What am I doing with my love life?!?!? Advice please....

Megwepz

Brief synopsis of me - single mother of 8 yr old, shares custody with son's father, single for 5 years, have dated but have always insisted on it being casual and non committal.

I grew close to a former co worker (call him A) while we were still working together and we began what was a purely sexual relationship at the start but developed into something more. The relationship lasted for about 12 months but again was quite casual in that we did not tell anyone we were seeing each other. He has 3 children from 2 previous relationships, the last of which finished just as we began seeing each other so it was easier all round, with work also, if we kept it to ourselves.

We are extremely alike. We both have undeniable issues and hang ups which stem from our not so ideal childhoods - anxiety, self esteem etc. etc. We are so compatible in a sexual way, similar sexual interests that maybe others might view of left of centre. We are both very driven professionally and love encouraging one another to keep pushing in our careers. Our children always come first in anything we do and we pride ourselves on being great parents.

Because of our chaotic schedules, his more so than mine, the relationship did not work and I finished things last Sept. There were other issues such as cancelling plans that we had made on numerous occasions and just generally not being very respectful of the limited free time that I have. We have stayed great friends, speak very regularly and have still always been there if the other has had a problem since we finished. We genuinely love and care for each other.

In the meantime, I have been seeing someone for 3 months (call him . He is younger than me by three years, works with me at my new workplace and we have been getting along really well. It is still a casual thing and we haven't told anyone because of the work aspect. He is very sweet and thoughtful, will contact me on a Sunday without fail to arrange dates for the following week and the one time he had to cancel, for very understandable reasons, he apologised profusely. We've been spending 2/3 nights a week together for the last 3 months (while my son is with his father), the sex has been fantastic and we really enjoy each others company.

Over the last number of weeks, A has met me on a few occasions and told me that he loves me, wants me in his life and that things will be different this time. His life has settled somewhat since we were together but I am still skeptical that he will have anymore time for me than he had before and that I will be left again feeling lonely, taken for granted and angry at him. He wants us to try again and I just don't know what to do. If it doesn't work this time I'm fearful we'll lose even the friendship we currently have.

Do I give up dating B, who I have great fun with, is very respectful and has given me a 'normal' dating experience that could possibly turn into something more serious to take a risk and try again with A? The question isn't even necessarily about B, more so, do I give up dating altogether, which I've been enjoying, to take the risk with A???

I know this seems trivial, but it's really playing on my mind as I don't want to hurt either person, or myself, and I can't agree to see either person until I know in my head what I'm doing.

Any advice is appreciated.

ChrissieH

I think it just boils down to which of the 2 guys you've got stronger feelings for.. with everything you've written down, it seems like B is a no-brainer but yet you're not sure, so does that mean that you have feelings for A?

From the outsider's perspective, B is the much better option because he's already proven that he is considerate, kind and reliable, the sex is good, he's 100% available to you and I presume he knows that you have a child and is cool with it, and I presume that he doesn't have any children, so he's much easier to make plans with than a man with 3 children & 2 exes to juggle.
While the anxiety & self-esteem issues that you mentioned have been a bonding experience for ye this far, it could very well be the rock that you perish on in the future; if jealousy or paranoia starts to creep in. You don't mention any such issues with B, so it might be a healthier relationship for you to flourish in.

If it helps, think of your son; if you do end up in a new relationship, which one do you think would be best for him; the one with 3 other kids around from time to time, or one where he's the only child.

heretothere

I agree B sounds on paper to be the better option. But if you think you will be pining after A will it be fair on B?

I know you're worried you might end up alone again and you might, with either guy. What's to say that A doesn't decide to get back with his ex's or that B doesn't meet someone else? You don't know the future you can only decide on what you feel now, uncertainty and all.

Megwepz

Thanks so much for both of your responses. I was really afraid that I'd get comments about this being a stupid problem to be fretting over so I really appreciate both of your genuine advice.

I think I can say that I have stronger feelings or more feelings for A - we went through a lot together (I lost my best friend and father last year) and shared a lot with each other in the last 12ish months and I know that I fell in love with him. I know I still love him but the intensity of that love is not there right now, not to say that it might not come back were we to try again. But I do agree with you @ChrissieH in that the issues we shared and bonded over could very well be our downfall in the future. He has shown jealous traits in the past, particularly when it came to my male friends and one of my fears right now is that he is saying these things out of jealousy as he knows that I am seeing someone else. I have put this to him and his response was that he wanted to try again now before it became serious with B and it was too late.

