Gambling problem

Newme2019

HI All,

My purpose my this is to have record online and i think this can help me check my progess over time . My story is one of gamling over last maybe 12 to 14 years became more of problem as time went on. from start in late 20's would done some normal football bets no issues. then the bets increased and time spent online or in bookies would increase. it took me serveral years even to notice how much problem it was. but for sure the last few years i lost so much. I work in IT and worked in many different contact roles, work hard for money i get,for a long time i would normally have lost the money very early on, and struggle to get throught month , worry and feel down for rest of month, really down. The more i lost the more i try and get back , classic gambling problem issue. I have time where so low i would nearly not be able to cope and yet i went back time and time again to this way of life.

Last year i went to ga meeting and stayed off gambling for about 6 months. then in no sense
and that is all part gambling life i went back and placed bet. since then dec till 8th march sometime went out control again. Struggle to pay bills no money loans all that goes with gambling issue up untill 8th march . On that day i lost money and day was special meaning as girlfriends birthday , i was out control i went home and told her and felt so low as i wanted to make her day good not bad and i went to very low place. I have since got support family and girlfriend as always , and been 9 days since bet. I now plan steps with ga and other ways to beat something that i knew and yet didnt seem to know has sucked life out my life.
It will not again at least i very much hope it wont. I post this here to maybe warn people of issue and yet sometime people have see for themselves before will understand.
If anything if anyone reading this can maybe take note of how gambling can take grip upon your life with out you at times knowing , I plan to let that grip it has on me go .

JamBur

I wish you the best with this. Gambling truly is a hidden disease.

Giveaway

Newme2019 wrote: »

HI All,

My purpose my this is to have record online and i think this can help me check my progess over time . My story is one of gamling over last maybe 12 to 14 years became more of problem as time went on. from start in late 20's would done some normal football bets no issues. then the bets increased and time spent online or in bookies would increase. it took me serveral years even to notice how much problem it was. but for sure the last few years i lost so much. I work in IT and worked in many different contact roles, work hard for money i get,for a long time i would normally have lost the money very early on, and struggle to get throught month , worry and feel down for rest of month, really down. The more i lost the more i try and get back , classic gambling problem issue. I have time where so low i would nearly not be able to cope and yet i went back time and time again to this way of life.

Last year i went to ga meeting and stayed off gambling for about 6 months. then in no sense
and that is all part gambling life i went back and placed bet. since then dec till 8th march sometime went out control again. Struggle to pay bills no money loans all that goes with gambling issue up untill 8th march . On that day i lost money and day was special meaning as girlfriends birthday , i was out control i went home and told her and felt so low as i wanted to make her day good not bad and i went to very low place. I have since got support family and girlfriend as always , and been 9 days since bet. I now plan steps with ga and other ways to beat something that i knew and yet didnt seem to know has sucked life out my life.
It will not again at least i very much hope it wont. I post this here to maybe warn people of issue and yet sometime people have see for themselves before will understand.
if anything if anyone at all can maybe take note of how gambling take take grip upon your life with out you at times not really knowing , I plan to let that grip it has on me go .

Good luck. Suggest maybe sign over your paycheck and finances/billsto a trusted family member (and destroy credit cards) until you definately break the gambling cycle

Newme2019

thanks very good suggestion ,have done keeps things out my control

Giveaway

Newme2019 wrote: »

thanks very good suggestion ,have done keeps things out my control

Good job. Also suggest avoid things that reduce defences. Alcohol would be a big example, or pubs where sports are shown. Maybe ditch the smartphone and get one of the old nokia, so even in a moment of weakness you cannot download a gambling app.
Develop an altenative obsession or hobby or ressurect an old sport or hobby. Attend mens' shed. You will be exposed to outlets you never knew existed by the other men.
Lastly everybody else has demons no matter how good the external facade, so don t get disheartened even with the occasional backslide

ArtyC

You can self exclude yourself from the bookies . Pop in and it'll be 5 mins, the exclude will also be online as well . Maybe bring support on the day

LegacyUser

Well done on your 9 days. Meetings really should be daily for you.

As others have said alot is about removing options as theres not many who
can do it with willpower and meetings alone. Some "tips"below

- Self exclude from all online and offline. Bring passport photos for each of the shops as they need one each. Don't be embarrassed or use embarrassment as a reason not to go in and do it. It is far less embarrassing than walking out with empty pockets worrying about how you will feed yourself or pay the rent.

- Don't have access to cash. If you have support you trust change your payroll to their account and have them budget for you and give you pocket money. Humiliating a little bit but it will get you on track

- If you don't have support go into your bank. Cancel your card and set a withdrawal limit. Tell them the truth - they'll know already by your transactions. It gives you thinking time before betting if you physically have to go to a bank and take out hard cash rather than dealing in digital numbers.

- Open a credit union account and put a fraction of what you used to bet into it. It will help you get on track down the line.

