Cat attachment

GoneHome

So we were on holidays for a week, our cat who is an outdoor/indoor cat as in she comes into the house when we get home from work in the evening and sleeps inside at night and then stays outside for the day while we're at work. Last week while we were away she was outside all day and night (she has complete access to the garden shed where she has a bed and my niece called everyday to feed her), since we've been back one of us has has been at home all the time and she's never left our side, just going out briefly for five or ten minutes and back in again.

It's as if she has to keep an eye on us in case we leave her again

donkeykong5

GoneHome wrote: »

So we were on holidays for a week, our cat who is an outdoor/indoor cat as in she comes into the house when we get home from work in the evening and sleeps inside at night and then stays outside for the day while we're at work. Last week while we were away she was outside all day and night (she has complete access to the garden shed where she has a bed and my niece called everyday to feed her), since we've been back one of us has has been at home all the time and she's never left our side, just going out briefly for five or ten minutes and back in again.

It's as if she has to keep an eye on us in case we leave her again

That's so sad. Just keep her in until she feels safe again.

VonVix

Lots of people don't realise cats can form strong bonds.

For example, there was a cat I was looking after for a week, I could not go near her without her hissing and growling at me, she'd be hiding under her bed half the time. The moment her family came to pick her up she ran out to them, meowing away excitedly.

GoneHome

donkeykong5 wrote: »

That's so sad. Just keep her in until she feels safe again.

Yes that's what we're doing, I feel so sad for her, imagine the torment she must have been going through while we were away, she was probably thinking we'd completely abandoned her. We had considered putting her in a cattery before we went but she's extremely timid. It's only OH and me here and even when someone calls to visit she scampers to the bedroom, it's as if we're the only two humans she can cope with.

I was away at Christmas and decided to put both my cats in a cattery. Older cat loved it as she sleeps all day anyway. Younger cat not one bit impressed!
When I collected them a week later the meowing going home in the car was unbelievable! Like they were giving out to me !

They were thrilled to be home and adapted back no problem and loved being back in the house beside the fire . If it was Summer I’d leave the younger one outdoors at home with neighbours feeding her but as it was mid Winter I feel I had less guilt and enjoyed my break more by putting them both into a cattery.
You worry less !

donkeykong5

GoneHome wrote: »

donkeykong5 wrote: »

That's so sad. Just keep her in until she feels safe again.

Yes that's what we're doing, I feel so sad for her, imagine the torment she must have been going through while we were away, she was probably thinking we'd completely abandoned her. We had considered putting her in a cattery before we went but she's extremely timid. It's only OH and me here and even when someone calls to visit she scampers to the bedroom, it's as if we're the only two humans she can cope with.

She feels you abandoned her. Same with my cat. She had to go to vets last week with bladder infection . My daughter took her in a cat cage. When she came back after an injection and anti biotics she lay on the settee beside me but facing away from me banging her tail up and down in pure temper for about 2 hours. But then was all over me and meowing and snuggling in as far as she could. I love cats. They are like children.

GoneHome

donkeykong5 wrote: »

She feels you abandoned her. Same with my cat. She had to go to vets last week with bladder infection . My daughter took her in a cat cage. When she came back after an injection and anti biotics she lay on the settee beside me but facing away from me banging her tail up and down in pure temper for about 2 hours. But then was all over me and meowing and snuggling in as far as she could. I love cats. They are like children.

That's exactly it, she feels we abandoned her, she's a youngish cat, will be two in April but really timid a pure little sweetheart.

metaoblivia

Cats can become very attached to you! I think they get a bad rap sometimes from people who don't understand that, them being a different species to dogs, they show their affection for you in a different way.

I recently went on a 2 week trip abroad and had a neighbor check in on my 2 cats daily. When I got home, my little guys - who are friendly and affectionate, but not lapcat types - spent the night sleeping one on either side of me in bed. And at one point, both crawled up on top of me in the middle of night purring. Very unusual behavior for them, but I took it as they missed me and were glad to see me home.

And even when I come home from work, they greet me at the door and meow like they're happy I'm home. When I get up in the morning they follow me into the bathroom and stay there while I get my make up on, then they follow me around the apartment as gather my things, and then they're right next to the door when I leave.

I've made a conscious decision not to put them in a cattery because sometimes cats are even more stressed out by an environment change. Me being away is a big change but me being away plus a new environment is two big changes.

aonb

We have two ex-ferals here.
One moved into the house last year - totally wild/feral adult - shes such a pet and LOVES her routine.
The other was hand reared but LOVES her routine too
I think the security of the routine, and familiar humans is key - especially to the timid ones.
OP maybe next time your niece could feed her and let her into the house overnight when you're away?

