Teenage daughter - online issue

runningbuddy

Hi folks. My teenage daughter has told me that she received a message on Facebook messenger. It's anonomous and she cannot reply. She was in a relationship with a lad during the summer. She is 17, he is 18. She said this anonomous message said that the lad has been divulging horrible information about her (explict), etc..... She is distraught. However, she did assure me that she never sent him pics, etc.... so there is nothing like that doing the rounds.

Anyone any experience of this?? She is so upset. I have told her she will forget it in time, he is a pig, etc.....

Mr. Incognito

Go to the Guards.

Online harrasment is a crime.

runningbuddy

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Go to the Guards.

Online harrasment is a crime.

Thanks. The FB messenger comes up as FB user (cannot reply to him/her) Do i report the ex boyfriend ??

Mr. Incognito

You just go to the guardsa and tell them what is going on and that you have your suspicions as to who is doing it.

The Guards can pull all this information from Facebook if required depending on the content.

I suspect a swift call from the local police station and it will magically stop,

Grab All Association

Don’t bite! It’s 95%+ most likely it’s him and he’s trying to get a reaction from her. She’ll text him distraught that he would even talk about her like this blah blah blah. He’ll be all like “I swear to ya I didn’t say anything” and “ I can’t believe you think I’d do this blah blah blah”

I went through these type of games with my ex. Go to the Gardaí and lodge a complaint with them as mentioned above.

runningbuddy

Thanks guys. Looking at the message, it looks like its from a girl (just the vibe I get!). Judging by the language, etc.....

LegacyUser

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Go to the Guards.

Online harrasment is a crime.

The message isn't harassment - its just claiming her the ex is spreading private information about her. Did the message say how he was spreading this online or in person? It's a random message with no evidence, unless the OP has proof the ex has been posting about her daughter online the guards can't really do much.

Get Real

I hope your daughter is okay or will be okay op as I'm sure it has stressed her out.

We don't know if this FB message is legitimate, who it's from, or could be from him himself. It could also be from someone who is jealous of her and wants to cause her stress, and the ex boyfriend may be actually completely innocent.

I'd encourage you or your daughter to make note of this message, and any others down the line. Screenshot, date, time etc.

Harrassment unfortunately has to be persistent and over a period of time, regardless of the means http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1997/act/26/enacted/en/print#sec10

If you accuse him now (a) he'll get wind and stop (if it is him) (b) he'll not be involved and make some counterclaim against your daughter (c)be involved and make a malicious claim. (D) alot of harrassment related things will be found and your daughter will have to go to court.

For now, particularly as she's 17, I'd console her insofar as possible, reassure her and say you'll combat this together by making a record of any future contact by this anonymous person, the allegations they make, and how they know of them.

runningbuddy

Cheers again folks. I guess there is no point contacting FB?? Not that I know how!!!! Is there any way we can find out who the FB user is? sorry, am a bit clueless when it comes to social media :rolleyes:

Rubberchikken

personally id advice her to ignore the nonsense. ive never done social media but can this anon person be blocked?
theres no guarantee its the ex and accusing only makes matters worse imo

Paddy Cow

runningbuddy wrote: »

Cheers again folks. I guess there is no point contacting FB?? Not that I know how!!!! Is there any way we can find out who the FB user is? sorry, am a bit clueless when it comes to social media :rolleyes:

The guards and facebook are useless when it comes to online bullying. There was a woman on Niall Boylan recently enough, telling the story of how her daughter committed suicide because of bullying. Niall was telling of how his own daughter was the subject of online abuse and he went to the guards and they did nothing. Facebook will not give you the name of the person and will distance themselves from this. A picture of a woman breast feeding is offensive and they'll take that down but people can say what they like :rolleyes:

At this stage it's someone saying your daughter's ex is telling intimate stories about her. This is hearsay that may or may not be true and the guards will not investigate this. If it's true, her ex is being as as$hole, which isn't a crime. I'd advise your daughter not to react publicly. Bullies love a reaction and that's how things start to escalate. Take a screen shot and keep a look out online but chances are this will blow over. Luckily your daughter was smart and mature enough not to send nudes or they could've ended up all over the internet (which would be a crime).