- Be upfront with people you've borrowed or stolen from. People in the main are surprisingly supportive of people who try to help themselves even if you've hurt them.

- You're a compulsive gambler. Embrace and acknowledge that. Enjoy the freedom of no more lies and dodging bullets

Go to meetings !

Good luck

KikiLaRue

Good luck buddy.

Yesterday I was five years sober through AA. As they say, it works if you work it.

Get yourself a good sponsor, do the steps and go to plenty of meetings.

Outside of that, give yourself plenty of little reminders through the day to stay going - for example I had a copy of the serenity prayer pinned to the mirror in my bathroom (even if you don't believe in anything, that prayer is full of solid advice), and I had the 'Just for Today' card in my wallet.

So I would see those things multiple times every day, giving me little reminders to stay the course.

Last piece of advice - stick with the winners. It's such a cliche, but hang around with people who are taking it seriously (some people come in because they are in trouble with their partner or with the guards or whatever and they want to be seen to be doing something - avoid these) Get numbers for people who have a solid program, and don't be afraid to call them when you're tempted to have a bet.

bilbot79

Just don't make the next bet and everything will be ok.

You'd be better being broke early in the month because you paid it all into a pension than to paddypower.

Gambling is up there with smoking as among life's worst afflictions. Good luck

Newme2019

KikiLaRue wrote: »

Good luck buddy.

Yesterday I was five years sober through AA. As they say, it works if you work it.

Get yourself a good sponsor, do the steps and go to plenty of meetings.

Outside of that, give yourself plenty of little reminders through the day to stay going - for example I had a copy of the serenity prayer pinned to the mirror in my bathroom (even if you don't believe in anything, that prayer is full of solid advice), and I had the 'Just for Today' card in my wallet.

So I would see those things multiple times every day, giving me little reminders to stay the course.

Last piece of advice - stick with the winners. It's such a cliche, but hang around with people who are taking it seriously (some people come in because they are in trouble with their partner or with the guards or whatever and they want to be seen to be doing something - avoid these) Get numbers for people who have a solid program, and don't be afraid to call them when you're tempted to have a bet.

Alot good advice thank you . will take onboard

wally1990

Newme2019 wrote: »

HI All,

My purpose my this is to have record online and i think this can help me check my progess over time . My story is one of gamling over last maybe 12 to 14 years became more of problem as time went on. from start in late 20's would done some normal football bets no issues. then the bets increased and time spent online or in bookies would increase. it took me serveral years even to notice how much problem it was. but for sure the last few years i lost so much. I work in IT and worked in many different contact roles, work hard for money i get,for a long time i would normally have lost the money very early on, and struggle to get throught month , worry and feel down for rest of month, really down. The more i lost the more i try and get back , classic gambling problem issue. I have time where so low i would nearly not be able to cope and yet i went back time and time again to this way of life.

Last year i went to ga meeting and stayed off gambling for about 6 months. then in no sense
and that is all part gambling life i went back and placed bet. since then dec till 8th march sometime went out control again. Struggle to pay bills no money loans all that goes with gambling issue up untill 8th march . On that day i lost money and day was special meaning as girlfriends birthday , i was out control i went home and told her and felt so low as i wanted to make her day good not bad and i went to very low place. I have since got support family and girlfriend as always , and been 9 days since bet. I now plan steps with ga and other ways to beat something that i knew and yet didnt seem to know has sucked life out my life.
It will not again at least i very much hope it wont. I post this here to maybe warn people of issue and yet sometime people have see for themselves before will understand.
If anything if anyone reading this can maybe take note of how gambling can take grip upon your life with out you at times knowing , I plan to let that grip it has on me go .

The bravest thing you have done is admit you have a problem so well done

It's not a shame and its very common unfortunately

Now you've admitted you know you do have a gambling problem but you want control of it,

I would take the above posters suggestion and say

'right, I'm going to let another family member or girlfriend control my bills, band card, funds access etc,

That is a big step

It's knowing you've a problem and taking a big step by saying ill let someone else close to me control my money so you yourself can take control of the underline issues to address it

Go to your GA meetings
Look for other hobbies
Learn to enjoy sports and other activities without the bet being placed

And most of enjoy knowing your rates are still there to spend on things you and your GF can enjoy

Go our for meals
Save for a holiday away
Set a money goal of savings towards X euro in a certain period of time, all whilst you get control of your life

You clearly want control of your life so take it

Well done on the journey, you've taken the biggest step by admitting it, now to openly say it to family members or GF and take control and most importantly

Learn to enjoy life without the worry of someone else taking your money, its your money and learn to enjoy it on other things

Best of luck

Newme2019

wally1990 wrote: »

The bravest thing you have done is admit you have a problem so well done

It's not a shame and its very common unfortunately

Now you've admitted you know you do have a gambling problem but you want control of it,

I would take the above posters suggestion and say

'right, I'm going to let another family member or girlfriend control my bills, band card, funds access etc,

