#Dating What to do?

LegacyUser

Hello everyone, there is a temp working in my workplace and some colleagues have told me that this person has a strong interest romantically in me from what they have seen. Now I have experienced some of this, this person has spoken to me several times over minuscule things and I have noticed this person looking at me in the staff area and on one occasion, I have reciprocated with a smile and a 'hello'. I do find this person very attractive but I have never experienced anyone having much interest in me romantically. I get quite nervous speaking to this person and I don't know what this is ... could it be that I too have feelings for this person? If I do, how do I proceed? I've never done this before. I was thinking of getting this persons phone number to text them to see if they wanted to do lunch etc. as I don't think I have the confidence to ask them to their face. As I am totally inexperienced and not completely au fait or comfortable with the act of kissing etc. and don't know where to begin - I know I'm jumping the gun but this is one of the concerns, if I ask this person out - how do I know when to kiss this person and even further - does it come natural?? Just watching tv programmes where couples go on dates and end up kissing the faces of each other and ending up in bed? How does a person know what to do? I don't want to bring this person out and end up disappointing them. I'm also concerned that if it doesn't work out - would it have any effect in work. In conclusion, I do like this person but don't know romantically as I honestly never thought of anyone being interested in me and me living a solo life. I don't know what I'm asking - I suppose should I get this person's mobile number and see what happens? Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

zoobizoo

Stop jumping ahead for a start.

If they are interested in you then maybe let them ask you out.

After a date, if you've enjoyed it, say "that was fun, would you like to meet up again sometime soon?"

Xterminator

Hi Op

its your life, stop being a passenger. if you like this person then you should approach them, and ask them out for a coffee, not sit by passivly and wish they would do so.
plucking up the courage to start a conversation is hard, but its a skill and with practise you will get better at it.

as for worrying about what could happen when kissing etc, it really has no benefit to you, the negative energy focusing on such thoughts will bring is something to be avoided. If this is something you find yourself doing you should try to exercise control over your wondering thoughts to bring them back to the present, and more beneficial and positive thoughts.

there is a technique mindfulness that can help you if you struggle in this area.
https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

<Snip>

Yes - you're dead right and the best I can do is try - if it goes wrong so be it - can always say I tried. On the other hand, I could have found the person to share the rest of my life with. I believe that we have a path in life and things happen for a reason.

I am a very positive person and this has been acknowledged several times in my work but when it comes to myself, I don't look out for myself. Now to clarify, I have a great life but as I said, I've never imagined someone taking an interesting in me romantically. I suppose I'm going through my teenage years in terms of getting involved with someone as this would be my first relationship.... should anything happen.

Thanks for the replies.

heretothere

Go for it! When you an opening, just go over and say 'Hi xyz, how's your day going? Then after a minute or two just say would you like to get a coffee/ pint/ whatever, after work some time?'

If they say no, well that's that then! Don't be jumping the gun worrying about if it doesn't work out, if it doesn't and you have just had a few dates but there wasn't anything there it might be a touch awkward the 1st time or 2 that you see them at work but after that it'll be grand. Or as you said they may be the one for you.

LegacyUser

Well I did it and meeting up tonight. It was a bit awkward but there was great relief. The pressure is off so I'll enjoy it and see what happens! I haven't the engagement ring in my pocket just yet😁 Thanks.

heretothere

whattodo19 wrote: »

Well I did it and meeting up tonight. It was a bit awkward but there was great relief. The pressure is off so I'll enjoy it and see what happens! I haven't the engagement ring in my pocket just yet😁 Thanks.

Hope it went well! I'm glad you did it.

Ballerina

How did it go???

Infonovice

hope you had a good night OP:)

woodchuck

Mod note:

@Ballerina, please note that it is against the PI charter to ask for updates.

LegacyUser

Hi again, apologies for only getting back now. Anyway the night went well but I don't think it's going to go anywhere. She sent a few texts that night saying she enjoyed it and would like to do it again but was sort of standoffish at work when others are around, was in photocopying room and it was very chilly and then the next day, we were talking as normal. She still smiles when I see her and talks when she can. I sent a message last weekend to see if she had plans ... answer was no, enjoy your weekend. I was going to ask her if she wanted to go for something to eat - maybe I should have been more direct but I wanted to initiate a conversation before asking my question. I still like her but I really don't know if she's into me or playing mind games. Any more advice?

Knine

When she said she had no plans she was probably waiting on you to ask her out again! So go for it

Calypso Realm

whattodo19 wrote: »

Anyway the night went well but I don't think it's going to go anywhere. She sent a few texts that night saying she enjoyed it and would like to do it again but

Heavens, this was your cue to ask her out again! Why on earth didn't you? I'm not surprised things were a bit awkward at work, since she's most probably thinking you're not interested in progressing things!

Arrival

Her saying "no, enjoy your weekend" is a pretty odd way of trying to cue him to ask her out again, why not just say "no, I've nothing planned, and you?" if that's her intention. The "enjoy your weekend" part seems more like a closer on the conversation...

Mr. Incognito

****ing text messages.

Ring her up and ask her out again.

Like a grown up

Yellow pack crisps

Did it ever occur to you that you seemed off as well at work? In the cold light of day these things can be awkward and misread signals easily misinterpreted. Ring her and ask her out, if she says no so be it, that’s life.

Calypso Realm

Arrival wrote: »

Her saying "no, enjoy your weekend" is a pretty odd way of trying to cue him to ask her out again, why not just say "no, I've nothing planned, and you?" if that's her intention. The "enjoy your weekend" part seems more like a closer on the conversation...

Yes, (but although I'm not sure of the exact interval between the first date and this weekend) it does sound a bit later when the awkwardness at work had set in and she most likely didn't know how to take him. I know, if it were me, I'd be wondering why he had waited this long before he asked for another date! I'd reckon he's not too interested and just had no other options that weekend!

LegacyUser

Arrival wrote: »

Her saying "no, enjoy your weekend" is a pretty odd way of trying to cue him to ask her out again, why not just say "no, I've nothing planned, and you?" if that's her intention. The "enjoy your weekend" part seems more like a closer on the conversation...

Apologies again for long delays in replies, very busy with work. Anyway, this is the way I took it aswell. Considering it was a bank holiday weekend, I was surprised with the tone.

Her contract finishes soon so I'll make one more attempt and if it's a no, I won't bother again as I obviously got it wrong.

Thanks for the advice.