Stupidest thing you ever said

UCD GroupThink

Lets hear it! And what made you say it.

Please keep the jokes to a minimum.

Signore Fancy Pants

https://touch.boards.ie/search/?userid=896510&sort=newest

Don't Chute!

I do.

Cockadoodledoo

“well how are you” to a woman who just buried her husband.

Or

“Can I make an appointment for a wash, cut and blowj*b”.

On both occasions I repeatedly said to myself don’t say it, don’t say it.... and then I said it :O

orourkeda1977

Yes. Yes I will have another Jagerbomb.

UCD GroupThink

Cockadoodledoo wrote: »

“Can I make an appointment for a wash, cut and blowj*b”.

So this wasn't a slip up?

Greyfox

Going out on a Sat night and my ex gf asked how do I look..

I replied with you look grand..

She never forgave me for that 😥

Signore Fancy Pants

UCD GroupThink wrote: »

Comment reported

LOL

frag420

To my best friends Dad about 10 mins after burying his wife and still at the graveside...

“Howya John,good to see ya, thanks for coming“

Fooking almost jumped into another empty grave with embarrassment!

UCD GroupThink

UCD GroupThink wrote: »

Lets hear it! And what made you say it.

Please keep the jokes to a minimum.

Venison's dear, isn't it.

waffleman

20/20 vision? Sure mine is 50/50

Howd they get that gorilla to play the drums in that cadburys ad?

harry Bailey esq

waffleman wrote: »

20/20?

Jesus that stuff was rocketfuel.
On topic, I regularly say thanks/nice one/cheers to atm machines

Agricola

"I think I'll have a double this time, it is Christmas"

Cockadoodledoo

frag420 wrote: »

To my best friends Dad about 10 mins after burying his wife and still at the graveside...

“Howya John,good to see ya, thanks for coming“

Fooking almost jumped into another empty grave with embarrassment!

Am I reading this right. You thanked the husband of the deceased for going to the funeral?

harry Bailey esq

Cockadoodledoo wrote: »

Am I reading this right. You thanked the husband of the deceased for going to the funeral?

Funeral related, a close relative died a few years back. An elderly lady comes up, and says to me 'peace be with you son' to which I replied, pleased to meet you.

Edgware

Suck honey, blow is just a figure of speech

Faugheen

Did an early shift with a (attractive but married) female colleague of mine.

She said “I can’t wait for this to be finished, I need my bed,” or something to that effect.

I replied “I think I may need your bed too,” instead of referring to my own *facepalm*

In fairness she laughed and the whole company knows about it now. It was just one of those things. Thankfully she saw the funny side to it.

house45

One time I was waiting on a lift to open when a really attractive women inside the lift, the door opened and I asked without thinking ,CAN I DOWN ON YOU . Awakward

retro:electro

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

Funeral related, a close relative died a few years back. An elderly lady comes up, and says to me 'peace be with you son' to which I replied, pleased to meet you.

Reminds me of the time I was exiting a funeral home and doing one of those long goodbyes to someone as we were both walking away from each other and she said about the deceased “‘‘twas an ease to her” and I misheard and said “and happy Easter to you too”


Yeah. Funerals are awkward.

UCD GroupThink

Greyfox wrote: »

Going out on a Sat night and my ex gf asked how do I look..

I replied with you look grand..

She never forgave me for that ��

I don't get it

FTA69

Few months ago me colleague’s brother died; I was back from holiday and didn’t know. Three of them came in wearing suits after going to the funeral and I pipes up and says “Jesus lads ye’re fierce dapper, is someone dead or what it looks like you’re off to a funeral or something.”

Ha ha three bemused and horrified Africans staring at me like I’d two heads and everyone in the office pure disgusted.

Blitzkrieger

Once, while working in a takeaway I asked an attractive girl in a low cut top if she wanted "Salt and vinegar on tits?" I don't think she heard....

Esel

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Once, while working in a takeaway I asked an attractive girl in a low cut top if she wanted "Salt and vinegar on tits?" I don't think she heard....

Would you like fries with twat?

Sirsok

Got caught in an argument in Melbourne in my younger years. Both sides being held back by group we were with.
Typical shouting

"yeah come say that to my face"
"**** off"
"Ill kick your head in etc...."

Until i shout
"Yeah well suck my little dick"

Pause

Everyone started laughing, even my mates, whole situation diffused, and i accepted defeat and got in a taxi.

mfceiling

To a visitor at our house the other night..."come in out of the cold cause you wouldn't put your mother in law out in that weather"...


























She buried her mother in law 2 weeks ago.

Church on Tuesday

UCD GroupThink wrote: »

I don't get it

To any lady friend that you are seeing or may do in the future you never, EVER say "you look grand".

Super-Rush

Finishing a call with a customer i said love you instead of goodbye.

FTA69

Sirsok wrote: »

Got caught in an argument in Melbourne in my younger years. Both sides being held back by group we were with.
Typical shouting

"yeah come say that to my face"
"**** off"
"Ill kick your head in etc...."

Until i shout
"Yeah well suck my little dick"

Pause

Everyone started laughing, even my mates, whole situation diffused, and i accepted defeat and got in a taxi.

