Day to day drudgery

danslevent

Hello,

I am sure a lot of people can relate to this so here goes:

I feel like I al wasting my life in an office job. I work 9.30-18.30, Monday to Friday. My colleagues are nice, I don't mind my work (in fact it is would be deemed slightly more satisfying and beneficial to the world than your average desk job) but I feel the weeks pass and I am living for the weekend. It makes me so depressed only getting two days off. I try to fill my weekend with activities such as hiking, dinners etc but two days isn't enough and working part-time isn't an option...financially or with my work load.

Other parts of my life are good; I exercise, I have friends, just started a new relationship a few months ago and we are in love...I just find myself bored with life and I find everything so monotonous. I am only 26!

I listen to podcasts during mundane tasks to occupy my mind a bit, I go for walks every lunch break....I am lucky as I am only a twenty minute walk to work.

I take antidepressants for anxiety for the last 2.5 years so mentally, I feel okay now. I have down days but nothing OTT.

I am currently even living abroad in one of the most vibrant cities in the world, speaking in a different language every day so it is a everyday challenge.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I am watching my life pass me by.

Plopsu

Actually sounds to me like you have a pretty full life. Antidepressants can have a serious 'levelling' effect and make everything feel a bit plastic.
If you could change something (don't worry about how, just a magic wand kind of thing), what would you change to make yourself happy?

danslevent

Plopsu wrote: »

Actually sounds to me like you have a pretty full life. Antidepressants can have a serious 'levelling' effect and make everything feel a bit plastic.
If you could change something (don't worry about how, just a magic wand kind of thing), what would you change to make yourself happy?

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Yes, my life would seem that way but I can't get over the sensation of wasting my life.

I would want to move more and not be at a desk all day. I take regularly breaks and even try and stretch at different points throughout the day.

I wish I could have a more varied routine and it wasn't desk from Monday to Friday. That I wasn't so tired after work that sometimes I just go home and lie down because I have no energy from doing something all day that wasn't really for a personal benefit, but a financial one.

it would ne nice to work less hours too. Working until 18.30 is horrible, I can barely concentrate during the last hour.

Maybe it is the anti-depressants that are detaching me.

LegacyUser

danslevent wrote: »

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Yes, my life would seem that way but I can't get over the sensation of wasting my life.

I would want to move more and not be at a desk all day. I take regularly breaks and even try and stretch at different points throughout the day.

I wish I could have a more varied routine and it wasn't desk from Monday to Friday. That I wasn't so tired after work that sometimes I just go home and lie down because I have no energy from doing something all day that wasn't really for a personal benefit, but a financial one.

it would ne nice to work less hours too. Working until 18.30 is horrible, I can barely concentrate during the last hour.

Maybe it is the anti-depressants that are detaching me.

I just wanted to say I understand how you feel, I also work a desk job 5 days a week and feel like I am counting down my life until the weekend. I find exercise after work helps a bit with the tiredness, as does planning mid-week activities, meals out etc although sometimes I can feel too tired to do them.
I'm sorry I don't really have any solutions. I think perhaps some people derive lots of meaning/identity from work and other people don't, and therefore resent it. If I didn't have to work I definitely wouldn't. I am hopefully going to cut down to 3 day weeks and get some of my life back.

Is there anyway you could work from home for part of the week?

baby and crumble

hey OP. I experience depression and I get where you're coming from. Sometimes the monotony of life can feel oppressive.

i suppose the main question is do you want change enough that you'll make sacrifices to get it? By that I mean looking for a new job, changing careers, taking an evening course to progress etc. Your job/working conditions won't change unless you force that change. it sounds like your personal life is full and interesting, which is great. Some folks have the opposite problem.

