Single dad new baby

Anonymous7

Hi all,

First time poster here. So a few weeks ago I found out a girl I was kind of seeing is pregnant, 100% sure its mine so please no comments about are you sure it's yours. Heard it all from friends and family, who dont even know the girl mind you.

Anyway, shes going on 12 weeks now and after being really excited about it shes completely turned around and said she wants an abortion. I dont think it will be possible to get an abortion this late, I'm not against it but after seeing all the progress on a pregnancy tracker and getting my hopes up too I really dont want it to come to it.

I've suggested her having the baby and me taking care of him/her primarily and she can go travel/study/ whatever it is she wants to do. I'm not asking anyone whether they think it's a good idea or not. It's going to be a challenge and it's going to be hard on the kid not knowing its mother as much but from being in a similar situation where my dad has never been in my life and my mam knowing he wouldnt be I can safely say I'm happy she had me.

What I'm hoping to get some advice on is does anyone have experience with this and what would happen with work etc.. I couldnt get maternity leave right like I'd still only get paternity leave? I know it's in the name but you get what I'm asking I'm sure.

This is all just recent and I cant really think right now so I'll leave it at this but I'll probably have more questions later on.

I cant go into too much detail about me but I work full time, I've a fairly good job and I'm between 25-30
Sorry, my family use this alot.

Plumbthedepths

Anonymous7 wrote:

Anyway, shes going on 12 weeks now and after being really excited about it shes completely turned around and said she wants an abortion. I dont think it will be possible to get an abortion this late, I'm not against it but after seeing all the progress on a pregnancy tracker and getting my hopes up too I really dont want it to come to it.

She can still get an abortion if she wants, just in the UK instead. It is ultimately the expectant woman's choice. All you can do is offer your support and allow her to make her decision without any pressure.

pconn062

Man, that's a tough situation. I can't offer much in the way of financial advice but just one thing that came to mind. Say after 1 year of you being the sole carer of the baby, what would be the situation if the mother wanted to come back into the babys life? As the father I'm not sure you would have a leg to stand on. The mother could possibly seek full custody of the child despite you being the primary carer. On how good of terms are you both at the minute? Is it cordial?

catrionanic

Hats off to you OP for this. You sound like a great guy.

How did she react when you suggested that you would take care of the baby? Pregnancy is long and hard. I imagine she would need a lot of time to think about it.

Also to consider is how her feelings might change when the baby is in her arms. Many a time, a woman has thought she knew what she wanted to do, but discovered she couldn't do it once she met her baby.

It's complicated. You need to have a long and frank discussion with her. And then maybe a solicitor too.

Anonymous7

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

She can still get an abortion if she wants, just in the UK instead. It is ultimately the expectant woman's choice. All you can do is offer your support and allow her to make her decision without any pressure.

Sorry I didnt elaborate on this too much, she doesn't want to have an abortion via surgery as a friend of hers had the surgery and after was unable to have kids so she doesn't want to take the risk. Completely respect that it's her decision I just suggested that if she was to carry to term and felt like she couldnt be there I would take sole custody. She was actually considering giving the baby up for adoption to the friend who cant have kids before I said it.

shesty

Ehhhhh......she wants to give the baby up for adoption or she wants to travel to the UK for an abortion is that it??Or....what, exactly?

Anonymous7

pconn062 wrote: »

Man, that's a tough situation. I can't offer much in the way of financial advice but just one thing that came to mind. Say after 1 year of you being the sole carer of the baby, what would be the situation if the mother wanted to come back into the babys life? As the father I'm not sure you would have a leg to stand on. The mother could possibly seek full custody of the child despite you being the primary carer. On how good of terms are you both at the minute? Is it cordial?

Thats a good point, I know someone in a slightly similar situation at the moment. Someone below mentioned speaking with a solicitor so I will definitely be doing that closer to the time. We are on good terms though, I'm trying to be there as much as I can without leading her to think a relationship is on the cards and shes been feeling a bit down and getting angry fairly easily with the hormones but I just try understand how difficult it is for her and try stay positive and not argue! If she came back after a year, for me personally she'd be more than welcome and the plan was for me to buy a house in the next year or two so she would be more than welcome to stay in one of the rooms and share custody until she can find a place of her own

Anonymous7

catrionanic wrote: »

Hats off to you OP for this. You sound like a great guy.

How did she react when you suggested that you would take care of the baby? Pregnancy is long and hard. I imagine she would need a lot of time to think about it.

Also to consider is how her feelings might change when the baby is in her arms. Many a time, a woman has thought she knew what she wanted to do, but discovered she couldn't do it once she met her baby.

It's complicated. You need to have a long and frank discussion with her. And then maybe a solicitor too.

Really appreciate the reply!! She said she will think about it, I do think as each ultrasound passes it will seem more real to her and things may become clearer in her mind and hopefully when she does hold the baby thats all she'll care about. Obviously the ideal situation is we share custody like I want her to be apart of his/her life but if that cant be the case I'll step up rather than adoption or abortion.

We will be speaking about it again soon, after the initial discussion I think she needs some time to talk it over and after that conversation of things seem more clearer and like it will head towards me taking sole custody I'll speak with a solicitor, thanks for that suggestion it didnt even cross my mind!

Milly33

Not being funny but before ans properly how else would she be getting an abortion