Ive started drinking to deal with emotional difficulties

LegacyUser

Hi can anyone offer advice?
Ive had depression, anxiety and self esteem issues since my late teens, im now in my early 30's. As a teenager I used to cut and I still have the scars, my parents never noticed and if they did, they ignored it as they did with all problems that arose within the family home.
I moved away for college and developed agoraphobia, sleeping problems, generalized and social anxiety and clinical depression. I tried to seek help but I was very poor, couldnt afford food and had no support network in family or friends, the college counselor was of no help and I felt like I was burdening her with my problems.
I tried to kill myself but instead of helping or supporting me my mother stopped speaking to me and sent me back to live with my abusive boyfriend (now ex), I was never brought to a doctor or hospital, my family just didnt care and didnt want to know. My dad convinced her to let me move back home after college, only for this I would have had to stay with my ex as I couldnt afford to move out.
The last few years have been very difficult, ive had allot of loneliness, isolation and feelings of sadness and worthlessness, taking my life has crossed my mind but I dont think ill do it.
Ive tried to get help several times but ive lost all hope of sorting myself out now, ive had some awful experiences with low cost counselors until I was eventually referred to a psychologist by a new gp. I couldnt believe my gp referred me, Id heard of people getting referrals before but it was never suggested to me up until this point, I was overwhelmed that someone was actually willing to help me and not fob me off or undermine how I was feeling.

The psychologist was great although I had to wait 6 months or the appointment and only received 6 weeks of therapy, I felt a change in myself coming up to the final week, I really needed more therapy but I was told I would have to wait another 6 months before I could be referred a second time. In total that would have been a year waiting for another 6 weeks of therapy, The psychologist referred me to abuse counselling as I had a difficult childhood but that was almost a year ago and I have never heard from the counselling service, I rang several months ago but they told me I am on a waiting list.

Ive accepted the fact now that there is no help for people like me, I dont have a supportive network of friends or family, no partner, just me on my own and no one wants to deal with that. I have tried again and again and again to get myself help and get myself some kind of normal, fulfilling life but as the years go by the worse it gets and I am drained running in circles trying to get the mental health support I need.

Alcoholism runs in my family, I have an alcoholic parent and several alcoholic aunts and uncles, I have seen first hand how alcohol has ruined their lives and I always felt very perplexed at how they could drink excessively everyday but lately ive found myself reaching for a bottle of wine every night to deal with how im feeling, when I drink I feel better, I forget my problems and I feel less lonely. I dont want to end up like my alcoholic relatives but I cant deal with this emotional pain anymore, Ive tried every route to get my life on track, I got myself a good education and worked hard, had a healthy diet, exercised, kept busy but im still as lonely and sad as ever and no one cares about me.

Big Bag of Chips

Hi OP,
Please know that you do not have to deal with this on your own.

We encourage people experiencing difficulties to talk to someone they trust and, if appropriate, to go to their GP. If you need help urgently and outside of GP hours, please go to your nearest A&E department.

Here at Boards.ie our moderators are not trained to support people experiencing difficulties. There are other organisations better positioned to provide specialised support. These organisations are listed below. We hope that you will follow these up so that you can get the help and support you need.

If you need immediate help:
Aware’s Support Line is open 7 days per week, 10am-10pm on 1800 804 848

The Samaritan’s phone line is open 24/7 on 116 123

Pieta offer one-to-one, face-to-face support. Click 'Contact us' to find the phone number and opening hours of your nearest branch on their site or email mary@pieta.ie for advice on getting an appointment.

If you need non-urgent help:
Aware have a support email service at supportmail@aware.ie

There are some other useful services that you can use also listed here.

Rubberchikken

youre aware that you need help and you sound like you want to do something about this isdue so thats a great start.
youre not alone, there are some excellent organisations and support groups that are just waiting for you to contact them.

the advice above ^^ is excellent . both aware and the samaritans are wonderful. you could try a local AA meeting if you felt up to it.

asking for help is a hugh step but youve already started here so dont stop now.
best of luck

nthclare

It's not too late to find a 12 step programme or lifering before Christmas.

It'll be a start, it might be of support and you'll meet people from all walks of life with the same story.

What you did in Spade's or Diamonds they did in diamonds or spades.

From Park Avenue to Park Bench....

It's your own decision, its my 15th Christmas sober and I stopped drinking at 27.

It's a wonderful journey.
I totally rebuild my life, minute by minute,day by day,week by week, month by month, year by year... into decades now...

Judging by some of my post's on board's they're not very sober, but I suppose I am who I am...
Lol

Wishing you well OP

Church on Tuesday

Turning into an alcoholic wrote: »

Alcoholism runs in my family, I have an alcoholic parent and several alcoholic aunts and uncles, I have seen first hand how alcohol has ruined their lives and I always felt very perplexed at how they could drink excessively everyday but lately ive found myself reaching for a bottle of wine every night to deal with how im feeling, when I drink I feel better, I forget my problems and I feel less lonely. I dont want to end up like my alcoholic relatives but I cant deal with this emotional pain anymore, Ive tried every route to get my life on track, I got myself a good education and worked hard, had a healthy diet, exercised, kept busy but im still as lonely and sad as ever and no one cares about me.

Hi there

This part stuck out for me.

To come from a place of abuse and achieve an education and degree whilst suffering is massively impressive.

I also think it was brave to step away from your abusive ex, far too often vulnerable people stay with people who are no good for them. I've seen it first hand and it is sad.

You are clearly aware of your own self worth and of your problem with alcohol. That is only a good thing.

I have, for the last couple years, been relying on alcohol to blot out bad memories. Just like you. I have been trying to cut back this last while and determined to get back on track. So you are not alone.

Because you are aware of your own self worth, you have a wonderful building block to build on. You mentioned you exercised and tried to eat well; focus on that, I can speak for myself that that works wonders. When you are up for it try to seek some employment (if you don't already) too for your own benefit or volunteer

The numbers and info you see above you will also help tremendously. You are not alone in this.

Lastly, you are sad and lonely, I know that feeling too. It is not easy.

But you strike me as a tough individual and your experiences, in time, will hold you in great stead so that when the time comes and someone you care about needs you, you will have the experience to empathize and support them.

Chin up, look after yourself, try to stay positive (not easy I know) and resolute.

In time all of this will pass.

Mickboy21

<SNIPPED>

Every day is a new beginning and an opetruinuity , I'm 22 now and had a hard few years at my late teens, but i got through because i wasnt alone, your never alone there is always help , keep fighting and keep your head high ! Never give up

YoungRogerian

Best of luck to the OP. All I'd add is the AA and Lifering stuff isn't for everyone. At the end of the day if every Irish person who had a drink problem went to these support groups, there would be a waiting list for years. If you feel these groups help then great, but personally I found AA absolutely awful and Lifering, while much better are still not for me. Not everyone who has a drink problem is an alcoholic, most of us aren't. Not everyone who is an alcoholic will want to define themselves by it. Find the solution that works for you.