Looking for advice

LegacyUser

My marriage has been really on the rocks since the start of the year. It's been pretty extreme to the extent that she's sent a civil bill already.

However, my mum passed away a few weeks back and things sort of calmed down and it looked like there might be a glimmer of hope. To be fair my wife was fairly supportive through the last few weeks. But there are two incidents over the last week that have really gotten to me and I'd like to get an independent opinion on them.

Last Sunday was Mothers Day. I'd arranged stuff from the kids to give her (flowers and some other bits) and arranged lunch. On the morning, I was feeling quite down because I was thinking a lot about my mum. I wasn't in hysterics or moaning. I was just quiet. She came up to my room and said "Will you cheer up for lunch. Can you not just suck it up."

The second one was today. My young daughter wakes and wants one of us to play with her. She goes to my wife's room and asked her and I heard my wife say "Go and ask daddy and tell him you haven't seen him all week." My daughter came into my room and said exactly that which was really upsetting.

For the record, my daughter had seen a lot of me over the last week - more or less the same as she usually does.

Am I being sensitive by getting upset by these incidents?

Locker10a

What she said to your daughter was nothing short of nasty and divisive.
Shame on her for twisting her daughters mind against you in such a way

Ursus Horribilis

No you're not being sensitive but I think you should take them as warning signs of what's to come. I wouldn't read anything into how your wife behaved around the time of your mother's death (sorry for your loss, by the way). That was a one-off and by the sounds of things, she's reverting to type. I assume that since she sent you a legal bill, she has already got herself a solicitor? Have you sought legal advice yourself? Do you know if she's open to trying to save the marriage or is it only going one way?

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

No you're not being sensitive but I think you should take them as warning signs of what's to come. I wouldn't read anything into how your wife behaved around the time of your mother's death (sorry for your loss, by the way). That was a one-off and by the sounds of things, she's reverting to type. I assume that since she sent you a legal bill, she has already got herself a solicitor? Have you sought legal advice yourself? Do you know if she's open to trying to save the marriage or is it only going one way?

Thanks.

I've already sought legal advice and have a barrister responding to the charges in the civil bill (a lot of which are untrue or extreme exaggerations of the truth. Some of what was included was plain nasty).

In terms of saving the marriage, I had made several attempts before the civil bill was sent and she had no interest. What came in the civil bill knocked the stuffing out of me and I was out at that point. However, the few weeks around when my mum passed had me thinking that maybe it was fixable. But the above incidents, and one other, over the last week have me thinking there is no way back.

Locker10a

Lookingforadvice wrote: »

Thanks.

I've already sought legal advice and have a barrister responding to the charges in the civil bill (a lot of which are untrue or extreme exaggerations of the truth. Some of what was included was plain nasty).

In terms of saving the marriage, I had made several attempts before the civil bill was sent and she had no interest. What came in the civil bill knocked the stuffing out of me and I was out at that point. However, the few weeks around when my mum passed had me thinking that maybe it was fixable. But the above incidents, and one other, over the last week have me thinking there is no way back.

If she’s making comments like that to your chrildren and telling lies about you to secure a legal separation I’m sorry to say but she hates you. I’d run for the hills. Get into your barrister and get every sorted out legally and get separated.
You will feel hurt after but you’ll get over it but you need to get out now

Arrival

"My young daughter wakes and wants one of us to play with her. She goes to my wife's room and asked her and I heard my wife say "Go and ask daddy and tell him you haven't seen him all week."

This woman is vile, you'd be doing well to be rid of her