Long term relationships: truly happy or just getting on with it?

Do you think it’s possible to be completely happy in a long term relationship, or does that all eventually fizzle out and people end up staying together and just getting on with it due to fear of being alone, having children together, etc?

A friend and I were discussing this recently and were both of the opinion that many people in long term relationships are unhappy. However we also noted we came from families with unhappy parents who eventually broke up, so our experiences have obviously been coloured by that...

Personally I’ve had two long term relationships and both ended unhappily due to the passion eventually fizzing out, and really feeling more like friends.

Anyway, I digress.

I’d really like to hear people’s thoughts on this?

suicide_circus

it's a long game. Giving up because you had a bad year is poor effort. Steel gets stronger when you temper it in fire.

Richard Hillman

3 factors, I reckon.

Even though you're probably not getting on too well and the excitement is gone, you just cannot bare the thought of your partner being with somebody else.

Then there is the fear of being alone, which hits hard when you reach or get near your 30s.

Another factor is if you're living together. If you leave the person, who gets the accommodation? Where does the other person go. It's a tough gig at the moment. I reckon reckon there a lot of couples out there at the moment that are renting together but really don't want to be with each other, as there is a real prospect of ending up on the street. Very tough for for foreign nationals who cannot just move back in with mammy and daddy for a few weeks.

OneArt

Most people's expectations of long-term relationships are completely messed up and unrealistic.

The original "passion" and "spark" isn't what it's about. That's great at the start and it's good to keep up an element of it throughout (if that's what you need). However, if you're gunning for the long term, you need to find someone who you also like as a person - independent of sex and romance. For some people, those aspects aren't as important as they would be for others. Some need a certain level of it all the time, others only need the bare minimum and are happy with companionship being the main goal.

So I wouldn't completely agree. I don't think most people in long-term relationships are unhappy or "settling". I think they've learned to appreciate aspects of relationships that go beyond the typical, Hollywood ideal of what's "perfect". Support, friendship, etc.

That being said, there are definitely lots of people in LTRs who're not so content anymore because specific needs aren't being filled. I just don't think it's as many as OP is suggesting. Even those who are happier who end up getting divorced are probably doing it because they know it's run it's course. I know lots of people who are still good friends with their exes, but knew that they both needed a change.

I think a lot of the resentment in LTRs comes from people not being sexually or romantically interested anymore and realising that they don't actually like the person they're with.

Widdershins

If you have a good foundation and build on that , yes.

Some people don't heed the meaning of marriage vows, ''for better or worse, in sickness and health '' etc. People expect life to be all roses.

My favourite person married his wife 26 years ago and they still love each other just as much . His parents have just received a letter from the queen either regarding their big birthdays or their very long marriage (obviously they are English ) .

I do think the relationship model you saw most as a child has an influence on how you approach this.

Church on Tuesday

Relationships are hard work and it requires A LOT of effort from both parties.

When the honey moon period ends, that's when you see what the relationship is really all about.

It's the little things that keep it going IMO. There are any amount of outside things that can destroy a relationship also and of these one has to be very wary.

It all depends on what you can allow or put up with; spending a lot of time with another human being isn't always easy and there has to be give and take along the way.