Friends keep making gay jokes towards me, trying to tell me I'm gay, when I'm not

devlinio

[snip]

Thanks for all the answers. I'm deleting this as I don't to be identified. Please lock or ideally delete this thread.

Thanks again.

RebelButtMunch

<SNIP>

They don't sound like friends to me. Leave the chat and let them talk to you in person

MissShihTzu

They're not friends. These sound like immature idiots. Block, ignore and get you some new friends.

ziedth

At the risk of going against the grain here OP I think it's a bit hysterical to jump straight to "there not your friends"

Guys (and certainly younger age groups) can just have a few pops at each other over things and if it is seen to be getting to the person you can to rub it in that bit more. My best friends would all fairly constantly take any opportunity we can to get one over each other on the group chat and we're all in our 30's.

The Gay Bar thing would be a fairly good example going as far to get into an argument presumably On a night out over not wanting to one seems a but heavy handed. Nothing wrong with not wanting to go to one as such but I can see how it would lead to some jibes.

Then going as far to say your "done with them" if it keeps up again seems very dramatic.

Unless I'm picking you up wrong OP and this has been a fairly relentless messaging for the couple of months or calling you something a bit more sinister like "fagg0t" or something to be honest I think your being a bit precious.

wiggle16

While I agree that your friends should stop when asked, I do think you are being a bit precious about this. You're being over the top by considering ending your friendship over it, if they are otherwise good friends.

As you say yourself, they are getting a reaction out of you - thats whats fuelling it and makes it so "funny" to them. It's unlikely they realise how upset you are over it. You need to have a thicker skin over stuff like this. I'm gay myself and took serious slagging about it from my friends when we were younger. You can't let it get to you.

If you haven't already, just send them a calm message asking them to stop, because you feel it's going too far and is bothering you.

On the other side, you should really think about why this is bothering you so much and what it is about it thats prompting this reaction. (And no, I'm not insinuating that you are insecure about your sexuality, just to be clear).

MarkR

My friends have nicknamed me "the jew" for years. I guess I was better at saving money than them. ðŸ˜

I still play poker with them every couple of weeks, and I wished them a happy Hanukkah this year. 🕎🔯

Lean into it. Wish them a fabulous new year.

Rubberchikken

play their game and turn it on them a little.
yeah its stupid what they're doing but maybe they're silly enough to keep it going while they're getting a response from you .

Plumbthedepths

Your mates are winding you up and your reactions are what is keeping it going. Stop reacting negatively just accept it for the bit of fun it is intended as and it will eventually stop.

Zorya

Well, actually, all this lean into and live with it advice and lighten up, would not be what I would counsel. Lads can be total pr1cks sometimes, and can single out and scapegoat a member of their group for so-called laughs and be relentless about it, and it is not worth leaning into it.

They might be worth giving a chance to, you will know best, but on the other hand they just might not be your mates. If the latter is the case you will be better off without them. I think one of life's greatest skills is to be able to be happy and strong alone, rather than always sacrificing to stay part of the clique.

One of mine had this sh1te for a while, and it is not funny at all after the first while. It is social bullying, social spring-boarding by goms who don't have much in the way of imagination or maturity. It's very hurtful to be persistently called gay or to be the butt of the gang's joke. You are perfectly justified to feel pissed off at them. They are being unpleasant.

I'd not say any more to them, drop the chat group, go out into the world and do activities you are interested in that bring you into contact with other people, like join a martial arts club or take up wall climbing or something. Start something completely new, a new adventure. Maybe those lads or one or two of them might cop the hell on, but maybe they won't. There are good people out there who won't think it funny to be so unpleasant and you can make new friends.

Some people you will look back at years later and wonder why the feck you ever gave them the benefit of the doubt.

the_pen_turner

Zorya wrote: »

Well, actually, all this lean into and live with it advice and lighten up, would not be what I would counsel. Lads can be total pr1cks sometimes, and can single out and scapegoat a member of their group for so-called laughs and be relentless about it, and it is not worth leaning into it.

They might be worth giving a chance to, you will know best, but on the other hand they just might not be your mates. If the latter is the case you will be better off without them. I think one of life's greatest skills is to be able to be happy and strong alone, rather than always sacrificing to stay part of the clique.

One of mine had this sh1te for a while, and it is not funny at all after the first while. It is social bullying, social spring-boarding by goms who don't have much in the way of imagination or maturity. It's very hurtful to be persistently called gay or to be the butt of the gang's joke. You are perfectly justified to feel pissed off at them. They are being unpleasant.

