Asked a girl at work for her number and she said no.

Perez2017

I work in a pretty big company and noticed a very pretty girl in the canteen. Had a few words at Christmas party, told her I thought she was preety, confidence of drink. After Christmas met her in corridor a few times and she was very nice stopping for a chat. We have an instant message app at work so I plucked up the courage to message her. She responded and messaged me herself a few times, getting on well. I asked her for her number and she said sorry if she gave the wrong impression but she wasn't looking to meet anyone. I come across confident but it floored me totally. Totally embarrassing bumping into her at work now. I got the signals totally wrong, she was just been nice to me. I feel such a fool.

1874

<SNIP>

forget about, don't create any awkwardness and if you see her don't avid her, just smile and be civil, and she said no so that's her choice, be thankful she just said no and didn't complain.

Ursus Horribilis

When did this happen? Being rejected is pretty awful but I think you've blown this up into something bigger than it actually is. All you did was ask her for her number - it's not as if you were proposing marriage or propositioning her. Asking her for her number took balls and hopefully she'll agree, even if she doesn't want to go out with you. Reading the signals can be fiendishly hard at times. I've been asked out by men I didn't fancy and I've had to turn them down. Even though I didn't go out with them, I appreciate that they liked me enough to ask in the first place.

Time's a healer and it will get easier. Try to act as if nothing has happened if you meet her. She'll probably feel a bit awkward too but you'll find a way to get things back to some sort of an even keel. I'm sorry she rejected you but who's to say the next lady you ask out won't have a very different opinion?

Perez2017

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

When did this happen? Being rejected is pretty awful but I think you've blown this up into something bigger than it actually is. All you did was ask her for her number - it's not as if you were proposing marriage or propositioning her. Asking her for her number took balls and hopefully she'll agree, even if she doesn't want to go out with you. Reading the signals can be fiendishly hard at times. I've been asked out by men I didn't fancy and I've had to turn them down. Even though I didn't go out with them, I appreciate that they liked me enough to ask in the first place.

Time's a healer and it will get easier. Try to act as if nothing has happened if you meet her. She'll probably feel a bit awkward too but you'll find a way to get things back to some sort of an even keel. I'm sorry she rejected you but who's to say the next lady you ask out won't have a very different opinion?

Happened during the week. Ah I know I've blown it up into something it isn't. At the back of it all I suppose I'm very sensitive. Have to get tougher. At least I tried anyway.

forgodssake

Perez2017 wrote: »

Happened during the week. Ah I know I've blown it up into something it isn't. At the back of it all I suppose I'm very sensitive. Have to get tougher. At least I tried anyway.

Regret what you don't do not what you do !

Solomon Pleasant

Hi OP,

I reckon you’re better to have a go and get rejected than not have a go at all because then regret and stuff kick in, fair play to ya for having the courage to ask her, it’s not a big deal that she said no!

Akrasia

Well done, you did everything right. Didn't work out this time. Don't get discouraged. Just keep being yourself and it will work out with someone who is right for you

beertons

Fair play. That took courage. Hold your head high.

Flyingsnowball

You are a hero my friend. A man with nuts. Probably a few begrudgers afraid to ask her out that’ll slag you over it a bit. Feck them, remember to laugh when they slag you and make it out like it’s not a big deal because it’s not.

Every girl in the place now knows you are really single and not just pretend single.

And they know you have the bravery to ask them out.

Ye done well kid.

cannotlogin

Fair play to you. Wish I had your confidence & was able to do that. Regardless of the fact she isn't interested, she is most likely flattered and certainly won't think any less of you. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Flyingsnowball

Legend

joeguevara

Did nothing wrong. What happens next will define it. Don’t be awkward. Don’t think too much. Don’t do anything to make yourself or her feel bad. You took a chance and she was mature enough to be honest. Way worse things could happen.

Move on. Be friendly and don’t let it knock your confidence.

MontyChips

Dont beat yourself up! Asking someone for their number takes guts especially in a non social environment.

