What kind of counselling/therapy should I seek?

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I think I need to go to talk to someone, I'm just not sure what type of counselling would be best for me.

I find myself very stressed out a lot of the time, possibly anxious.

I decided to post this because this morning I was in a coffee shop and a girl spilled her coffee and looked in my direction in a "Oh ****!" kind of way (she was looking towards the counter) and I found myself getting really red, even though it was nothing to do with me. Similar happened over the weekend in another public place where I found myself blushing severely even though I wasn't the centre of attention at all. I feel if I get any unexpected attention I get super self conscious and have to coach myself to get perspective on the situation.

I have learned to power through these episodes and try to carry on as normal when it happens but it is the literal red flag that makes me feel like I'm not doing great, when at this age I should be much more confident and secure.

I'm sure it's just a symptom of other stuff and overall it has been a very tough few years.

Being a parent myself is causing me to reflect on my own childhood and I'm starting to see how dysfunctional our own upbringing was. There was plenty of love but it was still very depressing, tense and gloomy, with a lot of fighting and agro. And unfortunately I'm living back at home at the moment while I recover financially after being manipulated by my own child's mother into contributing money well beyond my means.

The term gaslighting would be accurate in describing the situation with my child's mother, and this went on for 5 years. I pushed for mediation to seek resolution on this but she bailed after 2 sessions. Only now after 1-2 years am I getting out of the hold that had on me.

I want to settle down and hopefully for once in my life be part of a nice, functional and non-toxic family. I'm worried that if I don't address this stuff I'm going to look back in 10 years and feel that I missed out on this chance. I want my own child to have this chance too.

I didn't want this post to get too long but I'm happy to answer any questions.

Thanks

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EverythingAfter wrote: »

...when at this age I should be much more confident and secure.

There is no age where people are more confident and secure. Its more that being confident and secure is an external expression of inner peace. And it can be difficult to have inner peace at any age. Just like you, people power on through it and you wouldnt know they are struggling.

Its really good that you have enough self awareness to see there is something that you need a bit of support for, and some stuff to work through.

Initially I would suggest you speak to your GP re feeling anxious and see what they suggest. Or you could seek out a therapist based on recommendations from friends/family/online. But your GP might be best placed to give you a recommendation. If you want to explore your past and deal with that then perhaps psychotherapy might be for you?

You could definitely make a start with some self help books to try to help you understand your past - Toxic Parents is a good one, but a browse in the self help area of Easons will no doubt throw up some more.

Dont feel alone and dont feel like you should be other than you are. Everybody goes through periods where things are good and other periods that are more difficult. I think its a bit of a shock to discover as a grown up that in fact, grown ups dont have all the answers.

A very general bit of advice is to look after the body to help look after the mind. A clean diet, regular exercise and enough water and sleep.

Best of luck!

SirChenjin

i would echo the previous poster in saying that chatting with your GP about the anxiety could be a good place to start.
They may be able to recommend a counsellor to you.

There is some good advice on this thread in relation to looking for a counsellor/ therapist.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057956018

You have had a lot of tough times by the sound of it. Try to be gentle on yourself. There really isn't an age where anyone feels more confident and secure. Life has a habit of throwing all sorts at us at any time. It sounds like you have weathered a lot and you're still standing so give yourself credit for that.

It might sound like a cliche. (In fact it is one, but there is often truth in cliches, in my opinion).
One day at a time.

Forget about ten years or whatever at the moment. Literally take one day at a time.
Some people find things like mindfulness helpful for anxiety. It might be worth checking out. Others find things like running helpful.
It really is about finding what works best for you.

Mind yourself.

P247

EverythingAfter wrote: »

after being manipulated by my own child's mother into contributing money well beyond my means.

The term gaslighting would be accurate in describing the situation with my child's mother, and this went on for 5 years. I pushed for mediation to seek resolution on this but she bailed after 2 sessions. Only now after 1-2 years am I getting out of the hold that had on me.

Stumbled across this thread, and while it was only a guest a/c and almost a year ago, what you posted here could pretty much be my own story.. in fact I had to double check to make sure I hadn't posted it.

I went to AMEN and found them to be brilliant, they offered counselling services which were life changing, to be frank.. it's still hard work and over 18 months on I'm considering linking back in with the counseler lately, but it was a really turning point for me.

Best of luck if you do happen to read this and do get in touch if you need help