Roommate conflict

Mrshinch

This is a bit of a trivial problem but it's bothering me none the less. I live in an apartment with one other girl. The apartment is spotless. I clean as I go, so does she. I see the place as probably the cleanest apartment of anyone I know. I regularly give the place a good clean. However, my roommate is clean to the point of OCD I think. She wants to start hiring a cleaner. I don't really want an extra expense on top of the massive rent and other bills. She wants to hire one for once a week. My guess is this is approx 20 a month each. I know it's not a lot but it's just an extra expense and one we don't need.
The problem is that my cleaning is never up to standard so she feels like she is doing all the cleaning but what she's doing is re cleaning what I've cleaned because it doesn't suit her. I don't know how to approach this subject again. It's stressing me out because I'm trying to save to get my own place and already struggling financially every month and also feeling not good enough even though I know I'm super clean to everyone else. Sorry this sounds like such a stupid problem but I just feel annoyed.

Dial Hard

Ask her exactly what her issues are with your standard of cleaning and see if you can both come to an agreement as to what is acceptable.

I'm not saying this is the case with you but I have a friend who considers herself Monica from Friends but in reality she only gives everything a very superficial clean. Conversely, I have a family member who doesn't consider anything properly cleaned unless it's had the full bleach/anti-bac treatment, which I think is bananas. You need to see if you can find a middle ground with eachother.

zoobizoo

Compromise on once every 2 weeks....

it's a tenner a month to keep her quiet and happy. A small price to pay for peace and quiet.

Mrshinch

zoobizoo wrote: »

Compromise on once every 2 weeks....

it's a tenner a month to keep her quiet and happy. A small price to pay for peace and quiet.

It's really not something I want though or need. I'm already paying for channels I don't watch. The apartment is imacculate. It's show house standard.

Mrshinch

Dial Hard wrote: »

Ask her exactly what her issues are with your standard of cleaning and see if you can both come to an agreement as to what is acceptable.

I'm not saying this is the case with you but I have a friend who considers herself Monica from Friends but in reality she only gives everything a very superficial clean. Conversely, I have a family member who doesn't consider anything properly cleaned unless it's had the full bleach/anti-bac treatment, which I think is bananas. You need to see if you can find a middle ground with eachother.

Yeah that's true. I would class myself as a very neat and tidy person and I think 99% of people would agree. I don't know what her home place is like but I do think she has some kind of OCD to the point I'm already accommodating her notion of washing all dishes before putting them in the dishwasher and stacking the dishes in a certain order.

shenanagans

If she has OCD you won't be helping if you agree. She'd be better of talking to a professional about her OCD.

Tell her you're happy with the current situation.... You do your share.... You don't want another bill. If she persists just tell her you can't afford it..... She'll feel bad for pressuring you... Hopefully that will be the end of it.

Otherwise just be honest with her..... That your place is clean..... If she can't see that perhaps she needs to look at herself..... And if she's obsessed about it let her foot the bill.

It will only get worse.... Don't feed her obsession!

shenanagans

Mrshinch wrote: »

Yeah that's true. I would class myself as a very neat and tidy person and I think 99% of people would agree. I don't know what her home place is like but I do think she has some kind of OCD to the point I'm already accommodating her notion of washing all dishes before putting them in the dishwasher and stacking the dishes in a certain order.

'washing all dishes before putting them in the dishwasher'

You've got to be joking me!

Mrshinch

shenanagans wrote: »

'washing all dishes before putting them in the dishwasher'

You've got to be joking me!

I wish I was. I've seen her take washed dishes out of the dish washer and not be happy with them so put them back in for another go.
I'll definitely try up my cleaning game but I don't think it will be enough either. I did point out to her that this is an extremely clean apartment that I've been in apartments with visible mould before. I don't wanna be pressurised into a bill I don't want just to please someone else.

shenanagans

"She wants to hire one for once a week. My guess is this is approx 20 a month each."


You think someone will clean you apartment weekly for €40 a month. Are you mad?