WrigleysExtra

Have you ever heard the saying 'don't get laid where you get paid' ?

Move on to the next, learn to deal with rejection.

Gonad

WrigleysExtra wrote: »

Have you ever heard the saying 'don't get laid where you get paid' ?

Move on to the next, learn to deal with rejection.

What if he’s an escort ?

woodchuck

Mod note:

Gonad, your post falls well short of the standard expected in PI/RI. Have a read of the charter before posting in this forum again.

GottaGetGatt

A Dumb Priest never got a Parish.

littlevillage

WrigleysExtra wrote: »

Have you ever heard the saying 'don't get laid where you get paid' ?

Move on to the next, learn to deal with rejection.

Fair play to OP for having a go. You did everything by the book but it didn't work out. No harm in that.

The guys do have a point when they said 'don't get laid where you get paid' cause it can complicate things.... especially if you get involved with someone at work and things don't work out well. She may actually have turned you down for that very reason, more than anything else.

Muckka

littlevillage wrote: »

Fair play to OP for having a go. You did everything by the book but it didn't work out. No harm in that.

The guys do have a point when they said 'don't get laid where you get paid' cause it can complicate things.... especially if you get involved with someone at work and things don't work out well. She may actually have turned you down for that very reason, more than anything else.

Love it don't get laid where you get paid.

I've seen disasters in work places,clubs and societies.

It can sometimes split group's in two.

I've had a few opportunities and flirtatious exchanges in work in my 20's and mid thirties.

On one occasion I got absolutely roasted, burnt to a crisp.
I didn't realize she was npd, bipolar and a recovering addict...

It was nuts, she made life hell in work.
To make matters worse she was my supervisor....

She couldn't handle rejection very well

DeanAustin

forgodssake wrote: »

Regret what you don't do not what you do !

100 times this. I had absolutely no confidence when I was younger and still have regrets over a couple of girls I would have given my left arm for but that I never asked out. One blew up spectacularly in my face because I wasn’t brave enough to ask her out.

Don’t give it a second thought. You asked her out, she said no. Move on, it genuinely is no big deal.

suicide_circus

in my day I was refused numbers, laughed at when asking and even given fake numbers. it's all part of it. fair play for having the guts to ask, you'll do fine.

Jurgen Klopp

Your better off having asked and been turned down cause you won't keep wondering what if in your head

I also say there's nothing wrong in feeling embarrassed/down over a rejection sure like with most men it's always a blow to teh old ego

Give it a few days to a week and you'll forget about it

osarusan

You tried, fair play. It didn't work out. Just try to carry on as usual and not let turn it into something uncomfortable between you.

Peatys

Fall down 7 times, get up 8 times

sbsquarepants

It's a numbers game OP (no pun intended) If they all said yes, life would be so damn great..... but unfortunately they don't.
Don't let it get you down, bounce on and chance your arm elsewhere!;)

368100

1874 wrote: »

<SNIP>

forget about, don't create any awkwardness and if you see her don't avid her, just smile and be civil, and she said no so that's her choice, be thankful she just said no and didn't complain.

Complain about what? Getting asked for her phone number?

1874

368100 wrote: »

Complain about what? Getting asked for her phone number?

Why dig that up at this point? the OP has asked and got replies. I think it's obvious what I said and what I meant.
As for the OPs query, it can be a tricky one to negotiate, asking someone from work out, maybe (not necessarily this case) but if a girl/woman is really attractive and she gets asked out all the time, she might get sick of it.
In a work setting there's the chance someone might complain, while Im sure many woman would be flattered, some might not and in this day and age, it adds a bit more complexity to things than just straight up asking someone in another social setting.
Now that I got that reply out of the way, as for your own query, why bother?
If you have an opinion on the OP why dont you offer some advice or something constructive, or are you just looking to stir the pot?

worded

forgodssake wrote: »

Regret what you don't do not what you do !

On arrival in heaven or hell which ever you end up in, you will be presented with a list of wimmins that fancied you but you didn’t habe the balls to ask out or you didn’t notice.