That is a big step

It's knowing you've a problem and taking a big step by saying ill let someone else close to me control my money so you yourself can take control of the underline issues to address it

Go to your GA meetings
Look for other hobbies
Learn to enjoy sports and other activities without the bet being placed

And most of enjoy knowing your rates are still there to spend on things you and your GF can enjoy

Go our for meals
Save for a holiday away
Set a money goal of savings towards X euro in a certain period of time, all whilst you get control of your life

You clearly want control of your life so take it

Well done on the journey, you've taken the biggest step by admitting it, now to openly say it to family members or GF and take control and most importantly

Learn to enjoy life without the worry of someone else taking your money, its your money and learn to enjoy it on other things

Best of luck

Again very good point will take on board. feel less stressed already after over week no betting. thanks advice

Newme2019

Justanothergambler wrote: »

Well done on your 9 days. Meetings really should be daily for you.

As others have said alot is about removing options as theres not many who
can do it with willpower and meetings alone. Some "tips"below

- Self exclude from all online and offline. Bring passport photos for each of the shops as they need one each. Don't be embarrassed or use embarrassment as a reason not to go in and do it. It is far less embarrassing than walking out with empty pockets worrying about how you will feed yourself or pay the rent.

- Don't have access to cash. If you have support you trust change your payroll to their account and have them budget for you and give you pocket money. Humiliating a little bit but it will get you on track

- If you don't have support go into your bank. Cancel your card and set a withdrawal limit. Tell them the truth - they'll know already by your transactions. It gives you thinking time before betting if you physically have to go to a bank and take out hard cash rather than dealing in digital numbers.

- Open a credit union account and put a fraction of what you used to bet into it. It will help you get on track down the line.

- Be upfront with people you've borrowed or stolen from. People in the main are surprisingly supportive of people who try to help themselves even if you've hurt them.

- You're a compulsive gambler. Embrace and acknowledge that. Enjoy the freedom of no more lies and dodging bullets

Go to meetings !

Good luck

going to do this with bank on tuesday. need to do block on bookies as lot where i live. good points . thanks advice and support

Paddy Cow

Newme2019 wrote: »

Again very good point will take on board. feel less stressed already after over week no betting. thanks advice

I would advise keeping a diary. Write in it every day about how much better you feel, how you are less stressed and how both your finances and your personal relationships are improving. In the future when your mind starts playing tricks on you, telling you that one bet won't hurt (and this WILL happen) you can read back your journal and reinforce the part of your brain that knows gambling will just lead you down a dark path.

You will always be an addict but it doesn't have to rule your life. Take steps now while you are in recovery to protect yourself in the future. Write down all the negatives that came from the addiction and all the positives of not feeding it. It will help make you stronger psychologically. When the temptation to indulge your addiction strikes, your subconscious will make up all sorts of reasons why it's ok to go back to old habits. That's why you managed to quit for 6 months but gave into temptation once and ended up back down the rabbit hole.

I wish you all the best. You seem to have the self awareness to get through this. Keep reminding yourself of all you have to lose if you let those destructive thoughts win out and all the good things you have to look forward to when you keep them at bay.

LegacyUser

Fair play to you for trying to sort this. Its a tough thing that can cause lots of problems- as you already know.

I could feel myself getting out of control with it before and it seemed to be always around the same time - after a few drinks.

A tip I can give you that I found really beneficial (although possibly a strange one). One morning when I woke up hungover and came to the realization that Id spent most of my hard earned wages on an online gambling site. Disgusted with myself as this wasnt the first time after promising myself it wouldnt happen again. I downloaded every online gambling app I could find on google, registered all my details and immediately went to the "opt out page". Changed the setting so that I couldnt deposit any money and then deleted the app again. Since then Iv had no problems with it.

Even if I got the urge after a few drinks it was physically impossible to do it!
After a while the Urge stopped!

Now I dont feel so bad buying myself something expensive every now and again!

Best of luck with it!

Moomintroll99

I've no advice but just wanted to say well done for admitting the problem and taking steps to sort it.

My brother has ruined his life with gambling. He took thousands off our parents to try to repay his debts but the behaviour never stopped and he never repaid them. He ruined a relationship with a beautiful girl who couldn't accept it and left him, damaged relationships with other family members due to the lies and the borrowing money etc. He's 40 now with no girlfriend, no house, no savings, living in a friend's spare room, none of us trust him due to the money issues. He gets very depressed. He's successful enough in his work but all his earnings go on gambling so he's nothing to show for 20 years of work with a good salary. The stress of living that way is huge for him, and it damages all the support he would otherwise have from friends and family due to the lack of trust.

It's so great to see someone standing up to the problem and not letting it destroy them. I wish you all the very very best, congratulations again, I'm sure it's hard to tackle it but it will mean so much for you and all the people around you.

heretothere

It sounds like you're taking all the right steps, well done. Any addiction is hard to break, but if you're determined you will get there. Good luck.