New relationship fears

HaloTop

I'm starting to date again after getting out of a long relationship. I feel ready etc etc but it seems sex is just such a big thing now. Everyone wants sex after a couple of dates. I'm afraid to get into a relationship again because of the constant need for sex. Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with sex but I've such a phobia of getting pregnant that it turns me off sex.
I don't want to have sex with strangers or someone I'm not dating exclusively. I don't want one night stands.

LegacyUser

If you're worried about getting pregnant go on the pill or find a contraception you're happy with and can trust. Always insist on condoms anyway at the start til you've both been tested.

If after sorting contraception you're still stressed/have a phobia you need to see a professional- you can't carry that into a new relationship and expect the other person to be ok with it

Addle

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Don't have one night stands.

Dial Hard

Addle wrote:

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't have one night stands.

This, OP. But I would also say that it's not normal or healthy to have such a phobia of getting pregnant that you're actively avoiding sex because of it. Say you do meet someone who's happy to take it slowly, you both fall for eachother and end up in a committed relationship - how will you deal with the sex "issue" then? Not wanting to have casual sex is a bit of a red herring, imo; your issue is your phobia, not the actual sex itself. I think you need to work on this rather than kicking the can down the road by telling yourself you're just not interested in hook ups and ONS.

Idle Passerby

You know your not obliged to have sex just because someone you've met a few times suggests it. Don't be worried about turning people off you if you refuse. Anyone that walks because your not ready yet isn't on the same page as you anyway. Don't do anything your not comfortable with, anyone that has a problem with that aren't the one for you.

Jurgen Klopp

Idle Passerby wrote: »

You know your not obliged to have sex just because someone you've met a few times suggests it. Don't be worried about turning people off you if you refuse. Anyone that walks because your not ready yet isn't on the same page as you anyway. Don't do anything your not comfortable with, anyone that has a problem with that aren't the one for you.

I'd agree. If they bring up sex within date 2, 3 whatever you can just say listen I don't sleep with a fella until we're seeing each other X amount of time whatever suits

Also, go on teh pill and also use condom's will protect you

HaloTop

I think I'm okay with saying I'm not interested in one night stands or casual sex. However my fear is that after 3/4 dates what if they want sex and I want to wait until I'm in a relationship. I don't wanna be seen as some prude but the thoughts make me very anxious.

LegacyUser

HaloTop wrote: »

I think I'm okay with saying I'm not interested in one night stands or casual sex. However my fear is that after 3/4 dates what if they want sex and I want to wait until I'm in a relationship. I don't wanna be seen as some prude but the thoughts make me very anxious.

So what if they think you're a prude? You'll weed out a lot of time wasting, juvenile losers, OP. Any man who thinks you're a prude, or thinks less of you because you'd rather wait, is hardly a man worth your time and energy.

Don't stress so much about it. Some people are more casual about sex and others aren't - neither is right or wrong, just personal preference.

If you meet a guy you like and you feel it's going somewhere just be upfront about how you feel about sex and let him decide whether that's something he's happy with. If he isn't, he won't hang about.

Cash_Q

HaloTop wrote:

I think I'm okay with saying I'm not interested in one night stands or casual sex. However my fear is that after 3/4 dates what if they want sex and I want to wait until I'm in a relationship. I don't wanna be seen as some prude but the thoughts make me very anxious.

If you want to enter a relationship with someone, their views on sex need to be compatible with yours. If they see you as a prude for not wanting to have sex after 3/4 dates, then they're probably not suitable to enter a relationship with. Perhaps you'll meet someone who also believes in waiting to form a relationship before having sex

Emme

If you only want sex in a committed exclusive relationship don't compromise. Be upfront and tell people you only want sex in a committed exclusive relationship if they ask you to sleep with them.

You have a right to your values and saying no at the start will weed out the messers, players, losers and time-wasters.

HaloTop

I think I'd kinda convinced myself that it was the norm to have sex after a couple of dates. I haven't been single in a long time so now that I am the dating scene is very different and it's a stressful place to be