She won’t be on that list !

I found out three of the sexiest women in our school fancied myself and two friends. We found out when we left school :-( They flirted then but we were too shy to ask the out as we were goofy teenagers ...

I already know they are on my list

worded

As for dating work colleagues ....

I never let a career get in the way of a whirl wind romance ...

On your death bed will you recall the extra few months or years in a job or those absolute beauties you fell out of bed with in some local hotel near work the next day?

Forget her OP, but if possible stay away from the HR wimmins while eyeing up the rest of the lookers in the company. Then again you might like Russian Roulette for the thrill, I know I did

sbsquarepants

worded wrote: »

I found out three of the sexiest women in our school fancied myself and two friends. We found out when we left school :-( They flirted then but we were too shy to ask the out as we were goofy teenagers ...

Twice, once in school, once shortly afters maybe 19 or 20 years old I knocked the same girl back after she asked me out - this girl was the absolute pinnacle of beauty as far as I was concerned. I still picture her as one the worlds great natural beauties 25 years later.

Why did I do such a thing? Because I'm a fúcking twat, that's why - it's the only reason I can think of and I've wracked my brain for the reason, why would I possibly sabotage myself, not once but twice?

Must have gotten stage fright or something. Twice for god sake!!

Now that's a regret OP, chancing your arm and getting the brush off is merely a slight embarrassment.

In fact you're only to be commended for taking the chance!

1874

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Twice, once in school, once shortly afters maybe 19 or 20 years old I knocked the same girl back after she asked me out - this girl was the absolute pinnacle of beauty as far as I was concerned. I still picture her as one the worlds great natural beauties 25 years later.

Why did I do such a thing? Because I'm a fúcking twat, that's why - it's the only reason I can think of and I've wracked my brain for the reason, why would I possibly sabotage myself, not once but twice?

Must have gotten stage fright or something. Twice for god sake!!

Now that's a regret OP, chancing your arm and getting the brush off is merely a slight embarrassment.

In fact you're only to be commended for taking the chance!

You absolute moron :pac:

Id probably have done the same thing, in fact I think I did with a much younger woman, I didnt know what her objective was, but I was dating someone at the time, in hindsight I should have dumped the person I was with. I suppose I did the decent thing.

sbsquarepants

1874 wrote: »

You absolute moron :pac:

.

Couldn't agree with you more! 20 odd years later and it still actually haunts me.

This wasn't just some stranger, I fancied this girl like crazy, had done since primary school. I have no idea why I done it - just panic I suppose.

368100

1874 wrote: »

Why dig that up at this point? the OP has asked and got replies. I think it's obvious what I said and what I meant.
As for the OPs query, it can be a tricky one to negotiate, asking someone from work out, maybe (not necessarily this case) but if a girl/woman is really attractive and she gets asked out all the time, she might get sick of it.
In a work setting there's the chance someone might complain, while Im sure many woman would be flattered, some might not and in this day and age, it adds a bit more complexity to things than just straight up asking someone in another social setting.
Now that I got that reply out of the way, as for your own query, why bother?
If you have an opinion on the OP why dont you offer some advice or something constructive, or are you just looking to stir the pot?

Because you told the OP to be "thankful" she didnt complain...ridiculous!. In my opinion anyone who would complain about getting asked for a phone number has personal issues. It's the likes of your comments that has people afraid to say boo to anyone....#metoo gone mental.
If you post the likes of that, dont blame me for calling you out on it.

1874

368100 wrote: »

Because you told the OP to be "thankful" she didnt complain...ridiculous!. In my opinion anyone who would complain about getting asked for a phone number has personal issues. It's the likes of your comments that has people afraid to say boo to anyone....#metoo gone mental.
If you post the likes of that, dont blame me for calling you out on it.