Xterminator

runningbuddy wrote: »

Do i report the ex boyfriend ??

what would you be reporting him to the police for? kissing and telling isn't a crime.

the message you received is damaging to his reputation, and in some ways more so that to your distraught daughter, especially if you do believe there are no incriminating photos etc.

The message as such is probably libelous unless f course it can be proved. thus on the facts present any crime here is probably against this person.

thats not to say he may not be acting in a disgraceful fashion, and i guess this is what you suspect. Your daughter may have the phone number or the address of his parents.

If it was me i would speak with them, but in a neutral way, not directly accusing him but making them aware the accusation was made, and your daughter was upset.

LegacyUser

I'm not an expert but I think that the 'FB User' suggests that the page has been deleted, this is why you can't send a reply. They probably just made it to send the message.


If it's not the ex boyfriend then it's likely that the ex boyfriend is in on it, and got a friend to do it. I had a slightly similar 'anonymous messages' situation with my younger cousin a while back. She was distraught over nasty things being sent to her and knew well it was her ex boyfriend/his new girlfriend and her friends. I know the mother of the new girlfriend and approached her one day with 'isn't it terrible that someone is sending these messages, hope your daughter XX isn't getting anything so nasty...'. She obviously knew nothing, filled her in on the bare bones and the messages magically stopped and the page disappeared. So it may be a good idea to approach the boys parents asking is he being bullied online too? Instead of accusing him.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I'd say the reason you can't see who the message is from or reply is because it's someone who set the account up specifically to send the message and then deleted the account.

So it's someone who wanted her to have this information but wanted to stay anonymous. It could be another girl giving her a genuine heads up but not wanting to get dragged into any drama, or it could be the ex trying to get a reaction from her, or someone just stirring sh1t. Honestly, given the ages involved, I'd say the latter two scenarios are more likely.

Screenshot the messages and reevaluate if it happens again but really there's not much you can do.

Btw I think it's great your daughter has come to you with this, that fact, your advice to her and your concern at her distress really speaks to your parenting. Most people go out with some gobshíte or another at that age and have some nasty drama to contend with, it's natural for her to feel like it's the end of the world but it'll pass. I think just not reacting in a way that escalates the situation, listening to her and empathising is the way to go.

runningbuddy

Adeline Shapely Mountain wrote: »

I'd say the reason you can't see who the message is from or reply is because it's someone who set the account up specifically to send the message and then deleted the account.

So it's someone who wanted her to have this information but wanted to stay anonymous. It could be another girl giving her a genuine heads up but not wanting to get dragged into any drama, or it could be the ex trying to get a reaction from her, or someone just stirring sh1t. Honestly, given the ages involved, I'd say the latter two scenarios are more likely.

Screenshot the messages and reevaluate if it happens again but really there's not much you can do.

Btw I think it's great your daughter has come to you with this, that fact, your advice to her and your concern at her distress really speaks to your parenting. Most people go out with some gobshíte or another at that age and have some nasty drama to contend with, it's natural for her to feel like it's the end of the world but it'll pass. I think just not reacting in a way that escalates the situation, listening to her and empathising is the way to go.

I

I have an inkling the ex boyfriend pissed a girl off and this is her way of getting back at him. I could be wrong. Just judging by the language/tone used, etc.....

Hannibal_Smith

Has she still got the message?

Is there an option in the Chat window to report It? I wonder can facebook track the user, even though they deleted their account. Fb messages never fully delete, so I wonder can they see the full thread? It's worth a go.

Fair play to yourself and your daughter, it's so good she could tell you about it and didn't keep it to herself.

nim1bdeh38l2cw

I'd suspect that it's spam

Pelvis

Just ignore it.