Lonely

LegacyUser

Things just feel like they've gotten too much. I'm feeling like this is it and nothing is going to change.

I'm in my early twenties, graduated college recently with a 1.1 and now I'm working in a minimum wage hospitality job because I've zero confidence in my abilities.

I'm gay and have made a lot of progress in accepting that but it still haunts me every so often and I'd wish nothing more than to be straight. I'm in full on love with my straight best friend and I've had these feelings for well over a year now but its never going to happen.

I feel like I'm stupid, like everyone else is more capable than I am. I've zero family support so I'm essentially on my own saving as much as I can from what I earn so that I have some security blanket should things go wrong at some stage.

I feel so alone in the world and that sounds so dramatic but it's exactly how I feel. I'm here for ages trying to sleep but I can't I just keep thinking about how alone I am. I have friends and one very close friend but it's not enough. My friends all have their own lives and I doubt any of them really care what's going on in my life apart from that one friend I'm in love with.

I don't know any gay people and grindr is just making me hate myself even more because I want more than just casual sex, I want someone to care about me.

I just don't know where my life is going. I'm just this one person who really doesn't have that much of a tie to anywhere like if i just upped sticks and moved to a different county I don't think that many people would care or even notice for a while.

I'm tired of being alone but I don't see it changing. Where I live is reasonably big but there's still nothing going on where I could meet other gay people. I really have tried out of sheer loneliness and sadness but there is nothing other than grindr.

I'm just ranting now out of sheer frustration. I don't know what to do the loneliness is starting to feel like a physical pain even though its not.

I don't know what to do

Sorry about that

Hi op, the first thing that jumps out of your post is that you most certainly are not stupid. Well done on your fantastic academic achievements, and for getting stuck into a job, albeit one that isn’t everything you wish for. You’re hardworking, forward thinking and very articulate. You’re also very young.

You deserve to find love, but you’re being so hard on yourself, it may be an idea to fall a bit in love with yourself first.

To be able to do this, you might get a little help from a good counsellor. Yes it is totally possible to change your feelings about yourself from negative to positive. You are intelligent and know this is true; you’ve already taken the first step by telling your story. Believe me, you are loved by your family and friends, you just need a nudge to feel the same way about yourself too.

And I’m pretty sure we’ve all experienced unrequited love- yes it’s a dose, but you’ll be ok.

Don't let your sexuality define you.

But you should just go to some gay bars and clubs alone and chat to people. I've been to plenty with gay friends and it's honestly the easiest place in the world to meet cool people. They all know your struggle and while you feel alone now, you're not.

As for your friend, you need to somehow forget that love. But realistically, it has nothing to do with being gay. Straight people fall in love with friends all the time so it's not just you. We all have to accept some things can't happen.

JustAThought

Have you tried outhouse or popping into the George for sunday bingo? They both are really inclusive and a good way to get chatting to friendly people who you might click with or meet someone through? GCN also often has listings of things & events going on that might interest you. It sounds like you want and deserve a lot more than Grindr will ever give and there are lovely inclusive welcoming gay communities where you will meet great people and maybe find s circle of new friends or soulmaye if you find the courage to give it a try.

antix80

Having a 1.1 degree isn't an ability. If your only reason for finishing a degree was to get a high result and earn a high wage, well sadly you may never see the high wage-and would you be happy even if you did?

You need to have a proper plan. Take steps to become more confident and get into a routine so your life isn't revolving around work and grindr. It might not be a bad idea to delete that app for a month.

Minimum wage isn't necessarily terrible, especially for a young person without obligations. Saving while on minimum wage can be a miserable experience because you're trading some of the (potentially) best years of you life for a few measly euros after bills have been paid.
Start enjoying your money. Don't squander it on booze or retail therapy. Use a good chunk of it on hobbies.

Going abroad for a while can help. Gay people often do better in bigger cities and you'll have a chance to reinvent yourself. A working holiday visa can also give you a chance to get into an area relevant to your degree or interests. On the downside, you could blow a lot of money trying to set up and arrive home penniless. But you only regret the things you don't do so don't worry about that too much.

Not sure what to say about you and your close friend. It wouldn't be the end of the world if you told him, if you thought that might help you work through your feelings. Obviously, it could make things weird and he might become a bit distant to avoid you. Or you might have a decent chat about it.

I think mainly you need someone to talk to. I'm sure writing about your feelings and getting these replies helps. But look up a cheap counselling service in your area, perhaps with student counsellors.