Also, I think a lot of people in their mid-20's go through something like you're describing. When you think about it, up until you finish college your life has defined 'chunks' of time where you know an end is coming. Like, you know you've got 8 years in primary school, at 12 you'll move to secondary. Then at 18 you go to college, etc. Once you leave that system, there's none of those defined time periods to measure life though, so then it starts to feel monotonous and never-ending. At this age and on you have to create your own 'time chunks' to help your life feel like it's moving, and not stagnating.

danslevent

baby and crumble wrote: »

hey OP. I experience depression and I get where you're coming from. Sometimes the monotony of life can feel oppressive.

i suppose the main question is do you want change enough that you'll make sacrifices to get it? By that I mean looking for a new job, changing careers, taking an evening course to progress etc. Your job/working conditions won't change unless you force that change. it sounds like your personal life is full and interesting, which is great. Some folks have the opposite problem.

Also, I think a lot of people in their mid-20's go through something like you're describing. When you think about it, up until you finish college your life has defined 'chunks' of time where you know an end is coming. Like, you know you've got 8 years in primary school, at 12 you'll move to secondary. Then at 18 you go to college, etc. Once you leave that system, there's none of those defined time periods to measure life though, so then it starts to feel monotonous and never-ending. At this age and on you have to create your own 'time chunks' to help your life feel like it's moving, and not stagnating.

Hello,

Thank you for this, it is exactly how I feel. Especially since I traveled a bit and did my Masters in a different country too. I always had my eyes on the horizon for the next adventure, the next challenge. Now that I have the partner, the job and living in the city I always loved and mastering a language I always aimed to learn it feels a bit...deflated. I feel like the balloon that you find in the corner three weeks after the party, all soft and purposeless.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to fill my life with more meaning? I tired to volunteer with refugees before but the shifts would go from three hours to eventually 6 and it increased my general level of thinking the world is pretty messed up...

danslevent

Irelate wrote: »

I just wanted to say I understand how you feel, I also work a desk job 5 days a week and feel like I am counting down my life until the weekend. I find exercise after work helps a bit with the tiredness, as does planning mid-week activities, meals out etc although sometimes I can feel too tired to do them.
I'm sorry I don't really have any solutions. I think perhaps some people derive lots of meaning/identity from work and other people don't, and therefore resent it. If I didn't have to work I definitely wouldn't. I am hopefully going to cut down to 3 day weeks and get some of my life back.

Is there anyway you could work from home for part of the week?

I am glad to know that I am not alone! Yeah, I envy my colleagues that seem to really relish their job. They voluntarily work late and seem to derive genuine enjoyment from their tasks.

I might ask about working from home one day a week but it isn't really done here unless someone is sick. I have only been here 6 months... My partner loves his job and is on the ladder to earning a lot. He feels like he "doesn't work a day in his life". I envy that and we joke that I can retire in the next few years hah!

I am the same, I could happily work 2 days a week and find so many ther things to fill my time. I feel like I am selling my life for money.

I studied philosophy before and we read about "you don't pay for things with money but with hours of your life"

baby and crumble

You said you like challenges. Why do you think that now you have a relationship, a home, and a steady job there are no more challenges? There's infinite challenges to give yourself, you just need to find one (or more!) that work for you and what you need right now.

Is there a skill you would like to learn? I found it great taking up pottery in an evening class. It gave me structure, something to focus on, the challenge of learning completely new skills, a different way of engaging with the world (using my hands and creativity rather than my brain in my office job) and meeting new people.

Is there something you'd like to 'do' or achieve just for the sake of it? - ie run a marathon, perform in public, climb a mountain, finish an assault course like 'Tough Mudder' or something? All those things can also be done to raise money for a charity, for example, if the 'giving back' is something you want to do.

What I will say though is don't think you have to fill your time with activities all the time, in particular with activities that are for other people. I used to volunteer in loads of different sectors, I'd be busy most nights. In the end, though, you can't do that constantly, you just burn right out. You have to care for yourself too, and for your relationship etc. Sometimes learning to be alone and quiet and doing 'nothing' can be the biggest challenge of all.

wiggle16

I second all of the great advice above, baby and crumble's point about having no defined stage in your life is spot on.