GoneHome

metaoblivia wrote: »

I've made a conscious decision not to put them in a cattery because sometimes cats are even more stressed out by an environment change. Me being away is a big change but me being away plus a new environment is two big changes.

This is exactly why we decided against putting her in a cattery, she wouldn't have been able to cope with it, it would have destroyed her

GoneHome

aonb wrote: »

OP maybe next time your niece could feed her and let her into the house overnight when you're away?

Yes that's what I'm thinking also, the only thing is she's not toilet/litter trained, she has her food bowl at the back door, we feed her and then she does her business out the back (we're in the middle of the countryside with a big garden) and she comes in for the night, she's usually inside with us from 5/6 in the evening until 6/7 in the morning and she's never had a toilet accident since we got her at 6 weeks old

aonb

GoneHome wrote: »

Yes that's what I'm thinking also, the only thing is she's not toilet/litter trained, she has her food bowl at the back door, we feed her and then she does her business out the back (we're in the middle of the countryside with a big garden) and she comes in for the night, she's usually inside with us from 5/6 in the evening until 6/7 in the morning and she's never had a toilet accident since we got her at 6 weeks old

You would be amazed how a cat naturally takes to a litter tray, bet if you put one down, she;d use that rather than soil her space. My ex-feral couldnt get out one day while she was in the house for longer than planned, and she went to the other cats litter tray in another room and did her business - such an angel cat!

On the subject of cattery, one of my cats, hand reared when found as feral kitten, HATES strangers - I found the best cattery for her when we go away - she actually likes going there I think. The more recent arrival feral (4 year old approx) is becoming more and more sociable with people - more so that our long term first cat - I have a neighbour come to feed her at home when we're away, and she has a cosy sleepspace in a workshop with access through a window - Im wondering now if she could be ready to go to the cattery too - she sleeps 23 hours a day indoors and is food mad

GoneHome

aonb wrote: »

You would be amazed how a cat naturally takes to a litter tray, bet if you put one down, she;d use that rather than soil her space. My ex-feral couldnt get out one day while she was in the house for longer than planned, and she went to the other cats litter tray in another room and did her business - such an angel cat!

Gosh I didn't think they could take to the litter tray if they weren't trained to it as such, that's good to know. Anyway, the three of us are ok for now, she's here asleep beside me on the couch, pure contentment.

donkeykong5

When my cat had bladder infection she did her wee right beside her litter tray . And meowed so loudly that I knew something was wrong. As it was on the floor I was able to scoop some of it up for the vet. Vet was delighted as they saw blood in urine straight away. Cats are extremely intelligent. If cats dont like someone they show it as well. Very good judges of character.

GoneHome

aonb wrote: »

she sleeps 23 hours a day indoors and is food mad

Just a quick question for you on this (I know I could probably google it) but our little one seems to be sleeping about 20 hours a day, is that normal for a just under two year old cat

GoneHome

GoneHome wrote: »

This is exactly why we decided against putting her in a cattery, she wouldn't have been able to cope with it, it would have destroyed her

Know what you’re saying about cattery and cats being out of their environment .
I let my 2 cats share when I went away for Christmas. They don’t like each other that much at home but perfectly happy to share when they were in the cattery . That made me feel better . It’s hard to know which is worse, put them in cattery and at least know they’re safe and won’t wander away or get hit by a car , or know they won’t like being locked up in cattery . My cattery has big runs with an upstairs and downstairs, a window and a flap to the outdoor small run. Either way though it’s not easy, and boy are they able to let you know ! :rolleyes:

volchitsa

GoneHome wrote: »

So we were on holidays for a week, our cat who is an outdoor/indoor cat as in she comes into the house when we get home from work in the evening and sleeps inside at night and then stays outside for the day while we're at work. Last week while we were away she was outside all day and night (she has complete access to the garden shed where she has a bed and my niece called everyday to feed her), since we've been back one of us has has been at home all the time and she's never left our side, just going out briefly for five or ten minutes and back in again.

It's as if she has to keep an eye on us in case we leave her again

One of our cats used to huff when we came back : when family would come by to feed them they told us the cats were always hanging around near the house or indoors (well, garage) when we were away but every time we came back, one in particular we wouldn't see for a day or more, until one day instead of arriving back by car, I walked the last bit so they didn't notice it was me, and true enough money there she was was sitting sunning herself. When she saw me arrive she stalked off haughtily. Definitely unimpressed.

