How to handle awkward work situation?

bitofabind

Hi guys, would love some insights into where to go from here!

Let me preface by saying I am totally aware of how ridiculous my drunken behaviour was here, it's not the done thing for me at all and not something I will be repeating, I'm not a drinker at all which is half the problem, so sufficed to say I don't need advice on that front.

We had a work drinks thing last week that ended up being a later and boozier night than any of us expected. At the end it was just me and "Dave", alone together from around 11.30pm until I got home via my uber taxi at 3am. So it seems I spent a lot of time with this guy, who's in a more senior position than me, about ten years older, always got on but never spent any amount of time together before.

My problem is I have almost no memory of events after 11pm, such was the depths of the drinking and my absolutely terrible tolerance to alcohol, except for snippets of our night together. Us talking together on the street, us in some kind of bar together, in a fast food place and then in a taxi going to our separate homes. And full disclosure, I definitely fancy the guy, can remember intimate conversations about his divorce, my breakup, things like that but nothing untoward. Given my attraction and totally intoxicated state, I'd be surprised if I didn't make any kind of move towards him but I definitely don't remember that happening (not that that means a thing!)

The next day I learned that earlier in the night when the whole team was there, I accidentally knocked "Dave's" phone out of his hand and the back of it totally smashed, he got annoyed and stormed off, I chased him up the street and that's how we ended up alone together for several hours. That's all the information I have though.

I messaged him the day after apologising for that, saying I'd cover any repair cost, he thanked me and that was about it.

Which leaves me where I am now, confused and unsure as to how I proceed here! Do I just make a joke of the night, do I let him know I don't remember very much of anything that we did in those proceeding hours (which he almost certainly will - he's about twice my size and a far more seasoned drinker...)

A mutual colleague thinks he fancies me and I've seen signs of attraction in him before, checking me out quite blatantly, but he's also a pretty intense guy and does tend to flirt almost as a a personality trait so not sure how meaningful that is...

Thoughts??

Augme

Just do nothing would be my advice. I dont see the need to mention you blacked out or anything like that. Chances are his memory will be a bit hazy well.

ginandtonicsky

Yeah I’d keep it to yourself. Maybe follow up on the phone and see if he uses that as a way to talk to you more. I’m sure if you’d actually hooked up with him you’d remember! So it was probably just drunken shyte talk anyway. We’ve all been there

bitofabind

Thanks guys, judging by today it looks like he's planning on giving me the hard swerve anyway, so the problem will resolve itself!

We work in the same office but he spent most of the day working from various meeting rooms around the building, didn't even know he was in until our team meeting later in the day and he couldn't even make eye contact.

So I'm partly like "phew" but also partly filled with fear for what I did / said to him whilst totally knackered drunk. Really worried I hit on him or worse, had some kind of emotional meltdown...

But I guess I'll never know :eek:

helimachoptor

bitofabind wrote: »

Thanks guys, judging by today it looks like he's planning on giving me the hard swerve anyway, so the problem will resolve itself!

We work in the same office but he spent most of the day working from various meeting rooms around the building, didn't even know he was in until our team meeting later in the day and he couldn't even make eye contact.

So I'm partly like "phew" but also partly filled with fear for what I did / said to him whilst totally knackered drunk. Really worried I hit on him or worse, had some kind of emotional meltdown...

But I guess I'll never know :eek:

you can always just ask him?

wirelessdude01

helimachoptor wrote:

you can always just ask him?

Exactly but that is far too obvious. If the OP actually wants to know they will ask otherwise......

bitofabind

helimachoptor wrote: »

you can always just ask him?

I don't think I can face it tbh. Maybe if we're out socially again together at some stage and the absolute FEAR has subsided. I'd be a bit afraid of what the answer is at this stage and also slightly morto that I have literally no memory of events after a relatively early stage of the night

tara73

as an advise, I think you need to be very careful with alcohol if you react in such an extreme way to it. Especially avoiding it completely when out with work colleagues. More incidents like this could ruin your whole career, not only in your current work place.
Ireland is a small place, when changing jobs bosses very often know each other and ask each other directly about potential job candidates...

B0jangles

bitofabind wrote: »

Thanks guys, judging by today it looks like he's planning on giving me the hard swerve anyway, so the problem will resolve itself!

We work in the same office but he spent most of the day working from various meeting rooms around the building, didn't even know he was in until our team meeting later in the day and he couldn't even make eye contact.

So I'm partly like "phew" but also partly filled with fear for what I did / said to him whilst totally knackered drunk. Really worried I hit on him or worse, had some kind of emotional meltdown...

