Please help me with a life crisis

Emigrant17

Hi everyone
I'm new here, so apologies if I don't get the full grasp re posting rules etc.

I'm a 28 year old Irish guy. I qualified from UCD when I was 23 and haven't worked in Ireland since I graduated (mainly due to lack of opportunity). This was split into one year in the USA, 3 years in the UK and one year working part-time in the UK and living in Ireland part-time.

My current job in the UK, which I've had for 3 years, is extremely (can't stress this word enough) long hours and high-stress. The only reason I have stayed here is that I am working towards a qualification that I couldn't get if I quit. This qualification will give me a better quality of life afterwards. The downside of this job is that for the last 3 years I have been very unhappy, had zero life outside work and only am able to call my family to chat to them once a week because my hours are so long and the job makes me so grumpy- not because I don't want to call them, but I don't want them to know how unhappy I am

My line of work is extremely specialised. This means that in Ireland there is basically only one place I can work. I interviewed there a couple of months ago and didn't get the job sadly. I have a lot of friends in the UK, but am close to my family and would love to live a bit closer. Theres a big difference between living on the same island and the one next door. That said, I also have a sense of adventure and am still (relatively) young, so part of me wants to experience a bit more of the world (just a year more) before settling in Ireland long-term, which I hope to do.

Around the same time I applied for the Irish job, an advertisement came up for a job in Sydney. I applied and didn't think much of it, but last week I interviewed, and today I got offered the job. It is just for a year, pays well and would be really good for my future career. I wouldn't hesitate to accept it if it were in the UK. It would make going back to live in Ireland easier too, as I would have a really high chance of getting a job there with the Australian experience. It sounds like a great opportunity in so many ways, and I should be really happy. But there are a couple of things making me hesitate.

1. My parents. My dad is 61 and my mam is 57. They are both in good health, although my mam has back trouble for the past year that limits her mobility a lot. She has developed quite a lot of anxiety about that. I know she misses me a lot, and she cries whenever I head back on the plane to the UK. She tries not to do this in front of me, but sometimes she can't help it. When I told her I was interviewing for a job in Australia, her face fell. I know it would devastate her, me moving there. I fully intend to only go for a year, and would commit to at least 3 trips a year home (which is as much as I currently can do from the UK, with my current job) during that year, but it is more of a psychological thing for her, me being so far away, I think. I know she also fears I will stay there long term, although I know this is something I don't want for myself. I want to be in Europe long-term, ideally Ireland

2. My other relationships. I have moved around a lot in the last few years. I've made some really truely good friends, but due to all the moving and my business have lost touch with some in Ireland, and don't really have a "home" base anymore. Part of me just wants to settle somewhere and have a strong base of friends and social circle, but I cant do this in Ireland at the moment. The next best option in this regard would be to stay in the UK for now, but I may not get quite as good a job here, and don't know hoe Brexit will affect my earnings. I am single (chronically) and have a real hard time approaching girls (lack of confidence). There's a girl at work here in the UK I'm interested in, but can't figure out if she is interested in me or not. I know I should just ask her out, but now not sure if it is fair now for me to ask her, if I am going to be moving to Australia for a year. I also really want to move to Ireland afterwards and not sure if she would want to for her career. I know I am MASSIVELY overthinking this, but this not-even relationship is another thing holding me back. if I move to Australia, I think I will purposefully avoid a relationship so I don't get tied down, which I know is ridiculous. But then Ill be 30 and still a single man.

My head is all over the place right now. I know there is no right or wrong decision, and again it is only for one year so what the big deal eh? I just feel so torn, and feel so guilty for even considering the move, given I know I would upset my mam so much. I actually wish I never applied for this job, because I feel so torn. I can't believe I'm asking strangers on a forum about this, but would really really really appreciate an outside opinion on my situation, and what you would do if you were me? Please help me out.

fineso.mom

My daughter lives in Canada OP,, I miss her terribly but she is having a ball and loves what she does and where she is. So I get on with life and am happy that she is happy. I have a life too, between work, friends and hobbies I dont have time to be moping around missing her.
Your parents are not even at retirement age so its not like they need you to look after them . And they have each other. And its only a year...trust me , Im 50 next month, a year goes by very fast the older you get.
Australia sounds like a great opportunity, something that will increase your chances of getting a job in Ireland in the future.
Your mother is a grown up, tears are normal when someone is leaving and Im sure she isnt crying all the way home.
I would hate to think that any of my kids didnt take a great opportunity because they were afraid I'd miss them too much. Its your life OP, dont hold yourself back.