I think though that, in addition to all the above, there's something to be said for learning to appreciate what you have a little bit more. This might not be popular advice but I don't mean it in a dismissive way or as a throwaway. I mean it in addition to the advice others have given.

What I mean is that it sounds like a massive part of your issue is boredom more than anything else. That's compounded by the lack of direction baby and crumble has pointed out - and boredom is still a legitimate issue.

Objectively, you are in a very good place in your life. Subjectively, you don't actually feel that way. Something needs to change there, for sure. But I think you need to appreciate and learn to enjoy what you have a bit more. I know I can be dismissed as having a simple "grass is always greener" mentality, but at the moment I can only aspire to what you have and I would kill to be in your position. Make the most of what you have!

You need to decide what you really want from and in your life. You are in the perfect position to plan and obtain that, and you are only 26. Where do you see yourself in a year? In 3 years, 5 years? I think you need to set definite goals (a phrase I hate but it's legit in this instance) in relation to where you see yourself in the future and work towards them.

On a practical level, small changes over time are cumulative and make a big difference. Make changes to your routine.
I know it's cliché, but maybe take up a new hobby or class in the evenings? You don't have to restrict recreation to the weekends and you haven't any kids.
Would volunteering be of any interest to you?
If finances allow, travel is a great way to break up the monotony. You have a set date where your routine will be interrupted.

You need to find a way to get more enjoyment out of life. Again I think the main problem is you are bored and not stimulated enough and that's a perfect combination for ennui to set in. I can relate to how you feel, for different reasons.

Also, just to say: when I say appreciate what you have a bit more, I'm not trying to put you down. You should not feel guilty for not feeling happy with your lot. No one is ever obliged to be content.

Best of luck OP

baby and crumble

I saw one of those 'inspirational quote' things on Instagram (I know, cheesy AF!) a while ago and it made me stop and think.

"Remember when what you have now is all you ever wanted".

It's a good point. 10 years ago the idea of being married, happy, decent career, nice house was all I wanted. Now I have that. Doesn't mean I can't set myself some 'new wants' but it's good to reflect, like wiggle16 said. And appreciate the hard work and motivation that got you here. You know?

danslevent

Thank you both for your responses. This is very, very true. I dreamt about being in a good job, living somewhere nice and being in love. I'm mad at myself for feeling this way! The other day I was walking through Paris during my lunch and it was a really beautiful and fresh day with all the amazing architecture around me and I felt anger at myself for not being delighted. This time last year I was in a really bad situation, financially, where I was living was a dump and was just serially dating...I have it all and now I am thinking "maybe I should move to a Caribbean island to teach English"...I feel like I need constant stimulation and I am not used to being happy so I am looking for difficulties.

I am bored to be honest, it's true. Everything feels the same and I can't take office life seriously...it just all seems "dumb" to me. I really have to pretend to care each day.

I also now live with my boyfriend (seems soon but it works very well for both of us) and it's like we are a married couple already. It's wonderful since I love him so much but it just all seems "done" now....

danslevent

baby and crumble wrote: »

You said you like challenges. Why do you think that now you have a relationship, a home, and a steady job there are no more challenges? There's infinite challenges to give yourself, you just need to find one (or more!) that work for you and what you need right now.

Is there a skill you would like to learn? I found it great taking up pottery in an evening class. It gave me structure, something to focus on, the challenge of learning completely new skills, a different way of engaging with the world (using my hands and creativity rather than my brain in my office job) and meeting new people.

Is there something you'd like to 'do' or achieve just for the sake of it? - ie run a marathon, perform in public, climb a mountain, finish an assault course like 'Tough Mudder' or something? All those things can also be done to raise money for a charity, for example, if the 'giving back' is something you want to do.