GoneHome

volchitsa wrote: »

One of our cats used to huff when we came back : when family would come by to feed them they told us the cats were always hanging around near the house or indoors (well, garage) when we were away but every time we came back, one in particular we wouldn't see for a day or more, until one day instead of arriving back by car, I walked the last bit so they didn't notice it was me, and true enough money there she was was sitting sunning herself. When she saw me arrive she stalked off haughtily. Definitely unimpressed.

It's so funny how they all have their own little personalities, when we pulled up at our house when we got home form holidays the other day our little one came pounding out of the garden shed to us and hasn't left the house since

TCM

GoneHome wrote:

Yes that's what we're doing, I feel so sad for her, imagine the torment she must have been going through while we were away, she was probably thinking we'd completely abandoned her. We had considered putting her in a cattery before we went but she's extremely timid. It's only OH and me here and even when someone calls to visit she scampers to the bedroom, it's as if we're the only two humans she can cope with.

We have a cat of similar deposition. When we go away we keep the cat indoors and give our house key to a neighbour who feeds her.

Graces7

One of the 3 street cats I took in a few months ago, the year old male, was very slow to accept me. Cringed if I tried to pet him....

Suddenly that changed. Now he walks ahead of me when I am going to the peat stack in the wet and lies down in my path, rolling onto his back purring in total love and submission ..I step over him and walk on and he races in front and lies down again.... Takes a while to get anywhere, bless him!He also brings me gifts of live wrens..

each so different and yes I find cats more devoted than dogs in a more intense way. When I go for a walk I now have five shadows... a scatter of cats

Mollyb60

I don't want to hijack the OP's thread but I've been thinking of posting about my cat for some time now to get some advice. It's the same sort of issue as the OP. Our cat is a rescue and we think she has serious abandonment issues. We got her in August and she's incredibly affectionate to my husband and I. She is most definitely a lapcat. She howls loudly if we don't come sit with her on the couch in the evenings and follows us around the house whenever either of us move. She took a long time to settle in though and she was vomiting nightly for about 2 months after we got her. We got her checked by the vet who did tests and couldn't find anything out of sorts with her. We tried different foods and a feliway spray to calm her down but nothing seemed to work. The vomiting eventually faded out and stopped around November.

Being at home over the Christmas was great and she clearly loved having us around but we noticed that any time we left the house for a few hours she would be sick again when we were gone. And when we came back to work on Monday she was sick too. So we're thinking that she's actually too attached to us and it's stressing her out when we leave her. It's breaking our hearts but we don't know what to do about it. We were thinking of getting another cat to keep her company but are worried that she'll hate that and be even more miserable. Has anyone any advice?

(sorry again OP for the hijack - mods feel free to move if needs be)

JustMe,K

I introduced my cat to my parents dog within a week of getting her, she comes visiting with me, and if I am going away I leave her with them (hence the need to introduce cat to dog early on!). She is HUGELY attached to me, and gets into her box when I go to my parents to pick her up as if she's saying 'I'm ready, lets go home now'. People think dogs are much more loyal than cats, but I think it depends on the little animals individual personality.

OP, it might be worth looking at an experienced cat sitter next time, who will come meet your pet beforehand and they can become familiar with each other?

Graces7

Mollyb60 wrote: »

I don't want to hijack the OP's thread but I've been thinking of posting about my cat for some time now to get some advice. It's the same sort of issue as the OP. Our cat is a rescue and we think she has serious abandonment issues. We got her in August and she's incredibly affectionate to my husband and I. She is most definitely a lapcat. She howls loudly if we don't come sit with her on the couch in the evenings and follows us around the house whenever either of us move. She took a long time to settle in though and she was vomiting nightly for about 2 months after we got her. We got her checked by the vet who did tests and couldn't find anything out of sorts with her. We tried different foods and a feliway spray to calm her down but nothing seemed to work. The vomiting eventually faded out and stopped around November.

Being at home over the Christmas was great and she clearly loved having us around but we noticed that any time we left the house for a few hours she would be sick again when we were gone. And when we came back to work on Monday she was sick too. So we're thinking that she's actually too attached to us and it's stressing her out when we leave her. It's breaking our hearts but we don't know what to do about it. We were thinking of getting another cat to keep her company but are worried that she'll hate that and be even more miserable. Has anyone any advice?

(sorry again OP for the hijack - mods feel free to move if needs be)

Ah that is hard. I tend to take on 2 or 3 rescues at a time.... Some of these cats have been appallingly treated... Try catnip toys? A hot water bottle well wrapped? Wrapped in your jersey? So it is warm and smells like you? You are her lifeline, her rescuer. It is understandable but very, very tough for you.

An older well balanced cat might help but would be new to you too.. worth a try?

