Back dating after a long break!

music lover 2

So I have started to date again. Met a nice guy online we emailed for a few days and then spoke on the phone. We have had 3 grown up dates:) i.e daytime at the weekend ,no alcohol. He has told me he is sick of the online process of dating and wants a relationship. So the issue is I am very guarded and somewhat cynical, but want him to know that I like him.I think I would like to see where things could go.He has deleted his dating profile and while I am not saying this is result of us meeting I am wondering should I ask him why he has deleted it. The reason I ask is because I would like as I said to see if there a chance of a potential relationship or should Ijust continue meeting other guys online while seeing him?

Thanks

TheBoyConor

It comes across as rather intense on his part. Like 3 dates in and he has deleted his profile and is talking about beginning a relationship! You see this with some people, they get too committed too soon and often its a case of burning to bright and burning out quick!

Usually people will be seeing eachother and dating and messaging other people for a good while before deciding.


Up to you if you ask him why he deleted it, but I don't think you should stop dating other guys just for that reason. Unless of course, that is what you want.

music lover 2

TheBoyConor wrote: »

It comes across as rather intense on his part. Like 3 dates in and he has deleted his profile and is talking about beginning a relationship! You see this with some people, they get too committed too soon and often its a case of burning to bright and burning out quick!

Usually people will be seeing eachother and dating and messaging other people for a good while before deciding.


Up to you if you ask him why he deleted it, but I don't think you should stop dating other guys just for that reason. Unless of course, that is what you want.

Thanks sorry I should have clarified he wasn't talking about a relationship in the context of having one with me( there have been no chats like that) just general chats about wanting a relationship.

zapper55

He could be too intense or he could be the real deal. I found on online dating that the more intense guys burned bright at the start then completely disappeared.

Theres no way of knowing until you see him more. I wouldn't ask him why he deleted his profile. Even if he did it because of you (or because he was sick of online dating) it's no guarantee of anything.

Just enjoy his company and see what happens. I wouldn't make a big deal of telling him you like him. Firstly it's only 3 dates in, secondly if you are continuing to go on dates with him and you show him.that you enjoy his company, surely that's enough of a sign.

Chill a bit and enjoy seeing him. As for whether you date other guys? Up to.you. it might prove to be a distraction from getting to know this guy or it could be the very thing that makes you a bit more chilled about online dating. Only you can answer that.

music lover 2

zapper55 wrote: »

He could be too intense or he could be the real deal. I found on online dating that the more intense guys burned bright at the start then completely disappeared.

Theres no way of knowing until you see him more. I wouldn't ask him why he deleted his profile. Even if he did it because of you (or because he was sick of online dating) it's no guarantee of anything.

Just enjoy his company and see what happens. I wouldn't make a big deal of telling him you like him. Firstly it's only 3 dates in, secondly if you are continuing to go on dates with him and you show him.that you enjoy his company, surely that's enough of a sign.

Chill a bit and enjoy seeing him. As for whether you date other guys? Up to.you. it might prove to be a distraction from getting to know this guy or it could be the very thing that makes you a bit more chilled about online dating. Only you can answer that.

Great advice thanks. He is not intense when I meet him or in between dates i.e no intense contact,texting etc...... we just have a lot in common and keep our chats very light. I'll continue dating other guys while seeing him for the moment and let things if they are to, develop slowly.

Floppybits

Maybe he was just telling the truth about online dating and decided now was the right time to delete it. Does it really matter? As was said above, if you are still seeing him enjoy the dates and stop the second guessing.

In my opinion a lot of people of both sexes invest to much time into trying the read the mind of the person they are seeing, just enjoy the dates and if a relationship develops, fantastic, if it doesn't then at least you enjoyed the dates and it wasn't a waste of time.

Idle Passerby

Him deleating his profile could mean anything or nothing. If he deleated it because of a woman he's met 3 times I'd be wary. People that blow hot very early tend to dissapear suddenly. Maybe he was being honest that he's sick of online dating and he intends to pack it on regardless of whether anything works out with you. Or maybe he's met someone special that isn't you but they haven't made it exclusive yet. Anythings possible so I'd play it by ear and go with your gut.

