Why does he think that I don't have any flaws?

sky76

I'm a single woman who has asked this guy, a close friend of mine and is married, if he has ever thought of me as annoying. He's said that I never was to him. But, I remember times when I was annoying and I pointed it out to him with examples from the past, which are true. Yet, he still says that I'm not. He's even said that out of all of his friends, who are annoying or bother him, it's never been the case with me. He even sometimes talks about his wife to me and says that she even annoys him with the things that she does and he thinks that he annoys her at times. But, he has said some positive things about her as well. I can see how the annoyance levels can increase when you're around your spouse all of the time.

But then, he also believes that I don't think of him as annoying. I just said no. But, in reality, I kind of do. At least with one thing. He always copies my actions and words and it gets on my nerves at times, but I just try to ignore it because it's not a big deal.

I usually see him often (a few days within each week). But, it also just makes me wonder how he could see me as not being annoying at all when he hangs out with me, but when it comes to his friends, he finds them to be annoying. His friends and I hang out with him about the same amount of times.

Why does he think that I'm never annoying and thinks that others are annoying?

Flippyfloppy

But then, he also believes that I don't think of him as annoying. I just said no. But, in reality, I kind of do. At least with one thing.

Probably the same as yourself, he probably does find things about you irritating but what’s the point in saying it to your face.

joeguevara

Being annoying doesn’t mean you have flaws. It is strange why you are worried about why he thinks you are annoying and indeed have flaws. Is there an underlying reason? People don’t think as much about you as you think you think about yourself. Be happy he is your friend and likes you. If there is something else going on then you need to figure that out yourself rather than relying on a guy who is married and out of reach to verify your feeling of self worth.

wiggle16

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Gobo, lulu, secman, Augme, messy tessy,

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qwerty13

It sounds like to me as though you’re interpreting his ‘lack of annoyance’ with you as deeper feelings. Especially as you’re comparing that scenario to his wife irritating him sometimes.

My take is that he’s just being polite to you, and that you are way overthinking ‘what it means’

leggo

Yeah it'd be weird to tell a work colleague directly that they're annoying, even if they asked. It'd risk making your day awkward and uncomfortable when it doesn't need to be. I'm guessing, since you opened your post by stating your relationship status and mentioned his too when it wasn't specifically relevant to the question you're asking, that you're trying to figure out if there's a potential romance there. Well...he's married. So I'd suggest looking elsewhere.

This quote from Bukowski is always helpful when trying to figure out if you're in love with someone from work, I find...

The people are bored, they don't know what to do, so they play the office-romance game. Most of the time it means nothing but the passing of time. Sometimes they do manage to work off a screw or two on the side. But even then, it is just an offhand pasttime, like bowling or t.v. or a New Year's Eve party. You've got to understand that it doesn't mean anything and then you won't get hurt.

Dial Hard

This is one of the more bizarre posts we've seen in a while. Why on earth would you ask anyone, apparently apropos of nothing, whether they find you annoying???

And I'm really struggling to understand what difference it makes that you find him annoying.

What exactly was the point of that exercise, OP? I'm sure you had your reasons for asking but I'm kind of stumped as to what they might be.

wiggle16

Hi OP

Are you attracted to him, or do you think he is attracted to you?

KevinCavan

He probably wants to do the “no pants dance” with you.

Bigmac1euro

I think you like this guy OP.

And your looking for people’s reassurance that he might like you as well. - but there’s a good chance he doesn’t

The question says it all. “Why does he not find me annoying”
Expecting people to go - “because he’s in love with you”

Big Bag of Chips

I think it is very obvious that you are attracted to this man, and you are hoping that he is attracted to you. If you indeed are friends and spend time together, what would be gained by him telling you he finds you annoying? How would that sit with the friendship for the rest of your meeting on that occasion and what impact would it have on your friendship in the future?

However, if I had a friend who latched on to this topic and kept pushing me for answers on it THAT would annoy me! So although ordinarily you may not annoy him, going on about this almost certainly does... But he's being polite.

My husband annoys me sometimes. We are together almost 20 years. We live together 365 days of the year. My children annoy me sometimes. We live together 365 days of the year, and very often simply by doing things that children do, they annoy me. My friends, colleagues, acquaintances don't tend to annoy me (with exceptions.. There's always 1, or a few!) as I don't have the level of interaction with them as I do with my nearest and dearest. Just because my husband occasionally annoys me, and my work colleague doesn't, that doesn't mean anything negative in terms of my marriage. Indeed I'd question a marriage where the couple at no point ever annoy each other.

I think you are not being fully honest here, or maybe with yourself. He's married. Whether or not you annoy him is irrelevant. He's married. Stay away. Obsessing over married men rarely ends well. And funnily it is usually 'the other woman' who comes out worst and shouldering most of the blame/shame as the marriage very often survives.

Edit: by the way.. You lied to him about finding aspects of his behaviour annoying. So there is every chance he is also lying to you about aspects of your behaviour.

I'm sure he doesn't think you have no flaws. You're human, of course you have flaws. But that doesn't mean your flaws annoy him.. And the fact that your flaws don't annoy him doesn't mean he's in love with you.