Am I overreacting?

LegacyUser

My gf texted me the other day that she was meeting a male friend of hers for coffee. I thought nothing of it at the time. However later that night I clicked on Facebook on my laptop and her account was still logged in. On her messenger there were messages she had sent from earlier that day saying thanks for a great day with about five lover hearts. There were also pictures he had sent her of food and she sent back five of those licking lips emojis. She’s only known the him a couple of months and we’ve been together for years. They know each other from a singing class they do together. I clicked on his instagram and noticed she is his only follower and they both have liked all of each other photos. I asked her about him and if she was into him. Her response was he’s not the sexual type and if he was attracted to her he probably wouldn’t tell her?? We’re both in our late 20s I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or being a little immature especially with all the cyber stuff? Things haven’t been great for the past few months and I’m worried that this could be the beginning of the end.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you trust her or you don't. There is not really much grey area there. Has she done things in the past that caused you to lose trust?

snooping on her messenger account (which IMO is very bad form) will only cause you more doubt, and damage your already ailing relationship.
She has chosen to be with you. Accept that, Take proactive small steps to improve the relationship and re-commit to the relationship.

Ursus Horribilis

Why haven't things been great between you and have you tried to make things better?

Keyzer

I'd be worried about this type of behaviour - in my (perhaps old-fashioned) mind, you don't carry on like this when you are in a long term relationship.

You need to deal with the issue head on.

klm1

Confused.. wrote: »

Things haven’t been great for the past few months and I’m worried that this could be the beginning of the end.

In your own words, Thing's haven't been great for the past few months.

If this is the case, if you're feeling it, then this relationship isn't giving you what you want from it, it isn't making you happy. Why be afraid that it's the beginning of the end? Would you not be better off finding a relationship where things are right?

Many years ago I was with a girl and things weren't going well, I remember now considering breaking up with her many times. But then we had an incident that blew up, had a huge argument in which things were said, and she dumped me. Despite my previous thoughts of wanting to break up with her, my ego took a hit and she was suddenly the only person in the world I wanted. I wasted a lot of time in my life looking back at that relationship and thinking of what could have been when I should have just realised it wasn't right for me and moved on.

I'm not saying that's exactly your situation, but maybe this isn't the right relationship for you either?

I'm sure it's a tough time for you right now, I hope you get it sorted either way.

SoundsRight

Your girlfriend went on a date with another man, so no, you're not overreacting. She may defend herself by saying it's only coffee etc. but if you're in a LTR with someone, you don't meet up with members of the opposite sex You need to tell her that her behaviour is unreasonable, and you're not looking for an open relationship.

LegacyUser

SoundsRight wrote: »

if you're in a LTR with someone, you don't meet up with members of the opposite sex

Rubbish I'm married and I meet up with male friends all the time.

If you want to find issues OP you'll find them as you said the relationship is having issues before this issue. no matter what is said or done you will read into it how you want so it's a waste of time asking strangers on the internet for opinions on this situation as we all come from different view points. I've lots of male friends, my OH has lots of female friends, I've never had any issues with this at all but I trust my OH and he trusts me, if you don't trust your OH then thats an issue with your relationship you need to either speak about or decide is not fixable and walk away.

skallywag

can't log in wrote: »

Rubbish I'm married and I meet up with male friends all the time

Agree completely with the above.

That said, the multiple love hearts in the 'nice to see you today message' would also piss me off, it's a definite Red Flag in my book :mad:

dar100

skallywag wrote: »

Agree completely with the above.

That said, the multiple love hearts in the 'nice to see you today message' would also piss me off, it's a definite Red Flag in my book :mad:

This, defiantly this, outside of everything else

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

Agree completely with the above.

That said, the multiple love hearts in the 'nice to see you today message' would also piss me off, it's a definite Red Flag in my book :mad:

It depends on how she uses emojis in general. If she never uses them then yes its odd to use them but if she adds them to everything than its more of a habit than a red flag.

Keyzer

can't log in wrote: »

Rubbish I'm married and I meet up with male friends all the time.

Are these old friends of the opposite sex or people you've met in the last couple of weeks/months? There's a huge difference.

I'd have no issue with my OH meeting an old friend of the opp sex but would have an issue with her meeting someone for coffee that she barely knew.

Muckka

Happens to the best of us in our 20's

If you over react, you'll get her on the defensive.
If you say nothing you'll more than likely have it running through your mind.

Either way you'll be worried.

I cannot suggest anything other than follow your gut.

LegacyUser

Keyzer wrote: »

Are these old friends of the opposite sex or people you've met in the last couple of weeks/months? There's a huge difference.

I'd have no issue with my OH meeting an old friend of the opp sex but would have an issue with her meeting someone for coffee that she barely knew.

Both old and new friends but then I'm an adult in an adult relationship with a partner who I trust and who trusts me. I started taking Spanish lessons last year and made friends with several friends in the class including some men and I arranged to go see Spanish films together with one of them. I'm sure there are several folks here who think a married woman going to the cinema with a man whose not her husband is screaming inappropriate but that's their view point, certainly not mine.

The Op said his relationship has been having issues before this so they are going to see what they want to see with any situation. He needs to talk to his partner, no relationship will last if your not able to talk to each other.

skallywag

can't log in wrote: »

It depends on how she uses emojis in general. If she never uses them then yes its odd to use them but if she adds them to everything than its more of a habit than a red flag.

I would agree with you if she was a teenager, but she's in her late 20s.

Putting hearts after a 'it was nice to see you message' to someone of the opposite sex, who one doesn't know well, sent from someone approaching 30, is pretty damn bizarre if you ask me, unless there is a meaning associated with said hearts.

facehugger99

Base on what you've posted;

There's a 40% chance she's already fcuking him.

A 40% chance that she's seriously considering fcuking him.

20% chance it's all platonic and above board.

I don't like the odds. I think you need to continue a covert surveillance.