Housemate's pregnant girlfriend always around

TheBoyConor

Hi,

I am living in a house share with three others. We are 2M2F 20s/30s. We all get along pretty good.
One of the male housemates got a girlfriend a while back which was grand until she started to be over in the house more and more as time went on. Now she is a nice enough girl to be fair and even though I would say she now stays over most nights of the week, she tends to stay in his room but keeps a very low profile, eg he would be gone to work/shops but you might hear footsteps upstairs, a cough, or the en-suite flushing. Even though we rarely see her we often know or can sense that she is upstairs laying low in the room. It is a fairly big house too, so that helps her keep a low profile and out of sight. Because of this we didn't say anything and figured it was less hassle to just turn a blind eye to keep the peace.

Then it turned out that she has a toddler as it would be over in the house sometimes but kept in the room. You might hear it cooing or pattering about. It was only occasional so I figured I'd say nothing, again to keep the peace.

Now the greater complication is that, of course, she is now pregnant with another baby. There has been "talk" from him recently on several occasions of looking at houses to rent/buy for them but it just seems to be talk as nothing concrete ever seems to come from it.

I believe that the baby is due fairly soon now. I don't know what their plan is for this but if this "house talk" doesn't come to anything I'm wondering will she still be here 4/5 nights a week with a new born baby?
As if the 4/5 nights a week stay overs wasn't pushing things a bit, I think for them/her to be having a new born baby over 4/5 nights in a house share would be absolutely taking the piss altogether!

A house share with working professionals is no place for a new born baby to say the least. Tbh, my opinion on this is that if they think they can have a new born baby over in the house most or any nights of the week then they (or she at least) can fúck right off!! I think it is just unacceptable and very inconsiderate when you consider the likely crying, noise, nappies in the bin, disturbance from night feeds etc. It is just not on at this stage and I feel something needs to be said or a shot fired over the bow to let them know that they (or she) will have to get their shít organised elsewhere before this baby arrives.

Thoughts? How do you think I should approach this situation?

JustMe,K

You know the baby is his too? I'd lose the attitude in your last paragraph for a start because that won't help the situation, he is presumably paying his rent so if he wants his screaming baby there 24/7, the baby will be there.

You will need to have a fairly straight up conversation with him about it - all of the housemates together asking what his plans are, outline your concerns re gf staying over so much, and the baby etc. Its not really (imo) acceptable for a house sharer to leave a guest there when they are out to work etc. Also, does she contribute to the bills?

Do you have a list of house rules?

lainey_d_123

kcdiom wrote: »

You know the baby is his too? I'd lose the attitude in your last paragraph for a start because that won't help the situation, he is presumably paying his rent so if he wants his screaming baby there 24/7, the baby will be there.

You will need to have a fairly straight up conversation with him about it - all of the housemates together asking what his plans are, outline your concerns re gf staying over so much, and the baby etc. Its not really (imo) acceptable for a house sharer to leave a guest there when they are out to work etc. Also, does she contribute to the bills?

Do you have a list of house rules?

What planet are you on? Paying rent doesn't entitle you to move in whoever you want, baby or not. Paying rent doesn't mean you get to ignore other people's peace and quiet and wellbeing.

judeboy101

Are you renting separately or as a group. If separate tell landlord that there are now 6, soon to be 7 ppl living in the house.

JustMe,K

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

What planet are you on? Paying rent doesn't entitle you to move in whoever you want, baby or not. Paying rent doesn't mean you get to ignore other people's peace and quiet and wellbeing.

It absolutely doesn't, but what do you expect to happen to the baby if the gf wasn't around?! I did not suggest it was ok, simply that it could happen.

Amirani

kcdiom wrote: »

It absolutely doesn't, but what do you expect to happen to the baby if the gf wasn't around?! I did not suggest it was ok, simply that it could happen.

I'd expect the roommate to move out in such a scenario. Either prompted by the landlord or of their own accord.

If you're renting a 4 bedroom place under the agreement that there's 4 people in the place, then somebody can't just move in someone else, regardless of whether it's their baby.

JustMe,K

Amirani wrote: »

I'd expect the roommate to move out in such a scenario. Either prompted by the landlord or of their own accord.

If you're renting a 4 bedroom place under the agreement that there's 4 people in the place, then somebody can't just move in someone else, regardless of whether it's their baby.

As would I - it doesn't mean it will happen though. Which is why I asked about house rules as I find it difficult to envisage 4 adults living together with no agreements as to what is and is not acceptable, and thats where I would expect to see agreements about overnight guests.

topmanamillion

Does she have a place of her own? Where does she go the 2 or 3 nights per week that she's not there? Is she living at home? Is her moving back home the plan? Is there a plan?

It doesn't sound like you're convinced of his talk of getting a place for them.

I'd pre-empt it. You don't want to come home some evening and they're moving a crib into his room.

He hasn't shown an ability to make good decisions and plan by getting a woman pregnant and sitting on his hands for the proceeding 9 months, there's no reason to belive that's going to change now.