I'd say €15 per hour would be more realistic (at least) . Given the standard you flatmate will demand .... you'll be luck if it's one hour a week (more like 2 if she's obsessed with cleaning) which would average €65 a month (€130 if it's 2 hours weekly).

Tell her NO! Topic Closed!

Tell her you don't want a stranger in your apartment or you can't afford it. Tell her whatever you want but NO! Simply NO! Discussion over!

Mrshinch

shenanagans wrote: »

"She wants to hire one for once a week. My guess is this is approx 20 a month each."


You think someone will clean you apartment weekly for €40 a month. Are you mad?

I'd say €15 per hour would be more realistic (at least) . Given the standard you flatmate will demand .... you'll be luck if it's one hour a week (more like 2 if she's obsessed with cleaning) which would average €65 a month (€130 if it's 2 hours weekly).

Tell her NO! Topic Closed!

Tell her you don't want a stranger in your apartment or you can't afford it. Tell her whatever you want but NO! Simply NO! Discussion over!

You're totally right I need to just say no. Sick of people pressuring others into doing something they don't want to. For some reason I had it in my head that a cleaner was 12 an hour so 48 a month. Regardless I don't want any more expensive

Esse85

If she wants a cleaner, let her pay for it, she has the problem here.

lawred2

Mrshinch wrote: »

It's really not something I want though or need. I'm already paying for channels I don't watch. The apartment is imacculate. It's show house standard.

I've a friend who thinks his house is spotless.

It's rank.

Big Bag of Chips

You obviously have different standards. I know people who rinse off everything before putting them in the dishwasher (is she "washing" everything or is she rinsing things?) also stacking the stuff into the dishwasher in a certain way isn't OCD, often times things fit better in a certain way, or things don't get washed properly if they're not stacked right. Then there are times when something needs to go back in because it hasn't been washed properly during the cycle.

You also say that the house is immaculate, and liken it to living in places with visible mold. If you're comparing it to places with visible mold and that is what you are judging "immaculate" against, well maybe it's not exactly immaculate, but it's not moldy and that's alright by you.

You two have different standards. That's fine. But you do need to come to a compromise. You think the place is immaculate, but if she's recleaning what you've cleaned, then maybe your immaculate and her immaculate are poles apart.

I think you need to tell her you're not paying for a cleaner. But you might need to consider do you need to improve on your own standard of cleaning? Or is she really OTT about it. But from what you've mentioned, she doesn't seem all that OTT.

(By the way, I don't rinse things before putting them in the dishwasher, and I'm certainly not a clean freak, so I'm not projecting any of my own feelings onto this!!)

Mrshinch

lawred2 wrote: »

I've a friend who thinks his house is spotless.

It's rank.

I can post pics if you want , lol! I wouldn't live anywhere filthy I'm very fussy with where I live hence the massive rent just for a place thats clean and only has two of us.

Mrshinch

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You obviously have different standards. I know people who rinse off everything before putting them in the dishwasher (is she "washing" everything or is she rinsing things?) also stacking the stuff into the dishwasher in a certain way isn't OCD, often times things fit better in a certain way, or things don't get washed properly if they're not stacked right. Then there are times when something needs to go back in because it hasn't been washed properly during the cycle.

You also say that the house is immaculate, and liken it to living in places with visible mold. If you're comparing it to places with visible mold and that is what you are judging "immaculate" against, well maybe it's not exactly immaculate, but it's not moldy and that's alright by you.

You two have different standards. That's fine. But you do need to come to a compromise. You think the place is immaculate, but if she's recleaning what you've cleaned, then maybe your immaculate and her immaculate are poles apart.

I think you need to tell her you're not paying for a cleaner. But you might need to consider do you need to improve on your own standard of cleaning? Or is she really OTT about it. But from what you've mentioned, she doesn't seem all that OTT.

(By the way, I don't rinse things before putting them in the dishwasher, and I'm certainly not a clean freak, so I'm not projecting any of my own feelings onto this!!)