I simply commented on the OPs post, and its not because I commented on it that people are afraid to ask people out, thats potentially a reality, its nothing to do with metoo, I have not followed that very significantly, but metoo I gather is from genuine cases of harassment.
I offered the OP constructive and positive advice, I think its ok that he asked, he did so, and thats fine, she said no, thats also ok, and if he is to see her during working hours, my advice is just act normal end of because the OP expressed some concerns about having interpreted the situation incorrectly. While asking someone out once should not illicit a complaint, it might as you dont know if someone is getting asked a lot by different people, they might be bothered by it.
Do you have some experience in the matter? where you rejected and complained against? your opinion of what someones personal issues are dont for count much with me, if thats your response to rejection or your opinion on it full stop.


You dont seem to have anything constructive or positive to add, you seem to be coming here for a nark looking for trouble.
What advice or positive input are you offering here? seems to be none.

sbsquarepants

1874 wrote: »

While asking someone out once should not illicit a complaint, it might as you dont know if someone is getting asked a lot by different people, they might be bothered by it.

Asking for someones phone number is perfectly fine, if they get on their high horse and complain that's really just down to them being an asshole.

There are worse problems to have than being so beautiful that people just can't stop asking you out. (I mean yea, it does annoy me, but I try suck it up and get on with life:D)

It's not like he was stalking her or harassing her, he asked her a question, there's absolutely no harm done, a little ego drain for him and a little boost for her - where's the issue?

1874

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Asking for someones phone number is perfectly fine, if they get on their high horse and complain that's really just down to them being an asshole.

There are worse problems to have than being so beautiful that people just can't stop asking you out. (I mean yea, it does annoy me, but I try suck it up and get on with life:D)

It's not like he was stalking her or harassing her, he asked her a question, there's absolutely no harm done, a little ego drain for him and a little boost for her - where's the issue?

exactly, I agree, I am commenting on in this day and age, you still need to be cautious in that regard, this other poster is just looking for an argument where none needs to exist it seems to me, looks like so they can get on their high horse about pulling someone up (ie me in this case) instead of offering something constructive to the OP or discussion they are going off on an argumentative tangent.

TheBoyConor

OP you're lucky in a sense. It is a very risky move to be dating somone you work with. If it all goes wrong you could end up with a very awkward situation and someone may potentially feel the best thing is to leave the job. It can affect performance and also possibly generate resentment in the workplace as you two would be seen as a clique.

I would never dream of getting with anyone in work. You just don't do it.

Tbh, you should also consider yourself lucky that she took it well and didn't make a complaint against you. That would stick.

Also, another reasonn i'd never hit on anyone in work is that I just think it would come across sleazy and she could tell everyone and they'd all think I was a slimey perv hitting on the girls in the office. Just no.

Lotus Flower

TheBoyConor wrote: »

OP you're lucky in a sense. It is a very risky move to be dating somone you work with. If it all goes wrong you could end up with a very awkward situation and someone may potentially feel the best thing is to leave the job. It can affect performance and also possibly generate resentment in the workplace as you two would be seen as a clique.

I would never dream of getting with anyone in work. You just don't do it.

Tbh, you should also consider yourself lucky that she took it well and didn't make a complaint against you. That would stick.

Also, another reasonn i'd never hit on anyone in work is that I just think it would come across sleazy and she could tell everyone and they'd all think I was a slimey perv hitting on the girls in the office. Just no.

That's a bit harsh, loads of people meet through work and there's nothing wrong with it. He asked for her number, nothing sleazy about that. OP, you took the risk, fair play. Best thing is to be normal and act like nothing happened. That way there won't be any awkwardness and it'll soon be forgotten about

sbsquarepants

TheBoyConor wrote: »

OP you're lucky in a sense. It is a very risky move to be dating somone you work with. If it all goes wrong you could end up with a very awkward situation and someone may potentially feel the best thing is to leave the job. It can affect performance and also possibly generate resentment in the workplace as you two would be seen as a clique.

I would never dream of getting with anyone in work. You just don't do it.

Tbh, you should also consider yourself lucky that she took it well and didn't make a complaint against you. That would stick.