Xterminator

Hi Op

i think your over analyzing here.

Just take a step back and enjoy the dating. Maybe after 3 dates he thinks your special. There is nothing wrong with that. so let things play out.
Don't be worrying about what he is thinking or trying to interpret his actions etc.

music lover 2

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

i think your over analyzing here.

Just take a step back and enjoy the dating. Maybe after 3 dates he thinks your special. There is nothing wrong with that. so let things play out.
Don't be worrying about what he is thinking or trying to interpret his actions etc.

Yes a step back is good advice. I haven't dated in a long time so probably suffering from a bit of over analyzing. Also the online process can be very over whelming:)

Floppybits

music lover 2 wrote: »

Yes a step back is good advice. I haven't dated in a long time so probably suffering from a bit of over analyzing. Also the online process can be very over whelming:)

And ignore the dating rules. None of this messing waiting for him to text or not responding until after a set period of time. Do what you are comfortable with.

Ursus Horribilis

Maybe we've all heard/read/experienced so many war stories from the world of online dating, we can't see this for what it could be. A man meeting a woman who he really likes and thinks could become his girlfriend. If that's the way he feels, then it makes sense that he'd delete his dating profile for now and give this a proper go. Why date other women if he thinks there's something between the pair of you?

music lover 2

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Maybe we've all heard/read/experienced so many war stories from the world of online dating, we can't see this for what it could be. A man meeting a woman who he really likes and thinks could become his girlfriend. If that's the way he feels, then it makes sense that he'd delete his dating profile for now and give this a proper go. Why date other women if he thinks there's something between the pair of you?

Thanks for the positive vibes:) Yes he may do, but I am taking it slow and will as previous posters have suggested enjoy my time seeing him and see where it goes. If nothing comes of it meeting him was a good intro to getting back on the saddle:)

Ursus Horribilis

Good luck! Just don't over-analyse things or get into game-playing/rules just because you feel it's the done thing

.......

What has the nature of the dates been? Has there been kissing/intimate contact?

Im not really sure what you mean when you say you have had 3 grown up dates? Does this mean you just went for a walk/coffee and no kissing or what?

music lover 2

....... wrote: »

What has the nature of the dates been? Has there been kissing/intimate contact?

Im not really sure what you mean when you say you have had 3 grown up dates? Does this mean you just went for a walk/coffee and no kissing or what?

A bit of kissing, walks and museums and some flirtatious texting in between. . But sods law I sent him a text today and got a very vague/ nonchalant response.

.......

music lover 2 wrote: »

A bit of kissing, walks and museums and some flirtatious texting in between. . But sods law I sent him a text today and got a very vague/ nonchalant response.

Oh I see - I was just trying to ascertain if the dates had a romantic element or were just 2 people meeting for coffee and getting to know each other.

I wouldnt read too much into a vague response - he may just have been busy. Its still a bit wait and see I think.

music lover 2

....... wrote: »

Oh I see - I was just trying to ascertain if the dates had a romantic element or were just 2 people meeting for coffee and getting to know each other.

I wouldnt read too much into a vague response - he may just have been busy. Its still a bit wait and see I think.

Yes a romantic/flirtatious element which was lovely. I just sent him a text to see if he wanted to go to an event that I know based on our chats we would both be interested in. Thanks, yes I will wait and see. I hate waiting! But based on all the great insight and advice here I will:)

music lover 2

So I know in terms of some of the issues on this forum and (all the great advice you give)s mine is insignificant but I still feel I need to give a quick update as all of you lovely people in the space of about 24 hours have given me such good advice . After what I perceived to be an vague/nonchalant response to a text he replied again and we are meeting on Monday to go to something we are are both interested in . This modern dating is hard work!!!!

Floppybits

Why is dating so hard especially at the start? I would see the start as casual getting to know one another and if it leads onto something else great, if not at least it was a bit of fun and excitement. All these rules now seem to take the fun out of it.