Dealing with options while dating.

Red Lightning

Hi all. I'm a 25 year old male and am struggling with the options side of dating.
The problem being, I fancy too many women. I'll break it down for ye all. Atm, there is about 4 or 5 different ladies that I have my eye on, all lovely and all quite different.

#1. She is probably the one I like the most cos she just oozes confidence. She's really pretty and I get on really well with her. I don't actually know her overly well yet but I think a bit of lust is shooting her to the top of the queue. However, I don't get much of a vibe that she fancies me back.

#2. She is such a lovely girl and is really pretty. She is really genuine and down to earth and I can listen to her laugh all day.

#3. She has such a beautiful soul. She was a little shy when I met her first but as I get to know her, she is coming out of her shell and is such a kind and caring person.

#4. She is really bubbly and we have a lot in common but again have only met for a coffee once due to a shared interest but I don't know if she meant it as a romantic meeting.

Now, I'm not saying any of these actually fancy me but I get a bit of a vibe off a few and this is totally new for me because in the past, I would have had no options.
I don't want to lead any on and hurt them in case they start to like me and I just bin them after that.
I've never had a gf and am not used to this side of things. I suffer from OCD so I know I overthink a lot of things but I'm not sure if this is a normal reaction.

Thanks

Rubberchikken

i think there's way too much over thinking going on. focusing so much on numbering them and placing them.in order.. instead focus on getting to know some girl.

Red Lightning

Rubberchikken wrote:

i think there's way too much over thinking going on. focusing so much on numbering them and placing them.in order.. instead focus on getting to know some girl.

That's for the reply. I think ya hit the nail on the head there lol

My only worry is that I keep chatting to some of the women and then if one of them starts to really like me and I go a different way then I could really hurt her.
Also, I don't mean this in a cocky way, I've really liked girls in the past who haven't returned the feelings and it really hit me hard.

zapper55

Good advice from rubberchicken.

The one thing I'd add is when I was online dating I found any more than 2 guys and I never really gave myself a chance to know them, it was too distracting talking to loads. I used to hide my profile when I was talking to 2 or 3 guys.

In my experience half the people on it are flaky and will cancel dates or disappear so dating a few people is good idea alright .

Good luck with it. And if someone doesn't seem very interested, no matter how attractive they are to you, it'll just be a headwreck. Though when I was younger I would be more interested in those that seemed a bit unattainable, more to do with my confidence issues more than anything then.

Mr. Incognito

Hi there

That's great.

Welcome to internet dating.

Be assured that of your list of 5 at least 3 will also be talking to 5/6 lads or more.

Real relationships are actually hard work. Sometimes that hard work is focusing on one person.

I wish I had learned that 10 years ago.

ChrissieH

I really don't think that you need to be overly concerned already with hurting one of these girls.. it's not that easy to be hurt by someone that you don't have a close relationship with so the most efficient thing to do is to try to meet up with each one of the girls you're interested in, spend an hour in their company without any sort of expectations, go away and think about how you feel after getting to know them a bit better.
The physical rankings you've given them can change drastically once you've spent time with them - i.e. you might think girl 1 is the most beautiful woman you've ever seen now, but you might spend time with girl 3 and hit it off with her, arrange to meet again and suddenly she seems like the most beautiful woman you've ever seen and girl 1 is forgotten about - that's the nature of initial physical attraction leading to something deeper, and it's the same for everyone - they'll be in the exact same boat as you are, so you don't have to worry that just because you meet a girl for a date, she's totally invested in you and assuming that a relationship is on the cards.
This is just the first step, there's no commitments or expectations yet, so make the most of this time by casting your net wide, meet a few people and see who you form connections with. enjoy it!!

Red Lightning

Thank you Chrissie. Ill definitely take on your advice.

Also, thanks to everyone else for their input.

woodchuck

OP I'm going to assume you've met these women online, but correct me if I'm wrong. It would be helpful to know how many dates you've been on with each? It sounds like very early days yet, but it's just not clear how early. If after 2 or 3 dates you're not feeling drawn to any one of them in particular, you might want to consider that none of them are the one for you.

ginandtonicsky

Here's a tip. Google "paradox of choice". This is why many people fail to find anything meaningful on these dating apps and ultimately find them to be a time-consuming and addictive waste of time at the end of it all.

The more choice we think we have, the less likely we are to actually choose anyone at all. You get "grass is greener" syndrome and become astonishingly picky about superficial things that ultimately matter jack sh1t, and lose the ability to live in the moment and judge people on their own merits.

None of my exes were guys I met online. I'd totally have swiped left on their profiles if I'd seen them online, because on these apps there are countless men that are "better options" for me. But that I'd have fcuk all connection with.

In reality you won't have a real connection with any one of these women, because you're measuring them against one another and are falling into the FOMO trap of "she's nice but what about the next one". And don't forget these women are going through the very same thing.

Give women a chance. Be vulnerable to liking someone and investing time and energy in them and not lining up 6 other women as a back up. Be honest about your intentions and don't be afraid to have the awkward conversation if you're not feeling it after a few dates. And for the love of god don't ghost anyone.

Red Lightning

None were online. First two were at my old job, one is from yoga and one is from my town.
Haven't actually dated any either but have been vibing with them so feel like there could be something in all of them. Could be completely wrong too.

woodchuck

OP why not just try asking each of them on a date then? No offence intended, but it's a slim chance that all of them are going to say yes. You may completely remove this issue of having too many options then. If more than one say yes, then go on a date with each of them and see how you both feel after that.

Red Lightning

woodchuck wrote:

OP why not just try asking each of them on a date then? No offence intended, but it's a slim chance that all of them are going to say yes. You may completely remove this issue of having too many options then. If more than one say yes, then go on a date with each of them and see how you both feel after that.

That's a good idea. Simple yet probably my best bet. Thanks