Also, another reasonn i'd never hit on anyone in work is that I just think it would come across sleazy and she could tell everyone and they'd all think I was a slimey perv hitting on the girls in the office. Just no.

This is ridiculous - how is it any sleazier to hit on a girl you work with as opposed to one you meet somewhere else.

For men and women to get it on someone has to hit on someone somewhere at sometime, it's not sleazy it's nature!

I've chanced my arm with loads of girls I've worked with over the years, resulting in everything from steamy relationships to mildly bemused brush offs to outright cold rejection. Some of them have even hit on me, with a similar range of results. So be it, life moves on.

You spend more time in work than you do anywhere else, if you ask me it's one of the more likely areas that you'd possibly meet someone.

TheBoyConor

I wouldn't agree tbh. In my view work is work. It is a professional setting and not the time or place to be "putting your talk" on someone. It's unprofessional and could damage your reputation depending on how the woman perceives it.

woodchuck

Mod note:

Let's keep things on topic. This isn't the place to debate whether or not it's a good idea to ask out a work colleague - the OP has already done that. Please direct all advice to the OP based on their situation.

LegacyUser

well fortune favours the brave, he who dares wins etc. I asked a girl out last week over facebook, I had no other contact with her, we used to work together and I thought we had a connection on a work night out once. Well I was wrong! She just blanked me after I said hey do you wanna have a drink sometime. But I don't really care, I'm glad I asked so I wont have any regrets, I always fancied her but she's not interested, it's just nice to know that!
So who cares OP, just try and take these things in your stride, it's not that big a deal.

cannotlogin

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I wouldn't agree tbh. In my view work is work. It is a professional setting and not the time or place to be "putting your talk" on someone. It's unprofessional and could damage your reputation depending on how the woman perceives it.

I would have held this view for many years too. Then I fell for a colleague who was also single and we've made a go of it.

Life is far too short to prioritise work over love. It's far more difficult to find love than a new job if I ever needed to.

Some of the best couples I know met at work and some still work together.

368100

1874 wrote: »

I simply commented on the OPs post, and its not because I commented on it that people are afraid to ask people out, thats potentially a reality, its nothing to do with metoo, I have not followed that very significantly, but metoo I gather is from genuine cases of harassment.
I offered the OP constructive and positive advice, I think its ok that he asked, he did so, and thats fine, she said no, thats also ok, and if he is to see her during working hours, my advice is just act normal end of because the OP expressed some concerns about having interpreted the situation incorrectly. While asking someone out once should not illicit a complaint, it might as you dont know if someone is getting asked a lot by different people, they might be bothered by it.
Do you have some experience in the matter? where you rejected and complained against? your opinion of what someones personal issues are dont for count much with me, if thats your response to rejection or your opinion on it full stop.


You dont seem to have anything constructive or positive to add, you seem to be coming here for a nark looking for trouble.
What advice or positive input are you offering here? seems to be none.

And I simply commented on that Looking at it from the OP's point of view... by telling him he should be thankful she didnt complain is making out he did something wrong...which he didnt.

Maybe consider that before making baseless assumptions about my life and going on the attack. I'm not "looking for a nark"...but when I see a comment I disagree with I'll call it out...if this upsets you to this degree, boards isn't the place for you.

1874

368100 wrote: »

And I simply commented on that Looking at it from the OP's point of view... by telling him he should be thankful she didnt complain is making out he did something wrong...which he didnt.

Maybe consider that before making baseless assumptions about my life and going on the attack. I'm not "looking for a nark"...but when I see a comment I disagree with I'll call it out...if this upsets you to this degree, boards isn't the place for you.

yawn

wiggle16

Okay, I think we can safely say the OP has been sufficiently reassured at this stage.

I'm closing this thread as it keeps devolving into general discussion and I don't think there's anything more to be added.

1874 - one liners like that are not appropriate in PI. I'd kindly ask that you read the charter before posting again.

Thanks & grma all who posted. Best of luck in future OP.

Thread locked.