing that.

kateee47298

Beautiful. It sounds like your wife was an amazing woman, the world needs more people like her

Truckermal

endacl wrote: »

You’re one of the posters I like.

Yep I always liked him too from various forums we frequent but I like him more now, onwards and upwards Banie...

TimesArrow

Beautiful extraordinary post.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Lovely OP.

I was reading recently about a British boy who was shot in the head in a botched burglary on holiday in Italy in 1994. Pretty much any organ of his that could be donated was donated. His parents got to meet all the organ recipients and it led to a long-lasting increase in organ donation rates in Italy, which had one of the worst rates in Europe prior to this highly publicised tragedy. The person who got the little boy’s heart only died in the last few years.

iamwhoiam

Thank you for a lovely post and a reminder to us all to face a new day with courage and joy

Hannibal_Smith

Such a lovely post xxx

That's one of the nicest most honest posts I've ever read on Boards.
Grief can be so fierce and angry and selfish, it's a huge part of it. How amazing that you've reconciled that piece and settled on the good, the uplifting and the positive - without forgetting either.
Thanks op.

banie01

Folks, thanks to every single person who posted a reply and thanked my OP.

I posted this over on Reddit too, just to share our little epiphany from today.

To have gotten some of the comments here, from posters I know from boards for a long time, who's opinions I often find myself agreeing with and who's comments I always appreciate even if I'm not involved in their threads, means a lot.

I'm glad that the post has meant so much to some here.
For me, boards has been a great source of advice, support and friendship over the years aswell as being quite cathartic when I'm too deep in my thoughts.

From AH to PI and everywhere in between
Thanks Everyone!

It's really helped make the day a little easier!

banie01

banie01 wrote: »

So today is the 12th anniversary of the death of my wife, the mother of our son and to be quite honest one of the best people I've ever been lucky enough to know.

I'd like to think I've gotten better at dealing with the grief that comes but let's be honest...

Some days it just washes over ya like a wave and can take a little while to recover from.

Anyway today, rather than dwell on who we lost and feel a little sorry for ourselves and selfish!
I had a thought, today 12yrs ago 4 people received organ transplants as a result of my wife's very definite instructions(that I never thought I'd have to follow! No-one dies this young ��)
Those people got a fresh start, a chance to recover from an illness or injury and to live a life renewed with a new vigour I hope!

I hope those people are happy!
That they followed their dreams and that life went easy on them!
I hope they don't worry about life debts, paying it forward or anything else of that sort...
Most of all...!!

I hope they never feel any guilt that they are here only because someone else is not!
I spent some of the time I mourned my wife, angry that those people got to have time "because" of her...
I'm sorry I ever thought so selfishly....

Yes it was "because" of her...
But only in that's what she always did best, help! Do the right thing! Be strong!

It's only now, that I realize after 12yrs I got a transplant too...
She gave me a conscience, a morality and a life of memories that I share with our son as we move on and build our new life without her.

My own fresh start didn't really kick in until I realized that!

You thanked a post of mine today and it jogged my memory that I had to post to this thread. I read this when you posted a few weeks back but was doing 50 other things at the time. My apologies. Your late wife is a heroine. At least 4 people will agree with me on that. I have always admired you as a poster here and as a fellow Limerick man. No doubt your son and your wife are proud of you. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you FFS! :pac: All the best for the future

banie01

Snotaul Goodman wrote: »

You thanked a post of mine today and it jogged my memory that I had to post to this thread. I read this when you posted a few weeks back but was doing 50 other things at the time. My apologies. Your late wife is a heroine. At least 4 people will agree with me on that. I have always admired you as a poster here and as a fellow Limerick man. No doubt your son and your wife are proud of you. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you FFS! :pac: All the best for the future

Thanks S.G!
Means a lot, you're a poster I often find myself on the same threads with and appreciating your posts!

And she is, both of them are
I'm lucky to have the family I do, and have had.

banie01

I've come back to this thread today as I used it as an example yesterday to my siblings and to a lovely Nurse/Coordinator from ODTI as to just how long it took me to shift my thinking and split the donation from my loss.

It was in the hope that they could take a shortcut past the anger I carried for a time after my 1st organ donor experience.

We lost our brother over the weekend and we all wanted to ensure that whatever good we could wring from his loss could be gotten.

I don't say it lightly,I know everyone skirts talking ill of the dead, but? For all his faults, my brother Colin was one of the most generous people I've ever known.

There's 8 siblings in my family and there's a split of 10yrs or so between the youngest of the 1st 3 and the eldest of the next 5.

Colin was the eldest of the 2nd half. He was a big brother to the younger ones as I'd long moved out of home and he segued into big brother and our mam's best friend role. If I was more like Colin? I'd be a better brother, a better dad and a better man.

The process of organ donation has changed for the better since my 1st experience. The ODTI nurse was lovely and addressed all our concerns. She also offered to take locks of his hair and handprints from Col that she'd send on to us later.

He had survived a haemorrhagic stroke earlier this month,then survived a pulmonary embolism and was well on the way to recovery. Before succumbing to a 2nd catastrophic bleed on Thursday. We lost him "officially" on Friday afternoon.

Yesterday his liver and some other viable organs were taken for a patient in the UK. The lag in time between Col's death and actually taking the organs worked well and we weren't in a headlong rush to get everything sorted and get people home.

I wish the recipient health, happiness and a long life.

Love you Col and see you in the next cartoon.

HildaOgdenx

@banie01 I am so sorry to hear about your brother.

What a great thing to do - the organ donation.

May he rest in peace.