I'm happy to post pics because I'm coming across like I'm dirty and she's normal here, lol!
She wants all cutlery seperated and all facing in the one direction. I stack everything so it gets washed, I've had a dishwasher all my life I'm not coming from life living in a cave. Lol.

The cushions on the couch need to be organised by colour, this doesn't bother me as it looks better anyway but it's at the point where I'm uncomfortable when the orange one is in the wrong place as I know she will move it.
Also, there are stacks of coasters all over the apartment because drinks without coasters are a no no.
Her last roommate had dirty plates under the bed when he left and 100+ empty beer bottles in his room.

Obviously I will up my cleaning game to ease her concerns but there's really not much more I can do besides mopping the floor more than just at the weekends. She asked me to stop cooking rice on the hob as it leaves marks on the rings if it overflows (I clean it if it does) so I got a steamer and make it that way now.

I've accommodated her in all her requests but when it comes to an extra bill on top of all the others I draw the line but I find conflict really difficult and this is stressing me out.

Mrshinch

Just some perspective of the current kitchen situation. I was the last one to cook here last night

Big Bag of Chips

Tell her she's wrong about the cutlery!! It needs to be mixed up to avoid "spooning", of all the cutlery fitting perfectly together. They will wash better if they're mixed up a bit and not all slotting in neatly together

Mrshinch

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Tell her she's wrong about the cutlery!! It needs to be mixed up to avoid "spooning", of all the cutlery fitting perfectly together. They will wash better if they're mixed up a bit and not all slotting in neatly together

My mam said she never stacks them upwards because then she has to touch the mouth piece to take them out.

Dial Hard

Mrshinch wrote:

My mam said she never stacks them upwards because then she has to touch the mouth piece to take them out.

I actually only read an article yesterday on the correct way to load the dishwasher. Knives should be placed blade down for safety reasons but forks and spoons should have the eating surface facing upwards so that they're cleaned properly. I always put them facing downwards for the same reason as your mam, but there you go!

Big Bag of Chips

Yep, knives down, everything else up, but mixed up in the basket. Maybe send her a link to some dishwasher loading tips. Although her head might just explode at the idea she's been doing it 'wrong' all this time!

Although it might be a lighthearted way to open up conversation about her way versus your way, and that either way isn't more right or wrong than the other. Tell her you simply can't afford another monthly bill and you understand if she wants to get a cleaner in but that you can't contribute to it.

A house share means compromising. But the compromise can't all be one way.

StinkyMunkey

Op unless your flat mate owns the apartment and is your land lady your under no obligation to entertain any of her silly notions.

Simply explain to her that you personally are happy with the level of cleaning and how clean the apartment is. If need be, explain to her in a calm manner what is considered a socially avcepatable level of cleanliness.

If she insists on hiring a cleaner, tell her you personally don't accept that a cleaner is needed, so if she wants a cleaner, it's for her to pay. Tell her your happy enough with the cleaner ignoring your room because she pays, and your also happy with the cleaner ignoring the communal areas because your happy with how clean they are. That leaves her bedroom.

Your flat mate has OCD, it doesn't take a specialist to figure that out. You are in no way obliged to feed into her disorder. Draw a line in the sand, do it in a calm manner and not in an emotionally charged state. Approach her and tell her you will meet her half way, it is not for her to dictate the level of cleanliness required in the apartment.

You need to take a stand, be firm without being confrontational.

Sardonicat

It's unlikely shell be satisfied with the cleaner's standards either.

I'd go with the above. If she wants a cleaner she can pay for one. No way would I be letting someone tell me how to load a dishwasher!

Mrshinch

Thanks everyone for the tips. Next time it is brought up I'll simply say I don't need the extra bill as I'm stretched as it is and the place in my opinion is spotless and I can do some extra cleaning if needed but I don't want another bill.

A relation of hers owns the apartment (I suspect her rent is less than half of mine due to this) but I'm sure he will know how clean it is and get my concerns.