Ahaha oh god I wouldn’t sleep for two days. That’s dire.

hairyslug

Of the top of my head, asking for cockporn at the cinema

UCD GroupThink

Faugheen wrote: »

Did an early shift with a (attractive but married) female colleague of mine.

She said “I can’t wait for this to be finished, I need my bed,” or something to that effect.

I replied “I think I may need your bed too,” instead of referring to my own *facepalm*

In fairness she laughed and the whole company knows about it now. It was just one of those things. Thankfully she saw the funny side to it.

And do you think she's more or less likely to sleep with you after hearing that comment?

Why was that a stupid thing to say? I mean what else was it that you were trying to say that didn't sound as bad? Your remark was quite a good way to getting any sexual frustration off one's chest. The sort of remark to which she might come back with a "what did you just say?", to which I'd just walk away to, with dickhead smirk.

UCD GroupThink

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

To any lady friend that you are seeing or may do in the future you never, EVER say "you look grand".

Unless their an EX that you want to pissed off!

UCD GroupThink

hairyslug wrote: »

Of the top of my head, asking for cockporn at the cinema

It's obviously something you watch so?

sightband

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

To any lady friend that you are seeing or may do in the future you never, EVER say "you look grand".

is it better to say "you look like a fat pig coated in face paint"

James Bond Junior

Jokingly saying to friend about her husband "he doesn't bate you half enough" over something silly.

Found out a fee months later he was beating seven shades out of her regularly.

recyclops

A while back I was out with my mates prior to an Ireland game. He was telling us about his date the previous week that he met on a app.

They pretty much ended up back in a hotel room and were getting busy when he advised that a chicken fillet fell out of her bra.

Genius here states "jaysus that's disgusting, didn't it smell"

Cue roarous laughter and it still geta brought up too this day.

decky1

my wife got a new jeans she asked me 'Does my arse look like the gable of our house' 'well no matter what i say you'll be offended' say's I 'No i won't' say what you like 'she said Well say's I, I rode your sister last week.'

stevveyg

at a funeral of my mates mum, when i was in church shaking his hand i said "happy birthday" instead of sorry for your loss!
i cringe so hard every time i think of it.

sightband

stevveyg wrote: »

at a funeral of my mates mum, when i was in church shaking his hand i said "happy birthday" instead of sorry for your loss!
i cringe so hard every time i think of it.

tough going on him having a birthday on the same day as his mum's funeral, at least you acknowledged it.

Church on Tuesday

sightband wrote: »

is it better to say "you look like a fat pig coated in face paint"

If you have a limited vocabulary than yeah, I guess.

Don't see what it will achieve though.

Car99

Was tinkering away at a job in work and there were two people I hardly knew within earshot having a chit chat about something or other which i was finding quite interesting, anyways I got to a tricky bit of my job and missed a bit of their conversation and unknown to myself I said sorry I missed thay bit . The two just stopped and looked at me . All I could say was sorry ignore me. I couldnt even walk away cause i had to finish the job. The embarrassment.

Archeron

Innocently asking the Spanish girl in the spar deli if she had brown baps. I didn't even realise til somebody behind me laughed.

ChikiChiki

I've had a few clangers over the years, ones where you immediately realise the sheer idiocy of the words that came out of my mouth.

The latest one was, "How is the air conditioning in that" when looking at an excavator where the cab was exposed and had no roof.

UCD GroupThink

stevveyg wrote: »

at a funeral of my mates mum, when i was in church shaking his hand i said "happy birthday" instead of sorry for your loss!
i cringe so hard every time i think of it.

Why are there so many funeral jokes. I'm even wondering is this one made up!

UCD GroupThink

Car99 wrote: »

Was tinkering away at a job in work and there were two people I hardly knew within earshot having a chit chat about something or other which i was finding quite interesting, anyways I got to a tricky bit of my job and missed a bit of their conversation and unknown to myself I said sorry I missed thay bit . The two just stopped and looked at me . All I could say was sorry ignore me. I couldnt even walk away cause i had to finish the job. The embarrassment.

Now that was funny. I think it should be in a movie.

Hammer89

I accidentally said 'Jesus that's shocking' after someone told me about their dad being forced to undergo electroconsulsive therapy when he was younger.

yuridwyer

Sirsok wrote: »

Got caught in an argument in Melbourne in my younger years. Both sides being held back by group we were with.
Typical shouting

"yeah come say that to my face"
"**** off"
"Ill kick your head in etc...."

Until i shout
"Yeah well suck my little dick"

Pause

Everyone started laughing, even my mates, whole situation diffused, and i accepted defeat and got in a taxi.

Similar story, one time in secondary school bfore a class two brothers were having a right barney, and it ended with one of them saying, " go fcuk yourself Christy Brown's brother", some laugh, better than any punch up would have been

stevveyg

sightband wrote:

tough going on him having a birthday on the same day as his mum's funeral, at least you acknowledged it.

UCD GroupThink wrote:

Why are there so many funeral jokes. I'm even wondering is this one made up!

It was no joke!!! and no reason to make it up!!