StinkyMunkey

You only get one chance at life, do what makes you happy and what your gut is telling you to do.

You sound very close to your mam, be sure to reinforce the fact it's only one year and you plan on coming back.

That being said, anything could happen in Australia, you could meet someone.

You obviously really fancy the girl you work with. Tell her your conundrum and gauge her reaction. Suggest a going away coffee/beer. If something happens, maybe it was meant to be and Australia wasn't.

There is no right or wrong answer, but there can always be what ifs and regrets.

Like I said, trust what your gut is telling you.

Good luck OP

wiggle16

fineso.mom wrote: »

My daughter lives in Canada OP,, I miss her terribly but she is having a ball and loves what she does and where she is. So I get on with life and am happy that she is happy. I have a life too, between work, friends and hobbies I dont have time to be moping around missing her.
Your parents are not even at retirement age so its not like they need you to look after them . And they have each other. And its only a year...trust me , Im 50 next month, a year goes by very fast the older you get.
Australia sounds like a great opportunity, something that will increase your chances of getting a job in Ireland in the future.
Your mother is a grown up, tears are normal when someone is leaving and Im sure she isnt crying all the way home.
I would hate to think that any of my kids didnt take a great opportunity because they were afraid I'd miss them too much. Its your life OP, dont hold yourself back.

Just wanted to +100 the above. It's brilliant advice and you need to take it into account whatever you decide to do.

Bigmac1euro

I’m only echoing other people here.
But tbh you should go with your gut.
And judging by you’re post.
Australia is your gut feeling.

babi-hrse

Your mother will be sad to see you go but she will be happy your following your dreams.
Your mother would be a lot unhappier if she thought she might have been the reason you didn't go.
Source sister in NZ and a mother who's always carrying on like that.

JustAThought

You sound very unhappy in the ukand as though you have little real quality of life.

Your parents are still young enough and will probably go for another 30 years.

Girls are smart - the one you fancy hasnt made a move or given any proper indication that she has a real interest or feelings for you. Dont throw this away on the chance a stranger who barely knows you might secretly be madly in love with you and hiding it under a cloak of ambiguity and disinterest.

Follow your dreams. Be brave. Britexit is changing everything. You may be left with nothing by next year if you stay.Sydney is a young, happy, busy city with great quality of life. Take this chance & spread your wings- live life, have an adventure and see what possibilities and happiness you can have again. Sure its a chance and its a plane ride away but you can skype your parents& how much happier will they all be if you are happy, challenged, fulfilled and living somewhete that has positivity, sparkle and a great quality of life instead of rainy britexit uk & being stressex, unfulfilled and livjng the life of an angst ridden grump with no hope .

Take your opportunity and date to be brave.it may not be offered to you ever again.

Noo

Fineso's advice is spot on.
Also you won't do three trips home in a year from Australia, trust me.

shesty

I am a parent, a few years older than you.


I'd hate to think that my kids missed out on opportunities because of me. I've taken my opportunities. Actually, I'm in the weird position of being one of the generation that heavily emigrated a few years ago due to the recession and are now starting to come back, yet being a parent myself now - I would say take what life throws at you. Having seen myself and my friends who basically lost jobs, careers, opportunities,everything (age 29/30) due to the recession, and chose to go - life does strange things. You have no ties as regards mortgages etc. now, and believe me once you do, those decisions are much harder to make.I could tell you so many stories about people who left, changed career, met partners, married, came back with lump sums to buy houses - everything - over the last 8 years or so. But the biggest thing they all did was make their chances and take them, even if it meant a leap of faith like Australia - and an equally big leap of faith to come back. You regret what you don't do, more than what you do.

Your mum will be sad of course, but it's your life - I'm pretty sure she didn't bring you into the world to hold you back. Just one thing though, if you take the role, will you still get the qualification you have been working towards?


Also don't worry about not getting the Irish job last time round. These things come and go and your chance will come.