I came back from holidays last week and unpacked the second I got in at 11pm and she said "oh I'd be waiting days before bothering to unpack" to it seems shes only like this with the kitchen area mostly.

witchgirl26

OP just on the cleaner - the costs are more than you're thinking. We have one purely to do the big clean items (bathroom etc) as we don't have time. 3 hours a fortnight is €50 and that is pretty standard. I'd have a chat with her next time she brings it up saying you've no problem if she wants to get a cleaner but considering that it'd be her choice and not yours, you're not willing to fund it and wouldn't be asking for your room to be cleaned etc. Also you'd have to potentially give a key to the cleaner as it's likely they'll be there when you're in work. Can always go down that route that you're not overly comfortable with a stranger in the house that frequently when you're not around.

the_pen_turner

is her goal to increase the levels of clenlyness or to maintain the level but giving her more spare time.

Mrshinch

witchgirl26 wrote: »

OP just on the cleaner - the costs are more than you're thinking. We have one purely to do the big clean items (bathroom etc) as we don't have time. 3 hours a fortnight is €50 and that is pretty standard. I'd have a chat with her next time she brings it up saying you've no problem if she wants to get a cleaner but considering that it'd be her choice and not yours, you're not willing to fund it and wouldn't be asking for your room to be cleaned etc. Also you'd have to potentially give a key to the cleaner as it's likely they'll be there when you're in work. Can always go down that route that you're not overly comfortable with a stranger in the house that frequently when you're not around.

My guess was just 12 pH because I remember years ago a friend of mine had one for that price. The more expensive the better as it gives me a better arguement than me sounding like a scab who won't spend 20 a month. Even though 20 is half what I pay for car insurance for the month so it's enough.

shenanagans

Does this girl have a partner? I mean does anyone else see her OCD?

OMG... If/when she meets her Prince.... Cinderella will drive the poor b*****d crazy with her obsessive need to clean the castle.

wiggle16

I don't think anyone's in any doubt that she is the problem. If she has an issue with the cleanliness of the kitchen in your photo she needs her head checked.

Let her pay for the cleaner if you have no real problem with it otherwise. Luckiest cleaner in the world, they won't have to do a tap by the looks of things!

Myself I've never liked the idea of paying someone to clean up after me, it just feels wrong. I also don't like the idea of someone I don't know being in my house or room when I'm not there. It's not even that I'd be afraid they'd steal or go rooting through my stuff, it just makes me uncomfortable. If you've reservations like those I wouldn't be indulging her.

(Love the username! )

Mrshinch

wiggle16 wrote: »

I don't think anyone's in any doubt that she is the problem. If she has an issue with the cleanliness of the kitchen in your photo she needs her head checked.

Let her pay for the cleaner if you have no real problem with it otherwise. Luckiest cleaner in the world, they won't have to do a tap by the looks of things!

Myself I've never liked the idea of paying someone to clean up after me, it just feels wrong. I also don't like the idea of someone I don't know being in my house or room when I'm not there. It's not even that I'd be afraid they'd steal or go rooting through my stuff, it just makes me uncomfortable. If you've reservations like those I wouldn't be indulging her.

(Love the username! )

I think the cleaner was more for a deep clean in the nooks and crannys we don't see that are dirty. Like under the fridge, inside the bin etc etc obviously I'll be more conscious of these going forward but I'm already feeling on edge even just cooking when she's here so she left for a few hours and I quickly made my lunches for the week.

I hate the idea of anyone in my room too, it's my personal space and since this is just temporary accomodation for me I don't have a lot of stuff here so I'd notice the slightest thing out of place

Sardonicat

Under the fridge? Does she think a cleaner is going to move a fridge?

Mrshinch

Sardonicat wrote: »

Under the fridge? Does she think a cleaner is going to move a fridge?

No idea every couple of weeks she spends the day cleaning and to be honest it looks the very same after and yesterday was one of those days which is what prompted the "this place is filthy what do you think about us hiring a cleaner" discussion

Even though she spent yesterday cleaning the apartment I still had to clean out the toaster today so I'm not sure what she's referring to that's filthy. Either way it's making me really unedge and thankful I'm heading out for dinner tonight