Our lives would definitely be complicated with 4 children and 3 exes between us to juggle. I've never wanted to introduce my son to anyone because I would be afraid of how he would feel. I'm sure if I were to add all of A's children into the mix it could just be too much for him to handle - he already lives with his father, his GF, her daughter and their new baby so I've prided myself on providing the calm and constant home!

B and I have not had a serious conversation about where we see us going, which is nice in a way as there is no pressure. Do you think I should talk to him and gauge how he feels about us? I am really afraid of hurting his feelings by ending things with him as he's been so lovely to me but if he feels that this is just a bit of fun and will never be serious it might make the decision a bit easier?

I'm not that afraid of ending up alone really as I've been on my own a long time and am happy in my own company. I think my big fear is that I give it another go with A and it all falls apart again down the line and I'm left feeling heartbroken and stupid and we lose our friendship completely.

heretothere

A doesn't sound great tbh. If you're worried he's only interested now there is competition I'd listen to your gut. It doesn't sound very good. With out knowing you or the real ins and outs I'd be saying don't go back to A it sounds like it will end badly from what you're saying. If that means you do or don't stay with b is a different question

Yellow pack crisps

Do you trust A? Trust what he is saying? If you do then there is your answer. You’re obviously in love with A, still, so it would be unfair to pick B just because the odds are less that he will hurt you. Either one might not work out long term, at least with the one you really want to be with you might have better odds

Megwepz

Thank you all for your replies - I think trust is the big issue. While I genuinely love him deeply, I don't think I trust him not to hurt or neglect me again and that scares me. It's almost not his fault most of the time, I know he loves me but as he is a wonderful father and incredibly good at what he does in his career, and only getting better, I know that he needs to prioritize work and his children at this time in his life. I completely understand that, I do the same but I just have less work commitments and less children!

Maybe right now just isn't the time for us to give it another go. Once our children are a little older and our careers have stabilized it may be easier for him to make more time for me in his life. I know it might break my heart if I see him move on with someone else in the interim but hopefully if we are genuinely right for each other then the right time will come along. And I think this is exactly the conversation I will have with him.

Thank you all again for taking the time to advise me on my trivial issue - 1st world problem for sure!

Yellow pack crisps

Megwepz wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies - I think trust is the big issue. While I genuinely love him deeply, I don't think I trust him not to hurt or neglect me again and that scares me. It's almost not his fault most of the time, I know he loves me but as he is a wonderful father and incredibly good at what he does in his career, and only getting better, I know that he needs to prioritize work and his children at this time in his life. I completely understand that, I do the same but I just have less work commitments and less children!

Maybe right now just isn't the time for us to give it another go. Once our children are a little older and our careers have stabilized it may be easier for him to make more time for me in his life. I know it might break my heart if I see him move on with someone else in the interim but hopefully if we are genuinely right for each other then the right time will come along. And I think this is exactly the conversation I will have with him.

Thank you all again for taking the time to advise me on my trivial issue - 1st world problem for sure!

You are deep in love with him and yet you are giving up? Makes no sense. You could get hurt by anyone, it’s part of life. Why not before you end it have a conversation about what you want and what boundaries you want. Ask him for honesty and make an informed decision then. You might be giving up on something great. Don’t let your insecurities rule your heart.

zapper55

Ah I dont know. Surely if he was mad about you he'd make a go of it properly. This all sounds a bit half arsed.

As for guy b, I think you'll keep harbouring a torch for a. And b doesnt deserve that. You are better with neither of them at the moment I think.

joeguevara

It is possible that neither A and B are right. Firstly if You are thinking about A while with B then it is not ticking all the boxes. Also with A while it may look exciting ye broke up for a reason and people can put their best foot forward while chasing someone but may revert to type.

There is a third option. Be with neither and meet someone without baggage that you can build something new and without the drama.

qwerty13

What has ‘A’ committed to doing that makes anything different from before?

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah it does sound like A is back sniffing around because B is on the scene. Your relationship with him seems to have been passionate in that it had strong feelings (can you say you were in love with him, if you were just keeping it casual?!) but you mention that there were jealousy issues too with male friends. I think life with A is unpredictable and has a sense of excitement about it. But that can wear thin after a while, which it did. How has he drastically changed, or how have his circumstances changed to the point he can assure you it will all be different and more stable this time round? Is he less jealous? Has he less children?! Have his work commitments lessened?

