Desperate

Cooper89

I suffer from mental health difficulties. I was abused as a young child and it has affected me for years. Two years ago i did a masters and secured my dream job.

My whole life lifted and it gave me purpose. However i had a major break down just before christmas and had to resign from my job.

I have worked for 15 years. But i now feel that i will never be able to face a workplace again. I know many people with depression work and i take my hats off to them. I really do because it takes so much of yourself to even get out of bed in the morning.

I dont sleep, well very little. Im on 7 tablets a day just to keep my mood stablisied. I feel helpless and at 30 years of age, i feel less of a man that i cannot be normal like most people my age.

I am back living at home. And its torture. I have no space to myself and my parents who have been very good to put up with my mood swings have reached their limit. I know i am a burden on them being here. They dont say it directly. But i know.

I know that I need to go or either I or my parents will end up dead with stress. I have very little friends or family and they would not have any room.

I am on social housing but only for 2 years. To boot i have 3 small dogs (who are the only bit of life i have). It would be the end of me to end up in a homeless shelter or hostel etc. I really see myself being on the streets very soon and the concept of that scares me.

Im really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Can anyone give me advice? Im desperate.

Augme

Are you in counselling currently? There is obviously a lot going on and it's going to be very difficult road. have you sat down yourself and thought put any thought into mapping out your life, or at least the next dew years and given any thought to how you would like your life to progress from here?

Xterminator

Hi Op

It is very true that social housing in Ireland is broken. I think it is because so many in society are ambivalent about it, and our elected officials mirror this attitude. But your post is about more than just i need my own place/space. I think that when you are not happy with your life, you do need to be proactive, and try to recognise what you can change and make a plan to do so.

Your breakdown didnt take away your masters degree. That achievement is yours, and the doors that can open are significant. Well done! When your feeling low, be kind to yourself and remember you have show that you can reach your goals.

Cant face the workplace right now? fine. Can you start your own business ? Change to a related field with a less stressful routine, or look at teaching or coaching ? Can you volunteer somewhere to put your spare time to good use? you could look at doing few hours in a charity shop, spending time with old people, work at an animal shelter.

You don't want to be taking tablets forever. completely understandable. but whats the plan? Have you chatted with your GP about this? Is there therapy planned, etc?

Im not sure why you are brooding over ending up homeless. Nothing in your post indicates this is likely. As a parent you never stop thinking about your children. not when they turn 18, or 21. not when they move out. your not a burden, and any concern your parents fell is for your wellbeing. and when things get better they will be delighted!

Zorya

You are not a burden on your parents. Parents get cranky and ratty and say mean things just like any other human being. But they love you more than they love themselves. Truly. Stay where you are until you feel better, with your parents. Let go that part of the stress. And mind your little doggies.

Graces7

Cooper89 wrote: »

I suffer from mental health difficulties. I was abused as a young child and it has affected me for years. Two years ago i did a masters and secured my dream job.

My whole life lifted and it gave me purpose. However i had a major break down just before christmas and had to resign from my job.

I have worked for 15 years. But i now feel that i will never be able to face a workplace again. I know many people with depression work and i take my hats off to them. I really do because it takes so much of yourself to even get out of bed in the morning.

I dont sleep, well very little. Im on 7 tablets a day just to keep my mood stablisied. I feel helpless and at 30 years of age, i feel less of a man that i cannot be normal like most people my age.

I am back living at home. And its torture. I have no space to myself and my parents who have been very good to put up with my mood swings have reached their limit. I know i am a burden on them being here. They dont say it directly. But i know.

I know that I need to go or either I or my parents will end up dead with stress. I have very little friends or family and they would not have any room.

I am on social housing but only for 2 years. To boot i have 3 small dogs (who are the only bit of life i have). It would be the end of me to end up in a homeless shelter or hostel etc. I really see myself being on the streets very soon and the concept of that scares me.

Im really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Can anyone give me advice? Im desperate.

OP, please stop assessing yourself against those who are not ill? You ARE ill and that alters everything.

Glad you have dogs!

Someone mentioned voluntary work? Great idea. That worked for me when I was in a similar situation and now when i am housebound i knit to raise funds. Anything that keeps/takes the mind away from self and in the house will help

Understand totally the fears re being homeless... there is a thread on Accommodation and Property re Housing association support for someone in much the same situation as yourself. Have a look there? They give emails etc cluid especially.

But try to get out of the house more? Can you read? I mean enjoyably...

Rubberchikken

with good counselling and support you could come out the other side of this. are you seeing a profesdional? what youve experienced has to have had a tremendously negative effect on you and needs dealing with.

it may be tough at times being at home with your parents but you're lucky to have them and im willing yo bet they just want you to be well and happy again. its what most parents want for their child regardless of age.

look after your dogs and they in turn will help you. gey fresh air and exercise when you can and get goid support so you can carry on with your life.
good luck

Farfromhome02

Suffer with depression and anxiety myself mate
I am a man also
Just remember life isn't all about careers and money
Also at home with the parents and feel the same as yourself
Just enjoying the simple things and been in the moment is a big thing

I also have dogs and adore them,they keep me going when I'm not feeling the best.You end up meeting people with dogs and chatting,makes you feel better

Like said,get out and about and try keep your mind busy,things will get better

Best of luck,just remember your not alone

TimesArrow

I am terribly sorry you are going through this OP and I can relate to some of the issues you are going through.. It’s difficult to know what to say, just know you don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to your GP, seek counseling and at the very least, it may help in getting yourself better. Don’t think of yourself as a burden to your parents, i would imagine your health and well being is their primary concern. What happened to you is horrendous and should happen to no one, but it doesn’t define you as a person or affect the intrinsic value you have as a human being. Focusing and trying to build your own sense of self worth and self esteem could go a long way to healing yourself- and I say this is as a person actively trying to do this same thing in a daily basis- you’re 30 years old, a smart person with a Masters, your life is ahead of you. Right now, I would say take as much time as you need to try recover, Show self compassion, look after your dogs, spend time with friends, talk to trusted friends about things. I wish you well.