What is wrong with me that I cant click with anyone

LegacyUser

As the title says, I cant date anyone because I just never seem to click with any men.
Ive been single for about 6 years, im in my 30's and in this time ive had no problems getting dates but I just cant seem to get that connection that makes me want to see them again.
The majority of the men ive dated have shown little to no interest in me or anything about my life, they dont ask questions about me and when they do, they quickly turn my answer back around on themselves.

Im quite introverted and the older ive gotten the more so ive become. When I was younger and in my twenties I went out every weekend and loved going to parties and gigs but I would still need a day or two after to be by myself to recharge.

As ive gotten older my priorities have changed, I dont drink very much anymore - maybe every few months ill go for a night out but its rare and I like it that way. I dont smoke anymore, I eat healthy, go to the gym regularly, I have hobbies like reading, aerial yoga, art, cooking, health and beauty, I love my job, it gives me so much fulfillment, ive good relationships with family and I have pets that I adore.

It all might sound a bit boring but im happy, I fill my life with things that make me happy, I dont need much in life and from years of dealing with mental health issues I know how important the little things are in life and im just so grateful for all that I have and all that ive worked hard to build for myself.
Like most people I havnt had it easy but also had no support from anyone around me, really discovered how little friends and family thought of me when I needed them most and I pretty much rebuilt my entire life by myself after a breakdown in my mid twenties, I put myself through college and went from near homelessness and an abusive relationship to a place where I am financially secure, self reliant and happy.

I didnt have the money for festivals or travel in my 20's, I was too busy trying to scrape enough money for rent and food, get my life together and deal with a mental illness all by myself, festivals, gigs and travelling the world wearnt things that I had the chance to do and now im in my 30's its really not something that appeals to me at this stage of my life.

So i was talking to this guy who is a little older than me, he is obsessed with festivals and music gigs and goes to them regularly, I find that genuinely interesting and we talked about it, im not personally into festivals myself but I can see why other people like them, when he realised I wasnt so much into them and I havnt been to one he instantly lost interest, throughout our conversation he barely asked about me at all, the entire conversation was about him.

Another guy I met became really judgmental and sanctimonious because I mentioned I liked something that he clearly thought was boring or uncool, he also judged me for where I live and when I told him what my job was he very reluctantly told me what his job was because he felt his job didnt sound as good as mine and was embarrassed to say what it was - I wouldnt judge anyone on what they do or dont do for a living. Once your happy thats all that matters in life and im sick and tired of other people projecting their insecurities and expectations onto others, Im not judgmental myself, im an anxious person and I worry allot but otherwise im pretty chilled out when it comes to other people and dont live my life trying to impress anyone.

These are just two examples but theyre very consistent experiences for me in regards to men that I meet or talk to either online or in real life.
I find them very judgmental of my life choices and interests, even when ive been accepting and genuinely interested in theirs, I find them completely incapable of having a mutual conversation where we both talk and listen and both show an interest in each other and respect each others differences.

Are men looking for an exact replica of themselves when dating? It feels like they wont tolerate any life style differences. Where as I love meeting people different from myself, I love experiencing new things and learning and although im introverted myself im usually attracted to my opposite but I feel that because im introverted and maybe dont have allot of life experience in terms of travel and doing lots of different things in my 20's, I get treated like an alien.

Anyone else feel this way or is it just me?

ginandtonicsky

Sounds about right. That’s just dating. You don’t click with 99.9% of the people you meet, hence you continue dating.

Are you meeting many of these men on apps? IME most people approach the apps with a laundry list in hand of the things they require in a partner because there’s so much perceived “choice” out there. So you’ll come under scrutiny on the apps for stupid things that have no real influence on romantic potential like hobbies or educational level or where you live or whatever because everyone thinks they can do “better” than the last person. Lots of self centred people lacking in self awareness too. Joke’s on them in the end, these types tend to get nowhere online in the long run.

Have you fully dealt with and resolved the issues from your 20s? The abusive relationship, mental health issues, abandonment etc. Have you done a lot of therapy? Reason I’m asking is because those underlying issues can have a very real influence on the men that you meet. Speaking as someone who has tended to go for emotionally unavailable men for my own underlying reasons and has suffered the consequences.

This stuff is important. You seem to have a real “fcuk people” and “me against the world” mentality that is worth exploring. Often these beliefs can be self fulfilling prophecies that cause us to be attracted to the wrong people or push the right people away too.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. Yes all of this sounds about right. I'm in the same boat and same age but male. No problem getting dates but rarely click. I find when you're conversing sometimes even if you don't agree on the tiniest thing or have different opinions or aren't into the same thing people can just immediately lose interest. Like I was talking to a girl that looked really good and seemed sound but when I mentioned I didn't like GAA she stopped talking to me. I mean is that really a dealbreaker? Maybe to her but I'm willing to try and work through such mountainous issues!
Just keep going I guess or take a break if you want. Sounds like you're living a good life anyway.