Have a chat with him. Keep it cordial and polite but at the same time shoot down any thoughts he may have of moving a new born in right out of his head. I think you've let a lot slide with her and her toddler being over. He's just going to keep pushing it if you all stay quiet.

SusieBlue

Yeah its unreasonable for him to expect the housemates to tolerate a newborn baby as well as a toddler being around for the majority of the week.
Plus the 4 of them in one room sounds very overcrowded, unless its a huge room.

The newborn stage is stressful and exhausting enough, its hard for new parents & they are in the love bubble & actually want the child. Imagine how it would feel living with someone else's newborn? Going to work with no sleep because the housemates baby was up all night crying with colic?


I say this as someone who absolutely adores kids. Its selfish and unreasonable of him to expect to move his baby in, on top of the gf & toddler spending an excessive amount of time in the house.

PawneeRanger

Maybe try actually speaking to him about it?

It's not unreasonable to ask him out straight what the plan is because, if he is moving, you'll need to know so you can make sure there's no shortfall in the rent.

I would advise a sit-down with all 4 of you.
You're jumping the gun until you actually talk to him.

TheBoyConor

We are 4 people renting rooms separately from the landlord. We don't have any formal house rules or anything as we are all mature enough to pull our weight, be reasonable. Or so I thought until this situation seems to have developed over time.

The girlfriend, I don't know where she goes on the other nights. She is from not too far away so I assume she goes home but I really don't know. I have only spoken to her a handful of times in passing. She keeps an extremely low profile while in the house. You just hear her mooching about from time to time. As I said, her presence is often given away by something as small and subtle as a faint sneeze or a creak of a floor board or the en suite flushing in that room when the house is quiet and you'd know that none of the other 3 official housemates are home.

There is no contribution to rent or bills from her. Bills are still split 4 ways. Since she was keeping such a low profile we didn't say anything. tbh, anyone who would come to the house wouldn't even realise she is there when she is. But the rest of us know or can sense it if you get me.

The toddler is only around the odd time. Hasn't been in a few weeks now. I really have no idea where the toddler is the rest of the time. Grandmother's? Baby daddy? I've no clue.

I just feel that a houseshare with working professionals who have to get decent sleep and who may have a friend over evenings at the weekend for a few drinks is not an appropriate place for a newborn baby. Then the whole night feeds

I feel that she at least needs to go before this baby arrives. Whether or not he stays or goes doesn't really make a difference as he is an official tenant but she and her toddler and baby really have no place here.

PeterGriffen77

I'm going to be honest here ,

You need to have a chat with your roommate first and his girlfriend. Just be straight up with them and tell them how you feel.

If that doesn't work tell your landlord. If your house is for working professionals you cant have a baby/ family living there .

Hope everything works out . Seems like a tricky situations.

P

iamwhoiam

A newborn spreads itself everywhere . Bottles , steriliser , buggy., baby bath ,etc
No way will it contain itself in one room . Its not a good environment for a toddler or a newborn to be confined like that

Spanish Eyes

I think you need to have a house meeting with all four of you. No point in taking this on by yourself.

I would hate this kind of stealth move and you are right IMV, a professional house share is no place to have a couple, a toddler and a newborn in one room sharing with the remaining three of you.

What have the other sharers said about this.

Larbre34

Utterly unacceptable. Ignore the woman, this is entirely on the housemate.

Set a meeting with all of the housemates, mark his card firmly and say you are not paying to live in some pseudo-family setting, that you all have decided you are no longer willing to tolerate the presence of a random child in your equally shared adult household, let alone a newborn soon. If he doesn't make arrangements in 7 days, then the landlord will be brought in to sort it.

I mean where does this woman live the rest of the time? A houseshare of her own? At her parents? If so, then let them all go and live with them, if they have been jointly irresponsible enough to get pregnant with no supportive structure, then really its their dilemma to deal with.

Former Observer

Didn't read (too long) but is she hawt?

TheBoyConor

Former Observer wrote: »

Didn't read (too long) but is she hawt?

She's stuffed. How could she be?

Anyway, the other housemates haven't said anything.
They don't want any hassle or conflict and what's more the guy would be a bit of a tough sort of guy. The sort that you'd never get the better of in an argument. Triple wide and always thinks he's right.

Call me Al

I think you're being a bit OTT in your expression and reaction, but you're right in the sense that a house share isn't the right environment for a new born baby.
You are all (as the 4 tenants) going to have to address this directly. If only because you need to know when you need to advertise his room. But he isn't being reasonable if hes expecting you to put up with this new family set-up.

lainey_d_123

TheBoyConor wrote: »

She's stuffed. How could she be?

Anyway, the other housemates haven't said anything.
They don't want any hassle or conflict and what's more the guy would be a bit of a tough sort of guy. The sort that you'd never get the better of in an argument. Triple wide and always thinks he's right.

Stuffed?

Disgusting attitude tbh.

Graham

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