I think he's back because he got wind of you moving on. I don't think things will be any different this time round, at least not in the long term anyway.

But, in saying that if you are determined to keep things casual, just go into it with caution. Don't depend on him. If you two are not official and not telling people then you effectively are a secret that he can't tell his ex about, can't tell his children about, can't introduce you to his family. So in that sense you will be let down when something comes up with them. Rather than brought along and included.


If you're looking for more than casual then you need to be upfront about that. If you want casual then things will regularly change last minute.

bucketybuck

My sympathy here is with B, who is clearly just an afterthought in all of this.

Megwepz

Thanks so much for all of your replies - it's definitely helping to straighten things out in my head.

I really don't see what has changed in A's life so much that he could promise me that things would be different. He does not have less work commitments, he obviously does not have less children and he does not appear to be less jealous (having made comments about the person I am seeing, he does not actually know who B is but is aware I have been seeing someone.) I think he would really like for us to work but I believe that this profession of love and wanting to try again now is purely driven by maybe jealousy/regret and that even if he wanted it to be different, his circumstances would not allow it.

I've done the casual thing with A and towards the end of our relationship I had told him that I needed/wanted more and it ended because he just couldn't give it.

Yellow Pack Crisps - I understand what you're saying and maybe I am just not that romantic a person but I do believe that love is not everything. Compatibility in the usual day to day life stuff is vital if a relationship is going to work. It's also more complicated when there are children involved. I cannot simply follow my heart because I feel love for this man if I think he is going to let me down or hurt me down the line. Not only do I think I deserve more but my son deserves more than to potentially see his Mum heartbroken because she chose to follow her emotions and not her common sense.

Bucketybuck - please don't feel sympathy for B, he is very far from an afterthought and very much to the fore of my thoughts in all of this as well as in my day to day life, I think about him and how I could brighten his day all the time. I try my very best to be just as kind, thoughtful, fun and affectionate with him as he is with me. Spending time with him has been a big highlight in these last few months and I have not dated anyone else since the first week we kissed. When I am with him my attention is solely on him and I don't find my mind wandering to thoughts of A.

I think B is what has made this situation so complex in my mind. If I had not been dating anyone right now, I would be more likely to give A and I one more shot because of what we shared previously, but I guess B has shown me what it is like to have a kind, funny, thoughtful man in my life that actually wants and is able to spend time with me. And... it may not work out with B at all but I guess I can see how nice it can feel to have somebody more available and enthusiastic about spending time with me in my life.

Idle Passerby

A good rule of thumb is, if you find yourself unable to choose between two romantic interests the answer is choose neither. You arent interested enough in either one of them if there is no clear winner.

KrustyUCC

Hmmm so we have A who nothing has changed for since ye broke up bar him wanting you back

Same amount of children, same amount of exes, roughly same amount of work which actually could increase as he progresses in his career. Ye broke up as he couldn't find enough time for you, was flakey on your time. Is known to have been jealous. You told him that you needed/wanted more and it ended because he just couldn't give it.

Yet it def reads as if you would be with A in the morning if he found more time for you despite you not having trust that he could do that

Your 'friendship' with A ended when he wanted you back romantically. Also you don't want him to find someone else.

B is an afterthought in this. All about A and You. "The question isn't even necessarily about B, more so, do I give up dating altogether, which I've been enjoying, to take the risk with A??? "

He is the complete opposite to A. He hardly ever cancels plans, spends 2/3 nights a week with you after 3 months, has been a big highlight in these last few months, is considerate, kind and reliable, the sex is good, he's 100% available to you

How do you make progress with B if you are even considering going back to A, have thoughts of you and A being together at a future date in time or haven't at least seen if B wants to make it more serious? Do you even want more with B when you are so fixated on A?

Very unfair on him

You def need to let him go asap and it still may not be right for you to be with A. It might work out but unless things have really changed ye are exes for a reason

Megwepz

KrustyUCC wrote: »

Hmmm so we have A who nothing has changed for since ye broke up bar him wanting you back

Same amount of children, same amount of exes, roughly same amount of work which actually could increase as he progresses in his career. Ye broke up as he couldn't find enough time for you, was flakey on your time. Is known to have been jealous. You told him that you needed/wanted more and it ended because he just couldn't give it.