What I will say though is don't think you have to fill your time with activities all the time, in particular with activities that are for other people. I used to volunteer in loads of different sectors, I'd be busy most nights. In the end, though, you can't do that constantly, you just burn right out. You have to care for yourself too, and for your relationship etc. Sometimes learning to be alone and quiet and doing 'nothing' can be the biggest challenge of all.

Yes, maybe I could sign myself up for a half-marathon or join another social group. I need something to shake up my life... Thanks for your help

robbiezero

I would second the "working from home advice". It made quite a difference for me. Used to find it soul destroying sitting in an office at a cubicle 5 days a week, every day the same, commuting in a packed train with other office drones etc, wishing for the weekend all the time.

I try and work from home mostly 2 days a week spaced out e.g. Tuesday and either Thursday or Friday, and it has made quite a big difference for me.
I get back 3 hours of the day that I would normally spend commuting or eating breakfast in the office, I go for a walk or run at lunch time. I do my 7.5 hours work alright, but for example if I want a change at 3pm, I will just watch a bit of Netflix, go for a walk etc and maybe do an hours work at 7pm instead.

Have found it quite liberating.

Outkast_IRE

Is 9.30 to 6.30 your set hours ? I tend to do 8 to 4.30 and I find the early finish leaves plenty of time free to do as much or as little as I want each evening . Plenty of time to cook a meal from scratch or go to the gym , or just chill out .

You are leaving how you feel about work define your life , whilst it would be class if everyone was excited going into their job each day, I think for most people once they are generally ok with being there and not depressed going into work then that's a little win .

Concentrate on making the most of your hours outside of work be that through further education or recreational pastimes .

shesty

Do you like what you do?

I can't stand working in an office.Specifically picked a career that would give me the choice of being out and about, and also in an office.Working 9:30-6:30 would kill me to be honest, once 4pm comes, I am gone.My brain just switches off, truth be told.Thankfully my employer is ok for me to start at 8 and finish at 4.Cubicle life is just not for me, and like you I find the whole office thing ridiculous.I frequently find myself looking around thinking here we all are, tapping away industriously, doing...what?Sending a million emails...for what?How did this work before computers were invented??How did managing email become the purpose of so many jobs?? (My brain goes in tangents!!)However I do enjoy my current role as there are plenty of opportunities to get out and about at work-related sites.

It sounds like maybe you need to rethink your hours and possibly even your job?It can hit you a bit in your mid-twenties...is this all there is?You just sort of have to get into living and enjoying it, getting yourself a life outside work.I'd agree on the anti-depressants.

LegacyUser

OP, are you a creative person by any chance? I have been in your shoes and I went and got myself promoted and now absolutely hate going into work so:
1) I'd be hesitant to tell you to change anything about the job. I personally wish I could go back to not hating going into work everyday. as someone else said, to be ok with going in every day is a major victory in itself.
2) I think when you have something creative to work on you will never be poor. Nothing as satisfying as seeing the finished product of something you created be that a short story, a script, a jumper you've knitted etc. Become a producer rather than a consumer. I wish I could take that advice myself. It's hard when working full-time.
Isn't it amazing how we waste the short precious time we have here sitting at a desk doing ****ty jobs always knowing the hammer is about to fall at any time. What a sad sad world.

danslevent

danslevent wrote: »

I am the same, I could happily work 2 days a week and find so many ther things to fill my time. I feel like I am selling my life for money.

I studied philosophy before and we read about "you don't pay for things with money but with hours of your life"

What is it you actually want to work at?

The office life is awful if you aren't suited to it, especially when you are (presumably) just starting out. If you have a certain mindset, it can easily lead to things like weltschmerz. It can be hard to see reality as it is (or hard to accept reality as it is). We all know there's more to life than office work, and yet, we all end up in office work....

As for ways to deal with it? Focus on experiences, social connections and getting good at what you do day to day. Do not waste time on websites or other distractions, they are slow drains of happiness.