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Afraid of dating because I'm afraid of hurting anyone

  • 06-04-2019 10:45pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm 40 years old and I've spent my life going out with people who I suspected, from the get-go ,would be the person more likely to dump me in the end, rather than the other way around. I have an aversion to disappointing people.

    Can anyone relate to this? I feel like I've probably not given myself a fair chance because of it.

    I'm not claiming sainthood. I'm not a saint, at all. Maybe cowardly!

    Is it just normal to have to put yourself in situations where you're going to upset/disappoint people in order to get what you really want?


Comments

  • #2
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    It's quite a dramatic step to take for what is a basic human emotion. I don't think the vast majority of people like ending things with someone. I suspect this comes from somewhere deep rooted. Perhaps counselling would be able to help you confront and deal with it in order to be able to find and maintain a happy relationship. Hurting people and risking being hurt is the gamble we all take with relationships. It's either take that gamble or die alone at the end of the day.


  • #3
    joeguevara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,170 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    It is difficult to understand your post. You say people were more likely to dump you and you have an aversion to disappointing people. He then say is it normal to disappoint people to get what you want.

    As the previous poster said dating is a gamble. No guarantees. Figure out if you like someone Andy if not be nice but say it isn't working. Don't go into relationships thinking it's doomed to fail and similarly bound to work. It is the fun of meeting new people. Enjoy.


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