Ageism in work

I’m 29 but have been told I look much younger, closer to 21. As a result I find it hard to be taken seriously in work.

On one occasion when I first started in the role a colleague asked my age and said “ah sure you’re only a baby..” I found this incredibly condescending and did not respond.

Today another colleague referred to me as a young one, specifically “God these young ones” when I asked a question which I apparently should’ve known the answer to.

This really bothered me. When I said wow excuse me?! She laughed, and I wasn’t sure how to react on the spot so I laughed too and said ah come on, would you like it if I called you an aul one? However looking back I feel I should’ve taken a firmer stand instead of turning it into a joke.

People also talk about their children and say things to me like “it’s all ahead of you” - As if I’m a child myself.

I know it’s not the worst problem to have but it’s really affecting me, knowing that I am not being taken seriously in my workplace due to looking young. I have a lot of experience and I’m good at my job so it’s unfair to be judged like this.

I am just not sure at all how to respond to the comments and wondered if anyone had advice.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't know, OP. That's the kind of inane chat that goes on in pretty much every situation. I'm fairly confident I don't work in the same office as you, but those lines are exactly what I have heard, personally and overheard to other in my time working.

The "it's all ahead of you" line doesn't mean that you're a child. If means dealing with children (if/when you have them) is all ahead of you. Because you either don't have children yet, or your children aren't at the stage their children are.

The chat means nothing. The fact that those exact words are used in every office in the country prove that. The people who say it really aren't putting as much thought into your age as you think. Be thankful you're youthful looking. (I used to be ). Get on with your job and prove yourself competent. I understand you're bothered by people commenting on your age, but it is not meant in the way you're taking it up.

I'm 41... I had a colleague in her 50s refer to me and a few other similar aged colleagues as "you young ones" the other day!

Edit: I work in an office with 4 people, 3 of us are early 40s. The other day one turned 34, and they were told they were "only a baby"... Meant in the sense that "My God, we're aul wans compared to you", not in the sense of "you're infantile". (It was obviously, a very witty and original remark to make )

Batgurl

It’s not ageism OP; it’s just you not liking your colleagues.

My colleagues like crap reality TV. They keep telling me I’m missing out because I don’t watch it and asking me what’s wrong with me that I don’t like Dancing with the Stars or X Factor or the like.

I don’t call them elitist or ostracising even though they frequently have conversations about their shows without including me and make reference to the fact I don’t watch them.

I accept we are just very different people and get on with doing my job. Not everyone has to like you.

gwalk

best way to see it is to take it as a compliment

and not to be so offended

zoobizoo

That is normal office chat.


"You're only a baby" means "you're a lot younger than me".

"it's all ahead of you" means "at some stage you'll know what it's like to have your freedom destroyed and your sleep interrupted"


It's not ageism.

Ursus Horribilis

Sorry OP but when I read your post, all I could think was (a) where's the problem (b) she's very thin skinned and (c) she's a bit up herself, isn't she?

What you're describing here is perfectly normal workplace banter. Where you're getting this notions about your colleagues is beyond me. Don't forget that at one stage, all of them were the "young one" in their workplaces so they know what it's like. You seem to be looking for reasons to dislike them and to be offended.

wiggle16

There's 16 people in my section in work and I am the by far the youngest, there's ten years between myself and the next youngest person. Most of the others are 25-30 years older than me. They all have kids my age.

As you can imagine, I get stuff like this all the time - but it's just inane banter. It doesn't mean anything. In the same way that it doesn't mean anything when I call them senile. It's just playful slagging.

I know that they take me seriously as a colleague, to be honest they'll often ask me to step in on difficult stuff because they know I can do it. My age has nothing to do with it.

With respect, I think you're the one who is projecting a value onto other people based on their age. If they were taking work away from you and telling you you were too young for it or something, if it was interfering with your work, that's one thing. What you have described is not.... even a thing.

Sorry but I think you need to to calm down a bit. Calling this ageism is way OTT. I think you need to take a step back and see that this is probably more to do with insecurity on your part than the way your colleagues perceive you. It sounds like you have a low tolerance for stuff like this. I'm sorry but you need to develop a thicker skin.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

The comments themselves seem fine, very very standard workplace chitchat. I understand how of it's something you're very conscious of it would come across as pointed and more meaningful than it is but I think you're overreacting.

Are there other people roughly your age in your workplace and can you honestly say they don't get similar comments?

