How long to get over a friend?

LegacyUser

I had a buddy I met in work nearly 5 years ago, we played soccer together, had the same sense of humour and clicked straight away and became close buddies in work. Sometimes we would go for a few scoops but he has a drink problem so he never really socialised that much out of work. This year he was going through a rough time at home, I think his family are at war over some money, the usual. We are both late 30s male, im married, hes always been single and its never come up, I don't pry about his business. About last summer, he got very quiet with me so I left him be a bit but then he just totally blanked me when I said hello or tried to engage him, which left me very confused. He wasn't being like that to anyone else so after a few weeks of this I asked him why he was mad at me.

He literally just walked up to me and said "Just fcuk off will you, find another puppet", I was stunned I coudlnt even reply. He walked off before I could even ask what he meant by it, I cant think of anything I did, I was never hurtful or off with him, he was my buddy. After that, I just put a line under it and stayed out of his way but even 8 months later, it sometimes gnaws at me, was I a pr!ck to him? Did I miss some signs that he didn't like me? Its made me a bit fearful of my other friendships but I don't want one confusing end to a buddy affect me that much. Any advice on how I can just try and move on and still be myself without doubting myself as a person? Hes become a stranger to me now and I still feel sad about it but it cant be normal to still be churning it around after months?

mistress_gi

I went through a similar situation with, who I thought, was a very good friend.
Never really found out what, if anything, I did wrong.
It took me over a year to get over it, you just have to move on... That's what I did.
Good luck

iamwhoiam

Is it possible someone in work said something to him that wasn't quite true ? It seems odd for it to come from nowhere ? Could you e mail him and write what you have written here ? Must say I too would be keen to hear what happened

joeguevara

The puppet comment is the most pertinent part. He obviously felt somewhat used by you and not a real friend. There are two parts of your post that may have lead him to believe that (. I am not in anyway saying you did or he was right). Firstly you said that you didn’t socialize much outside of work because of his drink problem. Maybe he wanted to do other things other than the pub but you didn’t seem interested. Secondly you said you didn’t pry about his personal problems. He may have felt that you weren’t interested or didn’t care and only talked about yourself.

I may be completely wrong but based on the information you gave it is possible. For someone to go off the way he did it was obviously bubbling for a long time. Not sure how to mend it or even if you want to.

If a friend did something bad to me I cut them out immediately and never look back. It doesn’t seem that you did anything intentionally so it may be more difficult for you. Hope everything works out.

dubrov

He obviously thinks you've done something that is enough to end the friendship.

Just ask him what it is as it may be based on lies

BBFAN

It strikes me that you call this guy a friend but yet you admit, you know nothing about why he's single, you know nothing about his drink problem and you know nothing about the problems he had with his family.

Immediately what's jumping out at me there is if I was said friend I would think you're only interested in the part of me that has the craic with you, nothing else.

I can fully understand why he would tell you to fcuk off tbh. Do you not see it?

You were only friends when you were having fun?