Mollyb60

Graces7 wrote: »

Ah that is hard. I tend to take on 2 or 3 rescues at a time.... Some of these cats have been appallingly treated... Try catnip toys? A hot water bottle well wrapped? Wrapped in your jersey? So it is warm and smells like you? You are her lifeline, her rescuer. It is understandable but very, very tough for you.

An older well balanced cat might help but would be new to you too.. worth a try?

Thanks Grace, unfortunately she's not interested at all in catnip so that's out. I might try the hot water bottle idea though, that's a good one. She has taken to one of my fluffy scarfs so I've donated that to her, I could wrap the bottle in that for her. Thanks.

All the advice I've been given so far says that a younger cat would be easier for her to adjust to because she's around 5. But I don't know if we have the time to take on a kitten. I've read they need almost constant supervision. It just absolutely kills us having to leave her every day to go to work. We got a webcam for the kitchen to keep an eye on her so we know that she wanders the house mewing for us while we're out. In hindsight that was probably a mistake coz it's just made us feel worse. Lol.

JustMe,K

Mollyb60 wrote: »

I don't want to hijack the OP's thread but I've been thinking of posting about my cat for some time now to get some advice. It's the same sort of issue as the OP. Our cat is a rescue and we think she has serious abandonment issues. We got her in August and she's incredibly affectionate to my husband and I. She is most definitely a lapcat. She howls loudly if we don't come sit with her on the couch in the evenings and follows us around the house whenever either of us move. She took a long time to settle in though and she was vomiting nightly for about 2 months after we got her. We got her checked by the vet who did tests and couldn't find anything out of sorts with her. We tried different foods and a feliway spray to calm her down but nothing seemed to work. The vomiting eventually faded out and stopped around November.

Being at home over the Christmas was great and she clearly loved having us around but we noticed that any time we left the house for a few hours she would be sick again when we were gone. And when we came back to work on Monday she was sick too. So we're thinking that she's actually too attached to us and it's stressing her out when we leave her. It's breaking our hearts but we don't know what to do about it. We were thinking of getting another cat to keep her company but are worried that she'll hate that and be even more miserable. Has anyone any advice?

(sorry again OP for the hijack - mods feel free to move if needs be)

Have you spoken to your vet? I think you can get a plug in thing (fellway or soemthing) that releases a calming scent or noise. Mine is very needy, she was a rescue and taken from mammy cat far too young, when she goes missing she is found in my bed, snuggled under the duvet (and when I come into the room she meows to let me know she is there!).

Graces7

Mollyb60 wrote: »

Thanks Grace, unfortunately she's not interested at all in catnip so that's out. I might try the hot water bottle idea though, that's a good one. She has taken to one of my fluffy scarfs so I've donated that to her, I could wrap the bottle in that for her. Thanks.

All the advice I've been given so far says that a younger cat would be easier for her to adjust to because she's around 5. But I don't know if we have the time to take on a kitten. I've read they need almost constant supervision. It just absolutely kills us having to leave her every day to go to work. We got a webcam for the kitchen to keep an eye on her so we know that she wanders the house mewing for us while we're out. In hindsight that was probably a mistake coz it's just made us feel worse. Lol.

Please, turn off the webcam! Torturing yourself does not help... I would say an older wiser cat as companion not a vulnerable kitten. There are plenty needing homes. donedeal is full of older cats too... is

The small cat who was so traumatised she could not get in the door ( I posted a thread on that) is now glued to my wrist purring mightily...Been there hours. The thing that helped most actually was pretending not to notice, not to make a fuss of her. I started to ask once did she want in? When she just stared? "Well OK then. maybe later!" Close the door! and it worked. Later I would open the door and she would race in at the speed of light. lol......

She does not need to make a fuss re the catnip to benefit. Add some to the scarf when you wrap it? Also sometimes a tiny drop of lavender oil will help.

The most effective thing is time and caring without it being a burden to you? This is how she is just now; she will adapt and ease.

My 2 older cats are given refuge from the hooligans!

Oh and your cat has YOU. That is the main thing to never forget. She has YOU now and is not alone. You are doing a wonderful thing being there for her and caring.

Mollyb60

kcdiom wrote: »

Have you spoken to your vet? I think you can get a plug in thing (fellway or soemthing) that releases a calming scent or noise. Mine is very needy, she was a rescue and taken from mammy cat far too young, when she goes missing she is found in my bed, snuggled under the duvet (and when I come into the room she meows to let me know she is there!).

Yeh the vet has ruled out a number of things so thinks it might be stress too. Unfortunately the feliway diffuser we had didn't seem to make any difference with her. We might try it again though when she gets used to us being back at work.