I'd not say any more to them, drop the chat group, go out into the world and do activities you are interested in that bring you into contact with other people, like join a martial arts club or take up wall climbing or something. Start something completely new, a new adventure. Maybe those lads or one or two of them might cop the hell on, but maybe they won't. There are good people out there who won't think it funny to be so unpleasant and you can make new friends.

Some people you will look back at years later and wonder why the feck you ever gave them the benefit of the doubt.

i would agree with that when the time comes but for now i think its overkill. OP has friends (not great but still friends) . leaving everythime you are the but of the joke will only lead to isolation.

when they start rilling you up and calling you gay start pushing back ( pardon the pun ) and twist it back on them. say stuff like your father didnt mind last night etc. all they want is to get the OP rilled up and to get a reaction.



stand up for yourself and insult them back. they will respect you more for it.


but if it crosses the line then its time to walk away

Dial Hard

the_pen_turner wrote:

stand up for yourself and insult them back. they will respect you more for it.

Jesus Christ. And people wonder why young men struggle with their feelings.

wiggle16

the_pen_turner wrote: »

stand up for yourself and insult them back. they will respect you more for it.

This won't put an end to anything - nothing about that conveys to the friends that the OP is genuinely upset about it. This is just playing the game and it will only make things worse. I'm all for standing up for yourself, but upping the stakes with the insults will just feed it. That's all a part of "the laugh".

Why are you so interested in me being gay?... Are you trying to ask me out?... Are you scared you might like it? - there's a million and one come-backs you can give but at the end of the day all you're doing is participating in the joke when you slag back. If it's not a joke and it's gone too far then don't treat it like one. Be a grown up and tell them to stop, you've had enough.

OP if it's bothering you then you just need to say it to them directly and ask them to stop because it's going too far for too long. If they don't stop after that then nothing else is going to stop them and it's at that point that I would question if they are worth calling friends after all.

Bubbaclaus

Do you think you might be gay or bi OP? These kind of jokes happen between young men, the fact you seem to be overly sensitive to these ones hints towards it being a bit personal for you?

For example - if a friend kept calling me fat when I was skinny it wouldn't bother me. Whereas if he was calling me fat and I actually was fat it would bother me and I would be sensitive about it.

MissShihTzu

You know, I really don't understand some of the responses on here. From the OP, it would seem that the friend's insults are getting to him and upsetting him. Why the hell should he put up with insults if they upset him? And to be called 'precious'? Please!!!

Some people would treat this differently and slag them back. That's great. Good for them. Personally, that's the way I would handle it, but everyone's level of tolerance is different. The OP does not like it, so there is no reason why he should put up with the insults. That's it. Whether he is actually gay or not is irrelevant and none of our business.

That is also why I suggested he block and move on if it is upsetting him so much. That advice still stands. Up to him.

devlinio

SNIP

Plumbthedepths

devlinio wrote:

Maybe I am the odd one in the group. I'm the only that seems to have an interest is Politics, Investments, My Career, making money ect. No one ever seems to enjoy these topics.

Well if you have nothing in common with your present friends, maybe it's time to leave the group and move on.

devlinio

Plumbthedepths wrote: »

Well if you have nothing in common with your present friends, maybe it's time to leave the group and move on.

snip

the_pen_turner

wiggle16 wrote: »

This won't put an end to anything - nothing about that conveys to the friends that the OP is genuinely upset about it. This is just playing the game and it will only make things worse. I'm all for standing up for yourself, but upping the stakes with the insults will just feed it. That's all a part of "the laugh".

Why are you so interested in me being gay?... Are you trying to ask me out?... Are you scared you might like it? - there's a million and one come-backs you can give but at the end of the day all you're doing is participating in the joke when you slag back. If it's not a joke and it's gone too far then don't treat it like one. Be a grown up and tell them to stop, you've had enough.

OP if it's bothering you then you just need to say it to them directly and ask them to stop because it's going too far for too long. If they don't stop after that then nothing else is going to stop them and it's at that point that I would question if they are worth calling friends after all.

i would start with having banter back . it might show them your not going to be the but of the joke anymore. they might move on to someone else or cop on and stop

if that didnt work then tell them to cop on

if that didnt work then you can move way from the friendship knowing you tried .



going all guns blazing wont help either. you cant run from every situation that upset you . you have to try and have a few friends

Plumbthedepths

devlinio wrote:

Maybe I am the odd one in the group. I'm the only that seems to have an interest is Politics, Investments, My Career, making money ect. No one ever seems to enjoy these topics.

devlinio wrote:

Our friendship is literally based around football. Playing football, watching football ect.

Ok so? Anyway hope you get it sorted. Take care.