Yet it def reads as if you would be with A in the morning if he found more time for you despite you not having trust that he could do that

All of the above is correct bar the final line. The reason I would not be with him in the morning is due to the lack of trust I have that he would find the time for me, hence my mental dilemma.

KrustyUCC wrote: »

B is an afterthought in this. All about A and You. "The question isn't even necessarily about B, more so, do I give up dating altogether, which I've been enjoying, to take the risk with A??? "

I guess the reason I say this is because it is very early days with B, he may not be developing the same feelings for me that I am for him and he could end it all next week for as much as I know. For that reason I chose to consider giving up dating in it's totality.

KrustyUCC wrote: »

He is the complete opposite to A. He hardly ever cancels plans, spends 2/3 nights a week with you after 3 months, has been a big highlight in these last few months, is considerate, kind and reliable, the sex is good, he's 100% available to you

Correct and right again, and the more I discuss it here in this forum and re-read the things I have written about him the more I appreciate how really lovely he is, not that I didn't appreciate this before. I really am very lucky to have gotten to know him.

KrustyUCC wrote: »

How do you make progress with B if you are even considering going back to A, have thoughts of you and A being together at a future date in time or haven't at least seen if B wants to make it more serious? Do you even want more with B when you are so fixated on A?

Again, your comment above is correct. I know that nothing will progress with B unless I make this decision in my own head now and move on - that is if B would like for things to progress which I'm still not sure is the case. I guess an honest conversation about this with him would be helpful.

KrustyUCC wrote: »

Very unfair on him

I'm not sure I fully agree with this comment. Dating is not something I do on the regular, in fact it's really not something I've done very much of at all. But I do think that it is early days with B and from what I am aware, it is fairly commonplace for people to date a number of people at the one time in the very early days to see which, if any, potential partner would be the best fit? Granted, on this occasion the other person in the picture is an ex of mine as opposed to a new interest but I'm failing to see how I have been unfair to B. I have not slept with anyone/ dated anyone since we began seeing us each other (incl my ex) and believe I have treated him with the same affection and attention that he has given me. It's unfortunate that my head has been a little wrecked with the 'What Ifs' that my ex has conjured up but I do think I've pretty much settled my thoughts on these 'What Ifs' following the conversation/advice/questions in this thread.

KrustyUCC wrote: »

You def need to let him go asap and it still may not be right for you to be with A. It might work out but unless things have really changed ye are exes for a reason

To be honest, I don't think it will be right with A, the discussion here has really hammered home the fact that, really, nothing has changed in his life and he won't be able to keep the promises he is making. I will have this conversation with him in the coming days and put the matter to bed in my own head and move on. I'm really not sure that I must let go of B though? I have done nothing to hurt or disrespect him. The only thing I have done is have an emotional dilemma for a short period of time which I think I have figured out with the kind help of you all. However, I do think I need to have a discussion with him about what 'we' are to him at this stage. I guess I haven't wanted to do that thus far because we were having fun getting to know each other and I didn't want to rush things or attempt make things serious/official. I'd imagine that this would be a bit of a turn off to most so early in the day and to be honest, the thought of a serious relationship makes me slightly nervous as I've not really had the best of experiences in this department and have been very hurt by past partners. But 3 months would be an appropriate time to have this conversation right? Genuine question btw, as I say, I really don't do this dating thing very much....

bucketybuck

3 months isn't long in terms of making serious commitments, but its certainly long enough to make a call on whether you want to be in a relationship or not.

But 3 months into your relationship with B you are not on here asking what you should do about him, you are asking for personal advice about a totally different guy altogether, an ex that your words make clear you would definitely choose if you thought it would work out. And thats the truth, if you felt you could trust A you would drop B like a hot potato tomorrow.

The only reason B isn't hurt by this is because he doesn't know about it.

ChrissieH

Hi Megwepz

I just wanted to throw my last tuppence worth into the discussion because I agree with everything you said in your last post and I'm baffled about why people are starting to focus on defending B now when I thought the purpose of posting your problems on boards was to get advice for yourself?? I don't think it's reasonable to assume that the only reason B isn't hurt by this is because he doesn't know about it .. none of us have a clue what's going on in his mind because he hasn't posted here looking for advice, for all we know, he might be secretly planning to emigrate or get back with his ex so I don't get why the chat is now turning towards defending him...
Jesus even in the longest-term relationships, people are entitled to the privacy of their own thought processes and fantasies, as long as they don't act on them, then it's hardly fair to vilify someone for having a bit of a dilemma about 2 love interests, given that there's nobody married or engaged or even living together in this scenario??

