Anyone else get this sometimes?

LegacyUser

Just looking for some feedback and to hear if this is something that crops up for others.

I want to really emphasise first of all that I'm a guy in my late 30s who 98% of the time or thereabouts is a pretty happy go lucky, contented guy. I have really great family and friends, a brilliant job and an amazing, kind girlfriend of around 6 months who I have loads of fun with - we travel together and just enjoy life, so all good.

Anyway, 7 years ago I did have depression for a few months which resolved thankfully, all with the support of said family and friends and just talking things through and finally letting go of all the negative thoughts and rumination. I wouldn't say depression runs in the family but a few family members have had it so maybe we are prone to it or variants thereof!

Since that happened though, I've been great and pretty much just my happy go lucky, easy going self, as I said. Around a year and a half ago though, something random happened which really upset me (it was just something someone said), and I felt really bad after it. It was nothing personal whatsoever, just the words upset me as they related to something that is repellent to me.

I got over it then though and didn't think about it at all really shortly after it happened. Fast forward then to March this year when I was on a night out and probably drank a bit more than usual (and had a few shots which were probably of dubious quality - I rarely have them).

I was very much a social drinker and never had a problem with it whatsoever, although like a lot of Irish people I would regularly have had maybe 5-6 pints plus shorts (gin and tonics) on an average night out a couple of times a month. This is actually binge drinking I know, and it seems over time it can have an effect in reducing serotonin levels, etc. Who knows what effect alcohol has on some people over 20+ years?

That night however, I must have had a bit more than usual, was probably a bit tired and then had the free shots which could easily have been barely fit for consumption! That weekend I felt really terrible and I kept replaying the bad memory from last year. I actually decided to quit drinking then as I didn't want to feel that way again and felt generally it'd be a good idea to give it up for a while to focus on fitness and other things. It was the first time since I was a teenager that I had actually stopped for anything longer than a few weeks.

That bad experience actually turned into a hugely positive one in lots of ways though, as giving up drinking led to me losing a load of weight. I also gave up dairy products and became vegan for a while, and I've gone from being overweight to people saying I've lost a huge amount of weight and that I look great. I do feel and look great and my resting heart rate has even dropped - I'm just a lot fitter all round now and looking many years younger than my age.

The reason I am posting though is that every so often - maybe every few weeks or once a month - that memory does come back and I feel a bit sad and empty when it does, it's like a recurring thought where a certain phrase pops up and I think about it a bit and it makes me feel a bit sad / down. I went to the doctor for a chat a few months back and she gave me the number of a therapist but said to maybe only go if I really felt I needed it.

I had also started reading a book on CBT and so she could see I was looking into root causes and how to help myself. I also found an incredible book called 'Stop thinking, start living' by a brilliant guy called Richard Carlson (a psychotherapist), which is absolutely amazing and explains something I never truly understood - that our thoughts cause our feelings and that that's a process that happens so quickly and subtly we don't even realise it's happening! We don't need to pursue our trains of thought, we can just let them float on by, observe them but not feel the need to engage them.

I am now aware of this fact and I do let thoughts float on by and before I know it I am all good again. It's just a little upsetting when the thoughts from that one memory come back every so often, but I do know they are just thoughts. I plan to re-read Dr. Carlson's book again as while I've always worked out and been aware of physical fitness and the need to train my body, I haven't done the same for my mind, like most people I guess.

I am also getting into mindfulness, yoga and reading books to train it and to remind myself of what is in that book and to give myself some perspective. I am also getting into Stoic philosophy, which has greatly influenced CBT.

Anyway, didn't intend to write that much! I just wanted to hear from other people and their experiences, have you ever felt the same and so on. And also, do you find that moderate drinking is ok, I know it depends but I have a night out next week, just for a few drinks but I am not sure if I will have a few pints or not. I don't miss drinking but I like an do miss the warm glow you get with friends when you have a few social drinks. I've never had the kind of hangover I had in March before either, and so I am thinking a few pints should be fine?

Thank you, if you read all that! I would love to hear what people think! Also interested in the points on having a drink / alcohol, of course it is a depressant but could occasional and moderate drinking actually have a beneficial effect?

dellas1979

Bit confused by your post.

Are you asking if its ok to drink occasionally to deaden thoughts?
Or
After you are drinking, the thoughts come on and how to stop them?

Personally, I would stay away from alcohol altogether if am feeling vulnerable/upset/sad.

I believe we hold a lot of feelings, repressed or not, in our livers. And guess what processes alcohol?

First port of call would be to figure out why that comment affected you so much. Why are you so shook after it. And how to learn to live/cope with it.

Alcohol is used (or really, abused) to cope when someone doesnt have (healthy) coping skills (talking about their issues (to a friend or professional), being proactive in doing things, going for a walk in nature, being still, staying away from alcohol, fitness, having a glass of water while the feeling is there, and by the time youve finished the glass, move on to a different thought - these are coping skills)

Rubberchikken

if you find that you cant just have 1 or 2 and then stop maybe not having any is the answer.
you dont say what was said to you but have you examined why it had such an impact on.your mental health.
drink can make a person morose if they're inclined to dwell on things said or done in the past that havent been handled well or dealt with.

maybe even talking to a professional once or twice might help to put thus issue to bed.
good luck

Jessie1965

You said the words were not personal to me but were about something repellent to me. You have a hard time admitting words can upset you. Words can upset anyone. It's not a sign of depression, or any sort of illness to get upset at anything. Getting upset is what normal people do when words are said that upset them.
I sense you have a feeling of shame around your dose of what you called depression. It's natural to feel ashamed of having had an unwanted detour in your path through life. It's natural but it feels very uncomfortable for you. You were maybe uncomfortable and you have high standards now for what you consider makes you acceptable to yourself and others. You achieved goals in fitness and weight loss but you need approval, even forgiveness to yourself from others and from yourself to yourself that you had an unwanted detour that wasn't the desired happy gp lucky picture you like to be.
But what were you angry/depressed about? Was there unfairness or injustice? Stress overload caused by people you lived with and/or worked with in the run up to your depression? Are you in denial about your own angers because you need to see yourself as good, and happy? Anger is just how you feel, don't put a judgement on any of your emotions and you'll be able to see the cause of them more clearly. It might have been other peoples actions, words etc. Emotions are all normal for what you're experiencing or thinking about, or physical state, tiredness, weariness, hunger, thirst, cold or too warm.
A physical feeling of stress is just a sign to stop ruminating and divert attention deliberately to read a bit out of a book or focus on something simple nearby that's not emotionally demanding. Our bodies signal our emotional needs this way for simplicity and easier things to think about. Doing a crossword or word search is a good way to get a brain that loves thinking to think about something easier, and much less emotionally demanding than figuring out human nature.

q85dw7osi4lebg

<SNIP>

OP, try this.

Next time the thought pops into your head, say “hey, there you are again, do your best” (aka come at me, don’t be afraid of it )

Almost guarantee it’ll be months before it happens again and then you just do the same again until it has been years.

It’s rumination but at a longer interval.

Drink, caffeine and aspartame were my triggers so I cut out the aspartame and reduced the other two (still go on a bender every now and then and end up with 48 hours of anxiety).

Try it, may take a few days but it worked for me.

Good luck.

q85dw7osi4lebg

PS when I get that certaint thought myself every now and then half the downer with it is that I fear I’m heading into that negative place again (never happens). Also meant to add Tonic as something to remove, doesn’t always happen but every now and then tonic as opposed to gin can throw me off (maybe the quinine ).