I think it would be a very bad idea and much more detrimental to how you're viewed as a professional to take any firm stance on this, it'd be akin to someone in the office suddenly announcing that they don't want anyone talking to them about eastenders or the weather because it's a clear dig at them and their competence.

If you really feel this is a significant barrier to your career then you could try dressing older, different haircut etc.

How are your interpersonal relationships in general at work? There are many reasons why someone with qualifications and experience might not advance in their career, and for someone who works with other people personability is going to be a factor.

People are probably being unconstructively harsh in the responses here but this issue as described by you does give an impression of you as someone who's a bit precious and prickly. IMO " ah come on how would you feel if I called you an auld one?" isn't making a joke of a situation to diffuse it, its reacting very awkwardly to a totally innocuous comment. Short of taking up chain smoking and sunbeds there isn't much you can do to properly look older but you can adjust your attitude in work.

punisher5112

God is love to get comments like that other then grow some hair or have you been using the shino ballo machine again.....

Ursus Horribilis

I meant to add that I used to work with a woman who could have written the manual when it comes to snide comments disguised as "humour". I think I have an ear that's fairly attuned to what is and isn't banter at this stage. I'm also working long enough, alongside people of all ages, to have a good handle on what is and isn't standard work chatter. Jokes about generation gaps/young ones/auld ones/it's all ahead of you/it's long behind you are pretty common in my experience. There is no malice or deep meaning behind it.

Your age or youthful looks (treasure them, by the way!) aren't what will cause you problems in your career. Your interactions with colleagues could though. If you gain a reputation for being aloof or prickly it could work against you.

You looked for advice about how to deal with it. Mine is - join in with the banter. Crack some good-natured jokes if the comments fly your way again. And by the way, I don't consider your response to response to your colleague to be humorous. Maybe it's one of those "You had to be there" situations.

Poochie05

Sounds as if maybe you’re sensing an issue that isn’t there OP. This is normal everyday chat in the workplace, in fact we were just discussing this the other day over coffee with a girl who has just started and laughing with her that she wasn’t born when we were in college! It's just the kind of thing people talk about. We can all be a bit sensitive, I've even felt a bit annoyed myself when someone in their 50s lumps me in to their 'we old ones' story when I am a few years behind them. But it's how we react and interact with our colleagues that determines what they think of us.
Did you really say 'Excuse me, wow'? That if anything would probably make your coleeagues view you as prickly and sensitive. But that kind of talk is normal in most workplaces so you probably just need to accept the comments for what they are, general chat.

Big Bag of Chips

I agree Poochie, it's all relative. As I said previously, at 41 I was grouped with the 'you young wans' by a colleague in her 50s. At the same time if someone in their 20s was there the same colleague would align me with her age group and the people in their 20s would be 'the young wans'.

Fact is OP, at 29, in the working world where people retire at 65 you are a young one! And you probably are significantly younger than colleagues who have been in the company years. Nobody, from what you have said, has made any reference to your age with regards to your work. So there is nothing to suggest "ageism in work".

The fact that you have never come across these type of comments before shows that you are young enough to not really have had people of different age groups in your social/professional circle before this. This is normal chit chat. Give yourself 5 years and you'll be referring to your younger colleagues as 'you young ones'.

TimeToShine

This is quintessential Irish office chit chat, you can either take that or go for an American approach where everything is lumped on your desk because your youth grants you so much energy.

Corkgirl18

I work in a staff of about 70 where about 40% of them are at least double my age. I hear a few comments similar to the ones you've mentioned every week!

I take no notice. Try not to let it bother you. I don't see negative connotations associated with the comments.

Paddy Cow

I'm late 30's and still get called "good girl" by older people :pac: It doesn't bother me because I know they mean no harm by it and to them, I am a "girl". To a younger person though, I'm probably an ould wan. It's all relative

Hal3000

When I looked young I hated it too. Don't worry, you'll soon get to the middle ground where you don't look that young and you don't look that old either. People take you seriously and then again they don't really !! I call it 35, and you can get away with all kinds of stuff... It's coming so sit tight.

KaneToad

You're mixing up ageism with inexperience. You are less experienced in the workplace than your older colleagues and they are treating you accordingly. You may very well be as intelligent and capable as someone many years older than you. You are not as experienced though. It's only when you gain experience that you realise the importance of it. Ironic, innit.

lulu1

I'm in the over 50 bracket and still get called pet by my antique friends as I call them