Anyway, I just wanted to say to you, OP, that I think it's totally fair for you to have had your head turned by A's sudden reignited interest - you were seeing him for a year and you had passion and feelings for him, so the fact that he's now turned up promising you the sun, moon and stars is bound to rock you a little bit. Jesus like you're not a saint or a robot - we don't just break up from a relationship, cancel all our feelings and neatly move on to the next with 100% commitment and investment - it's ridiculous for people to be suggesting that after 3 months with B, you should be more committed to him - 3 months is nothing!! We're not teenagers!! OK, if 2 people are lucky enough to meet someone that you fall mutually madly in love with, then 3 months is substantial but come on guys, be realistic!!
Everyone commits to relationships at different stages for that reason - some people get feelings immediately, some don't - that's just life.

I think you've done exactly the right thing by considering both options, talking it out and seeing things in black and white. You seem to have settled things a bit more in your mind about A's true motives & the likelihood of things falling apart again if you were to give him another chance, so now you're a bit more free to think about how you really feel about B, you can move on with that thought process and give it the attention it needs. You may find yourself appreciating everything about B a bit more now that you've aired it all out here, or you may find that he's just not really the full package that you need, but best of luck with it all and fair play to you for going about it all in a measured and pragmatic way!

bucketybuck

ChrissieH wrote: »

it's ridiculous for people to be suggesting that after 3 months with B, you should be more committed to him

No, after 3 months she should be more honest with him. A very different thing.

Megwepz

ChrissieH thank you so much for your last post, I was beginning to feel slightly set upon! I really appreciate your sound advice and how clearly you phrase everything.

I don't really think I have done anything wrong here. I've given B my undivided emotional and sexual attention for the last three months and as you say, A turned my head slightly with his sudden profession of love and promise of commitment. A helped me cope with two very upsetting bereavements last year as well as a change in job and a number of other life events. We were extremely close and at one point in time I did see a future for us together so I think it's understandable, and respectful to A, that I would consider seriously the promises that he has made recently. However, I have definitely made up my mind about what I am to do about this situation as I feel the long and the short is that he is making promises he can't keep as a result of the jealousy he feels from hearing I have been seeing someone else.

Bucketybuck - I appreciate your concern for B and I understand why you have made some of the comments that you have made. Up until this time B and I have just been having fun spending time with each other. I am a single mother with a busy career and, whether I like it or not, I'm sure a lot of men would not want to have to make a decision about having a serious relationship with me and taking on what they might perceive as my 'baggage'... particularly after only 3 months. He is a man younger than me with very few responsibilities in life and as such this would be a big decision for him I'm sure.

As for being honest with him - How exactly do you suggest I be honest with him about this particular situation? Do you suggest I tell him that A has come to me proclaiming his love and promising the earth? What would this achieve other than making him feel insecure or maybe pressured to either pour his heart out and tell me that he wants to have a serious relationship with me, possibly before he is ready to actually do so?...Or for him to end the relationship as it stands?

KrustyUCC

Great that you seem to be making progress OP

First thing is to deal with B. Have the conversation about being more serious than casual. Def not too soon after three months and seeing each other 2/3 times a week. Sure he he could end it all next week for as much as you know but I doubt that will happen. At least you will know where you stand at the end anyway

Then talk to A. It might mean losing him altogether as he wants more from you than friendship but so be it. You now realize "he is making promises he can't keep as a result of the jealousy he feels from hearing I have been seeing someone else".

Muckka

A sound's like myself a few years ago, he's always twoing and frowing, appearing and dissapearing.

Guy's like that are always fun to be around exciting and interesting, but from my experience of twoing and frowing from women I'd suggest B or just take a break.

We tend to reappear when someone is happy with their lot, then get cold feet again and leave you wondering what the hell was that all about...

I got some therapy for my lack of lustre and it helped me.
I had to go back and say sorry to a few women because they didn't deserve it.

Being a bit of a player wasn't a nice way to be, it came back to bite me.

Just be wary of men who come back like that.
They're usually totally confused More than likely damaged from hurt from before and run when it gets to much to handle...

Good luck with it.

H8GHOTI

KrustyUCC wrote: »

....Then talk to A. It might mean losing him altogether as he wants more from you than friendship....

I think in this situation all contact should be cut with A. Don’t see how you could be in a relationship with B and be “just friends” with A.

