Anxiety staying by myself

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Regular contributor here but too ashamed to post this in my regular username.

I lived on my own for 4 and a bit years, the first 2 were fine, but somewhere along the way I developed anxiety, it came from nowhere. I was actually pretty careless before, being a rebel and eating food after the best-before dates, allowing myself to go hungry for a few hours....... but I then randomly developed this constant paranoia that I was going to die, mostly that I would get ill in my sleep and no one would be there to help me. I know, it sounds nuts.....For example, if I had a pain in my stomach I would convince myself that my bowel had torn and I was going to get sepsis. Ya know, normal stuff. I'm actually pretty fit and healthy, so it's beyond ridiculous.

Anyway, I stopped drinking caffeine which got rid of about 85% of the issue, although it lingers.

I've since moved in with my boyfriend so that has made it mostly non-existent....occasionally I still get a mad thought and I just need to verbalise it, he will laugh at me for being nuts which is exactly I want him to do, then we'll both laugh and for the most part I'll forget about it. Also, he is incredibly protective of me so I know i'm safe with him there.

His mum is recently widowed and he and his sisters sometimes stay with her, I obviously support and encourage this however 90% of the time when he stays I have massive anxiety trying to get to sleep and I will wake up massively paranoid. I have never communicated this to him, and I never will as I don't want him or his mum to feel like he can't leave me.

This is 100% my issue, I know this.

But I'm annoyed that I seem to have regressed in that I was grand before I moved in with him for the most-part.

The thing is, his job are sending him to San Francisco for a month in 2 months time and I am desperate to get this sorted before he goes, I'm obviously going to miss him terribly and I can't help but worry that that stress in addition to the actual anxiety is just going to be unbearable.

It probably doesn't come across here but just to note that aside from this issue I am incredibly independent and self-sufficient, we don't have any co-dependency issues in our relationship but I think I've just gotten very used to having him around.

Dial Hard

I think you'd benefit from CBT or perhaps another form of therapy, I certainly wouldn't consider it normal for anyone to be that afraid of being alone overnight.

My ex-husband used to work overseas for six months at a time and while it was certainly lonely at times, I was never afraid. I think this has the potential to be a very big issue for you so I would see about getting it sorted ASAP, I think this is exactly the kind of irrational fear that has the potential to turn into a full-on phobia very easily.

woodchuck

OP I can understand where you're coming from. I like having time alone to do my own thing, but I do feel uneasy sleeping in the apartment on my own. I wouldn't think it's that unusual a fear though. I reckon it's quite a primitive thing; safety in numbers!

Obviously it's something you'll need to learn to live with though. I agree that CBT or counselling could help.

I'm going to sound silly here, but a few little things I do help myself include:
- not reading/watching anything scary in the evening (opt for a romcom instead!)
- calling/texting family and friends if I'm feeling nervous or lonely
- doing a quick sweep of all the nooks and crannies before going to bed (so I can rationalise any bumps in the night!)
- get some exercise in the evening so I'm physically tired to make sleep come easier
These are obviously only small things, but I find they help.

B0jangles

From the sound of it, the problem isn't being alone per se, it sounds more like you have a generalized anxiety problem which is currently fixated on the idea of being alone in the house.

This bit

I lived on my own for 4 and a bit years, the first 2 were fine, but somewhere along the way I developed anxiety, it came from nowhere. I was actually pretty careless before, being a rebel and eating food after the best-before dates, allowing myself to go hungry for a few hours....... but I then randomly developed this constant paranoia that I was going to die, mostly that I would get ill in my sleep and no one would be there to help me.

Really reminds me of myself a good few years back when I was working in a very stressful job and developed a completely crazy health-related phobia as a result. Like you, I knew the fear was completely irrational but knowing made no difference, I was still terrified, and like you, my fear seemed to arrive fully formed and out of nowhere. I reduced my stess levels and the phobia (slooowly) largely disappeared.

I'd suggest trying to reduce your overall stress and anxiety levels rather than trying to address the details of this specific phobia. If this does sound like your own experience, you might want to talk to a doctor about medical treatments for anxiety too.

Good luck!

santana75

Op I cant give medical advice directly as its against the charter but if I were you I'd look into the brain, as in how to have a healthy brain. Before you go down the road of psychotherapy or anything like that, make sure that you take care of the biological factors first and foremost. A lot of the time people have anxiety but really theyre lacking in certain nutrients that are vital for a healthy brain. Its simple stuff and theres some good books out there that will guide you in what makes a healthy brain. A brain lacking in the right nutrients is a brain that goes crazy and will make you fearful. GABA is a big one and a lot of people with anxiety are deficient in this. Anwyay, like I said, look into the biology before anything else.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses!

In particular BOjangles. It's nice to hear I'm not the only person who has experienced this. Good tips.

I actually have very little stress in my life at the moment, love my job and my colleagues, happy in my relationship, have enough money, both my parents are healthy.

I have found that when he stays with his mum I do better by staying really busy doing housework while listening to happy and upbeat music, or just doing my nails or watching a comedy-movie. The nights where I have a plan in place are the easiest, but I think over a whole month this will be really testing.

That said, maybe if I just put my effort in to being really positive, I'll be fine.

Just with regard to the nutrient stuff.....not just saying this, and it's kind of a byproduct of the condition but for the last 2-3 years I honestly couldn't be eating any better. I don't eat any processed foods or fast-foods at all, I manage all my macros and micros, I train 5 nights a week, rarely drink. I've had bloods done a few times since the anxiety kicked in and they are always perfect, only issue is a low resting heart rate (but I'm very fit) and low blood pressure.

Bizarre how anxiety can come out of nowhere, I'd give anything to go back to before!

dellas1979

Youre simply doing a thing called catastrophising.

For example, am building a house at the moment. During one stormy night, I stayed awake thinking and worrying "the house is going to blow down!!!!".

Few weeks later, there was another storm. I woke again, same thoughts. This time I caught myself doing this, and I kicked in the rational side of me "I am not going to worry about this until I know for a fact there is a problem."

I fell back to sleep.