But I guess I'll never know :eek:

It's always possible that he's as much afraid that he made a complete fool of himself as you are

Neyite

He's senior to you so he could also be bricking it that he's behaved inappropriately with a junior colleague in a way that might be seen by management as poor behaviour. Especially if you gave him an inkling that you fancy him on the night.



Say nothing. If the topic of the night out comes up again, you can ask or say something if you think it's appropriate but for now just put it in the past. It's not a big deal, we've nearly all had nights out where our colleagues haven't seen us at our best and usually get more careful at work social events as a result.

sbsquarepants

He stormed off because of a broken phone?

I'd just chalk it down to experience and set my sights on someone who's a bit less of a dick if I was you!

mfceiling

Quick email...

Hi Dave. Apologies about the other night. I was way drunker than I've been in years and have little to no recollection of the night. I'm aware I broke your phone so please let me know the cost and I'll fix you up straight away. Again apologies for my inability to think/act appropriately with drink taken. OP.

VW 1

Definitely no using of the work email to address a personal issue relating to a work colleague, these things can be monitored or checked, you can be sure of that.

zoe 3619

mfceiling wrote: »

Quick email...

Hi Dave. Apologies about the other night. I was way drunker than I've been in years and have little to no recollection of the night. I'm aware I broke your phone so please let me know the cost and I'll fix you up straight away. Again apologies for my inability to think/act appropriately with drink taken. OP.

Perfect.

SirChenjin

VW 1 wrote: »

Definitely no using of the work email to address a personal issue relating to a work colleague, these things can be monitored or checked, you can be sure of that.

Absolutely agree.
No way would I be putting anything in email, and certainly not work email.

OP, he might not be feeling great about what did or did not happen on the night. I would just let it be, if I were you.

Katgurl

Listen you're seeing it like you were plastered and he was sober. He was hanging out with you alone for at least three hours after 'storming off '. He probably didn't behave too well himself and it could all be hazy in his mind too. Work nights in mt experience are notorious for being messy.

I would do absolutely nothing for now and if it feels right maybe broach the subject casually sometime you're out socially.

B0jangles

Yeah, I'd think sending an email, especially via a work email system could be a huge mistake - you could be leaving yourself open to it being used against you if there's ever any dispute in the future, even about something completely unrelated.

tretorn

Dont mention being drunk because that brings in the issue of what happened and then the word consent comes up.

Dont ever drink to excess on work nights out again.

Simply adk how much the phone repair costs and give him the money and let that be the end of the matter. I think he has made it clear he doesnt what interaction with you.

bitofabind

Thanks for the advice guys. He hasn't been in the office the last few days and I know he's travelling next week so there's been no contact at all.

I think I'm going to offer him money for the phone repair like I said I would when he's back in, but I don't want to correspond with him via email or any of our internal channels about any of this as that's a risky game. I know he'd probably be annoyed by it.

This has been a wakeup call for me about how bad an idea it is to drink at all around work colleagues (I'm a total lightweight and even one drink will impact me) so I'm definitely going to be kicking that to the curb from now on. Colleague's total avoidance of me since last week has really freaked me out tbh and I feel like whatever position I put him in was unfair, even if we were both drunk.

s4uv3

Is there any possibility he has a new relationship or is seeing someone? That might also explain his avoidance of you?

Big Bag of Chips

Ah bitofabind, I understand your panic, but whatever happened it wasn't one sided. Chances are you just shyte talked for the night. Him as equal a participant as you. Yet you have it in your head that you somehow offended him and put him in an awkward position.

He's the one more senior. So he's the one who should be able to handle any awkward position with a junior member of staff more appropriately. I understand your fear, but I can absolutely 100% say with certainty whatever did go on is nowhere near as big as you have it built up in your head.

I would possibly send an email (if he is completely avoiding eye contact!) don't mention anything about being drunk or anything else. Just ask him to let you know how much you owe for his phone repair. This happened over a week ago. He's away next week. It's too long to leave without offering the money. At this stage, even though he's avoiding you, he might think you're ignoring the fact you owe him money.

I'm sure the phone has already been repaired and paid for at this stage.

You're not going to end up in trouble for sending "Hi Dave, let me know how much I owe you for the phone repair".

That's it, nothing more.

wiggle16

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

.
You're not going to end up in trouble for sending "Hi Dave, let me know how much I owe you for the phone repair".

That's it, nothing more.

Agree with the above. I think you're working this up in your own head into something it's not. At the end of the day you blacked out, so anything you think may have happened is just speculation.

Leave it and forget about it. Offer to pay for the phone and leave it at that.