Imagine telling B you were going to meet up with your ex for a drink. “Don’t worry babe, I’m just going meeting that other guy I’m in love with & he wants us to be together but there’s nothing going on”.

tara73

agree with ChrissieH posts 100%.

And I don't get people suggesting having the talk with B about the seriousness of the relationship. why the pressure? I mean, do it, if you want it but from your posts I get you really like the easyness and lightness of your time with B. Why not just enjoy it?
And if he's serious about you and the relationship he will or should be able to initiate 'the talk' also.

but I really think 'the talk' with A is vital. As already mentioned many times, he just seems to want you back because he's seeing you're moving on. Not a nice character trait and tells you a lot about him and his (not so great) respect towards you.

I don't think it's possible to stay friends with A, his jealousy behaviour is causing you this mind-trouble. He's preventing you from moving on as obvious laid out here.

I would advice to tell him you don't want any contact anymore.

Megwepz

First time I have posted PI here and now I understand why so many people do - thanks to everyone for your advice. This thread has definitely allowed me straighten all this out in my head. Most advice I got IRL was to give A another shot but will meet A in the next few days and tell him I'm just not willing to give it another go. It won't be possible to stop seeing him completely due to work circles but will keep contact outside of that minimal. And thanks Tara73 for your advice and I will just relax with B and see where it goes at it's own pace with no pressure or drama :-)
Thanks again everyone x

Megwepz

Have seen a few update posts from other posters and I love the updates so thought I'd post my own after a weird experience today!

So... I had the talk with A that I said I would, told him that I couldn't trust or believe the promises he was making and that us reconciling will not happen. He contacted me regularly after this but I ignored most and the contact has now stopped unless it's a work thing.

I was at work today and had to meet a girl from another business in the same industry as we're working on a project together. At one point I mentioned possibly including A in an aspect of the project (he's great at what he does professionally) and she vehemently refused. Then confided in me that she had been seeing him and that he had completely broken her heart, promising her the earth, they would spend the rest of their lives together then messing her around, cancelling on her and just plain disrespectful behaviour and actions..blah, blah, blah! I'm honestly still a bit shook after listening to this girl explain all of the things I had put up with. I actually just feel sorry and pity for A, no one can be truly happy messing people around like this surely?

On the positive... things with B are awesome! I actually ended up telling him about A, he totally understood and told me a couple of minor misgivings on his part that I really appreciated as it wiped the slate completely clean, we haven't have the big 'commitment' chat as it hasn't been necessary, we've told each other how much we care about and appreciate each other and we're just really enjoying being in each other's company, getting closer and making fun plans together.... I think I adore him more every week!

So thank you to all for the advice and helping me get my thoughts straight on the whole thing, this place is awesome x

blarb

Delighted to hear your update OP! I only read the thread now and glad to hear things are going so well with B! Sounds like A def has issues to sort out....

Hope you and B continue to enjoy what sounds like a happy and healthy relationship

okiss

You did the right thing not getting back with A. You had given him several chances in the past but nothing changed from his side. Now a few months later you found out from a work colleague just what A is really like.
I am sure your glad now after hearing this about him and the fact that your happy with B.
I watched a friend of mine in a similar position to you a few years ago. She was with a man who was blowing hot and cold. She decided to give him a final chance and asked him to meet her. He sent her a text a hour before to say I can't meet you due to X,y.
My friend decided that's it I am not trying anymore to have a relationship with him.

Within 6 months of this she heard though someone they both know that his gf - the woman he turned her down for - was pregnant. She has since found out that they have split up and he is in some financial trouble. My friend saw a photo of him recently and realized that she had a lucky escape when he let her down for the last time.

My friend had got a inheritance from a relative just before she asked to meet him. He also had no idea that her family are comfortably off. In time she will get a six figure inheritance. If he had treated my friend properly they would have ended up living mortgage free in one of Dublin's most exclusive areas.

WIZWEB

Megwepz wrote: »

..... I actually just feel sorry and pity for A, no one can be truly happy messing people around like this surely?....

'A' sounds like a narcissist from the games he was playing on you and the next 'victim'. Both survivors now. His kind are only interested in attention. They only care about themselves and selfish needs. His unavailability most likely while he was off grooming others. He tried to 'love-bomb' you but you saw through it. Eventually the next target did too. Unfortunately more will/are suffering. Not your concern as empathetic as you are. Enjoy your freedom from the drama and your time with 'B'.