Does he want to break up all signs are yes

LegacyUser

I'm with my partner 1.5 years. He is a separated dad with 10 year old child. When we met I was out of work on stress leave . During this time I was available to him 24/7. I have returned to work which is quiet stressful so I know I'm not the same person as I was when I met him. I met his child after 8 months and we have a great relationship. In the past few months I have felt him distancing himself from me, no affection, no sex, stays up when I go to bed and drinks beer. He has started a new job in last few months and still going through solicitor in regards to Legal matters. He is an introvert and does not want to get to know my family and friends. His family do not live here and he has little or no friends here. My family and friends live here and I am close to them.

He asked me did I want to break up with him, I said no. He said he feels lots of pressure from me . I'm a fantastic person and great his child etc. We definitely do not spend time just for us. We do not live together but stay over in each other's houses. All the signs he is giving me he that he wants us to break up. I love him and his child and honestly don't know what to do

miamee

It sounds like something has definitely gone wrong here if there is no affection, intimacy and it seems no effort on his part to get to know your family and friends. Is this a temporary thing do you think or has he never shown any interest in your friends and family? It may be that he enjoyed having you all to himself while you were off work but now that your timie is divided, he feels neglected. That's not right but it might be how he feels. Have you tried to talk to him about this? If he's not interested in working on your relationship, building a life together and this is the new 'normal', I'd certainly be thinking about ending things.

wiggle16

Sounds like he's checked out of the relationship and might be waiting for you to make the first move to end it. I'm sorry OP.

I think you need to just meet up with him and be honest about how you feel and ask him what he wants. I know you're afraid of the answer, but it's better to know where you stand than fret about it like I'm sure you've been doing.

I'm sorry it's worked out like this but it does sound like he's checking out and is hoping you'll make the first move, because he doesn't want to.

Sorry OP. Mind yourself x

Calypso Realm

Owl47 wrote: »

. He has started a new job in last few months and still going through solicitor in regards to Legal matters.

Not necessarily. Although you haven't elaborated on this situation,nonetheless it sounds fairly serious, his recent 'withdrawal' could just as easily be as a direct result of the above. In fact, in my book chances are it most probably IS the reason, or at least a major component of it. Some guys in my experience tend to distance themselves in order to sort things out as opposed to us ladies, who tend to confide in all and sundry! Has he told you much about it?

On the other hand, you need to explore what he means by you're putting lots of pressure on him! How is this? IF he means on top of all the issues with the job situation he has to deal with, I'd back off completely; refrain from asking any questions about your relationship etc, for the moment, if this is the case. The last thing he needs right now is someone barraging him with a load of questions about you two, the answers to which he may not even have, himself, his focus being elsewhere! At least, this is what I would do! Good luck!

LegacyUser

Well my gut was right, I told him we needed to talk tonight . He said he was distant because he wanted it to come from me. It's not you its me etc etc. He didn't stay long so I'm still coming to terms with it all, through my tears.

Flixer

I'm sorry this is happening to you...I'm in the middle of a breakup too and it does really suck. I think it sounds like he was taking the easy way out...not very brave eh? and sure as hell not fair. Big Hug to you

LegacyUser

Thanks for comments, I could not cope with work today but will go back tomorrow. I have cleared out his clothes from my house and dropped back to his along with keys. I have asked him to let me know when he is taking tools from shed as I'd rather not be here. Am I right in doing this or should I meet him?

He has rang to say he is sorry for causing me upset but we don't have a future together. Things were not the same once I returned to work he said. He told his daughter last night that we are no longer together so now I have lost both of them.

My heart is broken , how do I cope and get over this break up?

Red Lightning

Owl 47 wrote:

My heart is broken , how do I cope and get over this break up?

It isn't what you want to hear but time will heal you. It's so sweet that you cared for his daughter so much too.
What you should do now is allow yourself time to heal. What I suggest is meet up with family and friends plenty. Start doing things you enjoy. Take on a new hobby that you've always wanted to do that ya always put off. When the time is right, get back out there and get dating again. You're gonna meet someone who will make you realise that ya never knew ya could love like this.

LegacyUser

Thank you for taking the time to respond . I made it through my day of work , guess day by day.

LegacyUser

I thought I posted yesterday but I do not see it. I'm really struggling to cope with this break up. He has gone back online dating more or less straight away. We passed each other on the road this morning and I have been upset at work. Will this feeling stop, it is only 2 weeks however I suffer from anxiety and had a previous depressive episodes , I am already on medication but should I go to see my psychiatrist again. I'm all confused

Ursus Horribilis

I don't think anybody here can really advise you on that. We're not medical people. But given the background you've just outlined, maybe you need to seek help. You know yourself and your cues better than we do. Maybe you could split the difference and talk to your GP first?

PHG

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear a out your break up. If you feel you need to talk to your psychiatrist then do as it may help. I sought help with mine and I believe it helped a lot.

Break ups are tough, really bloody tough and time is a great healer. Im over 3 months in and still get really rough times but they are getting better and spaced out now. It took me a month before I could work properly again too! Try not to beat yourself up, it is ok to be upset and you will move on in time. It doesn't seem like that now but you will!

I would strongle advise staying away from alcohol as the hangover can make it worse. I have been out a lot to socialise with work and making new friends but sometimes the next day is an emotional nightmare, but getting better.

Unfortunately, he has moved on and I know its tough but try not to look at any of his social media or see of he is online on whatsapp. Once you get to day 3 or 4 it becomes a lot easier! Take it day by day, sometimes even hour by hour and you will get through this. Remember that you cannot know what he is thinking either or him you. It is very easy to try and put yourself into their mindset , or try to, and its a mind melt!!

You need to keep social and force yourself to keep busy. Time will get you there.

Best of luck!