Lying spouse

LegacyUser

I've been having an on going issue with my spouse where I am told lies. There have been big things in the past and more recently a smaller thing but repeated several times.

I have a feeling I am being told what I want to hear rather than the truth. We addressed this in the past but its cropped up again. Its very hard to believe what I'm being told on a day to day basis.

We are about to make a large financial decision together and its giving me second thoughts. I dont know what to do

Big Bag of Chips

If the lies involve money in any way then reconsider any financial decisions. My friend's husband used to lie about everything. Tiny, stupid, inconsequential lies. Turns out he was hiding a gambling addiction and was just so used to lying that it spilled over to irrelevant lies.

LegacyUser

I agree with big bag of chips here, a reletive of mine had the same problem with lies and financial issues, in the end they had to sell the house to pay for the lies. They split up soon after.

waxmelts2000

I had this from a previous partner lied about everything and still owes me money so if you are going into a financial arrangement please be careful, I wish I had been!

LolaJJ

Hey OP

Also previously had a relationship where I was lied to, about really inconsequential things constantly and for no apparent reason, it bordered on the ridiculous actually and after 2 years of it I just eventually realised I had no idea who he was and quickly lost patience, tolerance and then all feelings...

He turned out to be a really troubled person and later had issues with him stalking and being obsessive/threatening self-harm.

I would strongly associate this with some kind of mental health problem which you need to get to the bottom of. If there's no solution you have to question yourself and how much of this you are willing to deal with

ChrissieH

Hi OP,

Agree with all the above replies, in my experience, constant lying was associated with addiction (alcohol & drugs, then gambling) too. Gambling can be very deceptive because of course you have absolutely no giveaway signs that it's happened, unlike being drunk or high.
Like you've experienced, even after discussing it and presuming it was dealt with, it's still cropped up again - that's exactly how it happened with my relationship too, lying is a huge part of addiction, people with addictions are so wrapped up in it all that they will go to any lengths to hide and protect their addiction. It's horrible for everyone involved but for different reasons.
Being consistently lied to is very hard to recover from and I would say to you that if you have any way of postponing this financial decision, please do it. If you go ahead and then find out in a few months time that your partner is in debt (like I did), it will only end in lots of stress, heartbreak, anger and may be the end of your relationship.

I don't know how to advise you to "force" the truth out of your partner, but if it is financially-related, maybe insist on seeing their bank account details and have a look at the apps on their phone to see if there's anything obvious there like bookies etc. If they refuse to show you, then that's nearly proof enough, don't be fobbed off with indignant "do you not trust me?" bullsh1t. It's too big a deal to go on someone's word when they've proven themselves capable of lying to you. Trust your gut.

wiggle16

ChrissieH wrote: »

If they refuse to show you, then that's nearly proof enough, don't be fobbed off with indignant "do you not trust me?" bullsh1t. It's too big a deal to go on someone's word when they've proven themselves capable of lying to you. Trust your gut

100% spot on to this.