Graces7 wrote: »

Please, turn off the webcam! Torturing yourself does not help... I would say an older wiser cat as companion not a vulnerable kitten. There are plenty needing homes. donedeal is full of older cats too... is

The small cat who was so traumatised she could not get in the door ( I posted a thread on that) is now glued to my wrist purring mightily...Been there hours. The thing that helped most actually was pretending not to notice, not to make a fuss of her. I started to ask once did she want in? When she just stared? "Well OK then. maybe later!" Close the door! and it worked. Later I would open the door and she would race in at the speed of light. lol......

She does not need to make a fuss re the catnip to benefit. Add some to the scarf when you wrap it? Also sometimes a tiny drop of lavender oil will help.

The most effective thing is time and caring without it being a burden to you? This is how she is just now; she will adapt and ease.

My 2 older cats are given refuge from the hooligans!

Oh and your cat has YOU. That is the main thing to never forget. She has YOU now and is not alone. You are doing a wonderful thing being there for her and caring.

Thanks Grace. Will try both of those. We're up in Belfast so there's some adoption centres here we'll try (the one we got her from will be first though, they were so great). And I'm sure they're very experienced with this sort of thing so they should hopefully know what sort of cat would suit her best and help her.
It's amazing how quickly she had us wrapped around her paws so we're fully converted cat people now and I'd love another little furball.

Graces7

Mollyb60 wrote: »

Yeh the vet has ruled out a number of things so thinks it might be stress too. Unfortunately the feliway diffuser we had didn't seem to make any difference with her. We might try it again though when she gets used to us being back at work.



Thanks Grace. Will try both of those. We're up in Belfast so there's some adoption centres here we'll try (the one we got her from will be first though, they were so great). And I'm sure they're very experienced with this sort of thing so they should hopefully know what sort of cat would suit her best and help her.
It's amazing how quickly she had us wrapped around her paws so we're fully converted cat people now and I'd love another little furball.

smiling! Yep they are addictive.

The other thing is, play it cool. Your anxiety will get to the cat. I learned this with my recent abused girl. She made better progress when I stopped trying to help her visibly. I find now that she is fine when I am lying down ( abed perforce a lot) but wary and jumpy when I am standing or walking. Someone has hurt her.

Your girl has it in her to deal with this. As mine does. Takes time is all. Now she bashes the door when she wants in

Good luck at the rescue. Bless you for caring

jimf

GoneHome wrote: »

Yes that's what I'm thinking also, the only thing is she's not toilet/litter trained, she has her food bowl at the back door, we feed her and then she does her business out the back (we're in the middle of the countryside with a big garden) and she comes in for the night, she's usually inside with us from 5/6 in the evening until 6/7 in the morning and she's never had a toilet accident since we got her at 6 weeks old

had a cat years ago who we couldn't train to use her litter tray so I decided to watch where she used outdoors

she always went under a hedge at the back so I dug some loose earth from there and put it in her tray within a week she was using ordinary litter


worth a try

sillysmiles

Our cat is very attached to myself and my OH. When we got back from our honeymoon, she did a lot of giving out and following us around. Beyond letting her snuggle into our bed as we slept of jet lag we tried to ignore the behaviour and get back into the normal routine as much as possible.

acequion

GoneHome wrote: »

This is exactly why we decided against putting her in a cattery, she wouldn't have been able to cope with it, it would have destroyed her

But maybe not OP.

My little one is now 7 years old and the first time I went away I had an arrangement a bit like yours with a neighbour feeding her. Well the neighbour rang me up during my holiday to tell me that my little kitty was miserable and felt abandoned. Guess who felt really miserable after that.:( Seems she spent her time constantly trying to get into the house and crying non stop. Thankfully she was fine once I returned but as I'm away a bit I immediately set about researching catteries. And I found a really excellent one where I've been putting her for the past 5 years with no problems at all. When I say excellent I mean that the owner is just crazy about cats and goes out of her way with the kitties in her charge, petting them, playing with them, toys for them,comforting the lonely little ones etc. And the kitties staying there always seem in great form. Now my little girl is always thrilled to see me back with extra special purrs and cuddles, but is overall happy when in this cattery.

My cat has a very outgoing personality and likes everyone so that does help but I see timid little kitties at the cattery too and really they're grand. I can go away knowing that my little one is safe,comfortable and looked after, which is a lot better than at home feeling abandoned. And I'd imagine there must be a fair few excellent catteries like that around.

This is a lovely thread. Lovely to hear about the genuine and loving bonds between kitties and owners.:)